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If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killing the motherfucker, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll they ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror… you ain’t been in love. And the only thing that stopped you from killing this motherfucker was an episode of CSI.
在座的只要有真正爱过的，都可以帮我做见证！假如你没有考虑过要杀人，你就称不上爱过。假如你没有认真想过要杀了那个混帐，你就没真正爱过。假如你没有手里拿着一罐老鼠药，然后盯着罐子看四十五分钟，你就没真正爱过。假如你没有去买过铲子，布袋还有地毯来毁尸灭迹，你就没真正爱过。假如你没有在镜子前练习你不在场证明，你就没真正爱过。而唯一阻止你动手的原因,是你为你看了CSI犯罪现场。
See, relationships are hard. But in order for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page. Both people have to have the same focus…and the focus is all about her，is all about her! Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say,” Fuck you. Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans, fuck everything you thought this life was gonna bring you. Now let’s go out there and try and make this bitch happy.”
没错，男女交往是个难题，如果一段感情要成功男女双方必须有共识，双方焦点要一致。大家都知道那个共识是什么，焦点是什么。 感情要成功，双方焦点就要相同。那么焦点是什么? 那个焦点就是女生！焦点都得在她身上！女生老早就知道这一点了，她们可是在等你跟进呢！男士们，你们一早醒来，应该对着镜中的自己说"去你的！去你的希望，去你的梦想，去你的计划。跟你对人生的所有期望都说再见吧！现在，你只要想办法取悦那个女生就够了！”
Yes. It’s all about her, fellas. Say yes to everything. Everything. Everything you can afford, say yes to. Just say yes. Before she even gets it out of her fucking mouth. “Honey, can…” Yes. “Honey, I…” Yes. Just get a stamp. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
没错！所有焦点都在她身上。面对一切，你都得说好，一切，只要你付得起就说“好“。说“好“就对了，根本不用等她说完。“亲爱的，我想...”“好““亲爱的，我能...”“好”“亲爱的，那个...”“好”……干脆去弄个印章，好！好！好！好！好！好！好！好！
