1. College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
大学是你一生中最美好的时光。什么时候你的父母还会一年花几千块供你去一个陌生的地方天天晚上喝醉。

2. Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
大学当然是个有很多知识的地方：大一的带进来一些，大四的带不走多少，知识便积累起来了。

3. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
教授就是别人都睡了他还在讲话的人。

4. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
只要有考试，学校里就会有祷告者。

5. The things taught in colleges are not an education, but the means to an education.
大学里学得不是知识，而是学习知识的方法。