The Husband-Centered Wife以丈夫为中心的妻子

Recently, Kristin Armstrong famously admitted that her failed marriage to legendary cyclist Lance Armstrong may have been due, in part, to her own faltering sense of self and personal purpose. Looking back, she says, she was too focused on her husband. "Marriage has the potential to erode the very fiber of your identity," she said in a Glamour magazine article in 2006. "If you aren't careful, it can tempt you to become a 'yes woman.' "
最近，克里斯汀 阿姆斯特朗公开承认，她与传奇车手兰斯 阿姆斯特朗之间婚姻失败部分可能是因为自己自我意识和个人目的不够强。她说，回首过去，自己太专注于丈夫了。在2006年的一期《魅力》杂志中她说道：“婚姻可能会腐蚀掉你自身的一些东西，如果你不小心，它会又是你变成一个只会说是的女人。”

"These wives view themselves as being participants in their husbands' successes," says Haltzman. Cheering on your husband is great, but just don't lose your sense of self in the process, he cautions. "This model can get dangerous when a wife focuses so much on her husband that she loses her personality, her sense of self," he says. By making his career and aspirations the focus, "there's a chance, at some point in the marriage, that you're going to feel that you lost out on something of your own."
霍斯曼说：“这些妻子认为丈夫的成功自己也有份。”他提醒说，为丈夫喝彩很好，但是在这个过程中也不要失去自我感。他说：“一旦做妻子的过于关注丈夫而失去了自己的个性以及自我感，那么他们的关系就变得危险了。”把丈夫的事业和抱负作为生活的焦点，“在婚姻中，有时候你会感到你在失去自己的某些东西。”

Haltzman's advice? Shake things up. "It's OK to do things that don't make him happy," he says. Whether it's taking a yoga class at 6 pm—which means he has to make dinner for the kids—or bowing out of his company's holiday party because it conflicts with plans you already made, Haltzman says husband-centered wives shouldn't be afraid to put "me" back into the equation. And, it might even strengthen your marriage (and sex life). "It's part of emotional growth," he continues. "Women can make us better men, but not by doing everything we want."
霍斯曼的意见？改变一些事情。他说：“做一些让他不开始的事情也没什么。”不管事在下午6点去上瑜伽课（这意味着他得给孩子们做晚饭），还是因为与自己的计划冲突而不去参加他们公司的假日聚会，霍斯曼说，以丈夫为中心的妻子们不应该怕把“我”重新放回平等的位置上。而且，这可能还能够改善你们的婚姻，甚至是你们的性生活。他说：“这是增长情绪的一部分作用，女人能让我们成为更好的男人，但光做我们想让她们做的事情不行。”

The Kid-Centered Wife以孩子为中心的妻子

It's no myth that becoming parents can add stress to a marriage. In fact, a major eight-year study conducted by researchers at Texas A&M and the University of Denver found that as many as 90 percent of couples experience a decrease in marital satisfaction after having children. The common thing that happens, says Dr. Parrott, is for a woman to go from loving wife to devoted mommy. The only problem, he adds, is that sometimes she forgets to make room for her husband too.
有了孩子会增加婚姻的压力，这不假。实际上，一项由德克萨斯A&M大学和丹佛大学的研究人员共同实施的一项长达八年的重要研究表明，有孩子后，百分之九十的夫妻对婚姻的满意度下降。派瑞特博士说，最普遍的情况是女性有了孩子后就由一个忠诚的妻子变成了专职妈妈。他还说，唯一的问题是有时候她会忘了应该也给丈夫留点空间。

Kathy Takahashi, a mother of two in Bellevue, Washington, says the birth of her first child brought great changes to her marriage. "In the beginning, the experience of new parenthood was so intense and so overwhelming," she says, "and the needs of my high-need baby so great, that I had neither the time nor energy to spend on my husband."
凯西·高桥是两个孩子的母亲，住在华盛顿州贝尔维尤市，她说第一个孩子的出生给自己的婚姻带来了巨大的变化。她说：“开始的时候，初做父母的经历如此强烈，如此不可抗拒，被宝宝需要的感觉如此棒，以至于我既没有时间也没有精力去管我的丈夫。”

And now, years later, Takahashi says she's working on ways of realigning her priorities, but it's not always easy. "There's something in me that says I have to respond to every need and want my children express or, somehow, I'm depriving them," she says. "Something's got to give and, sadly, my husband gets bumped way down the list."
现在，很多年过去了，高桥说她正在重新调整重点，但并不容易。“我总是觉得我该对孩子们的任何要求和希望作出回应，否则，出于某种原因，我会觉得自己在剥夺他们的权利。有些东西必须给与，可悲的是我丈夫就成了最不受关注的对象。”

While no one would suggest that being devoted to your children is a bad thing, don't do it at the risk of your relationship, says Dr. Parrott. "Wives who take this approach care greatly for their children and are wonderful mothers," he continues, "but don't forget to tune into your husband's needs too."
帕洛特博士说，没人会说你深爱自己的孩子有什么错，但也不要因为这样就给你们的夫妻关系带来风险。他还说：“这样做的妻子都会很好的照顾孩子，是很好的妈妈，但是也不要忘了谐调一些丈夫的需求。”

How to get back to the way you were? Take Dr. Parrott's advice: "Don't just talk about it, show him that you want to make a change," he says. "Take the initiative to plan a date night, a shared activity. Go do something fun together like you did before you had kids. Guys want a playmate; they don't want to talk. This will speak volumes to your husband."
怎样回到原来的轨道上呢？帕洛特博士的建议是：“不要只是嘴上说说，而是要让他看到你正在做出改变。第一步可以计划一个约会之夜，一起做些什么。一起做一些有趣的事，就像你以前和孩子们一起做的那样。男人们都想要个玩伴，他们不喜欢谈话。这对你丈夫来说可能意味深长。”