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It's 8:30 p.m. and my husband isn't home from work yet. That means I did today 100% solo. From my toddler's 6 a.m. wake-up call, to homeschooling all morning, afternoon errands, a park stop, dinnertime, baths and a trio of bedtimes. Now I'm finally sitting, watching a little TV and nibbling on a pack of Gushers, my current pregnancy craving.
现在是晚上8:30，而我的老公还没下班。这也意味着我这一整天靠的都是自己。早上6点宝宝起床到整个早晨的在家教学、下午各种琐事、公园散步、晚饭、洗澡以及晚安歌。现在我终于坐下来了、能看会儿电视、吃一包这次怀孕的最爱Gushers。
It's not like this every day. Most days he aims to be home by six for family dinner and the bedtime routine, but more often than not he puts in 14+ hour days. Sometimes longer. Rarely shorter. For what seems like eons, this was a HUGE point on contention in our marriage. How could he choose to be away from us for so long? Was work really that important? Do "normal" people commit to work schedules that call for rising before dawn and coming home with barely enough time to eat dinner?
但并非每天都是如此。大多数时候，老公都打算六点到家吃晚饭，然后给宝宝读故事，但他往往会在外14小时以上。有时更久，很少有比这短的时候。这看起来像是亿万年之久，也曾是我们婚姻中巨大的争论点。他怎么能离开我们这么久呢？工作真的这么重要吗？"正常"人是不是也全身心投入这样的工作呢：天不亮就要起，晚上回来基本都吃不上晚饭？
I'd bellow. Yes, bellow about how much I disliked his schedule. How lonely it made me feel. How abandoned I was at home, pregnant with three other kids. I became the queen of snarky text messages and could have earned an award for my extreme pouting. It all came from a place of hurt. Of misunderstanding. But that didn't make it OK.
我想要怒吼。怒吼自己有多么不喜欢他的工作、怒吼自己多么的孤独、在家时多么的有被抛弃感，留下怀孕的我和三个宝宝在一起。我成了负面短信女王，内容之极端甚至都能让我获奖。这都来源于我的伤心、不理解。但事情却没有变好。
For so long I wished for a regular 9 to 5, for my husband to say no to work and yes to coming home early. That wishing poisoned me from the inside out. I grew hurt and felt anxiety and cruelty within myself. It was my choice and I knew that. But for some reason, I justified all those feelings because of my situation. It made me feel better and helped me cope... but not for long. When I stopped complaining-both in my head and out loud-our marriage flourished.
很长时间以来，我都希望老公能过着正常的朝九晚五的日子，能对工作说不、能早点回家。这种想法从内而外的蔓延着。慢慢的我感到伤心、焦虑、残忍。这是我自己的选择，我知道的。但由于某种原因、由于我的处境，我让这一切的感受都变得理所应当。这让我感觉更好，也帮助我应对……但却没有持续太久。当我不再抱怨--心里和嘴上都不再抱怨时--我们的婚姻越来越好。
All those self-induced feelings left me upset and when my husband finally got home, I was resentful of the time we did have together. I was ruining us. I was choosing to make our current situation a wedge in our family. It wasn't him. It wasn't his work schedule. It was me and me alone.
所有这些自我臆想的感受让我难过，当老公终于回家时，我却又对我们在一起的时光感到不满。当时我是在破坏我们的感情。我选择让我们当前的情况陷入困境。这不怪他，也不怪他的工作。从头到尾都是我的埋怨导致了感情破裂。
The reason my husband works so much is because he cares about me. About our kids. About our future. In fact, 12 years ago when I met him, I pegged him as a family man. I knew he would be a fabulous husband and a top notch dad. That's why I picked him! In his heart, built into his spirit, he totally gets what life is about, he knows people are most important.
老公工作那么辛苦是因为他在乎我、在乎我们的孩子和我们的未来。事实上，12年前当我遇到他的时候，我就认为他是顾家的男人。我知道他会成为一名好老公、好爸爸。我也因此而选择了他！在他的心里、灵魂里，他完全知道生活是什么，他知道人才是最重要的。
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