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Having a new baby at home is great! It's magical! It's like nothing you've ever experienced before! It's also really, really boring. If you've even been through a long day at home alone with your little one, you know it can sometimes feel like an endless stretch of nothingness broken up by diaper changes. And you've probably at least done a few of these things to help pass the time.
家里有个新生儿是件很棒的事情！特别神奇！这种体会是你以前没有经历过的！但也非常非常无聊。如果你也和自己的小宝宝单独在家度过漫长一天的话，那你就会知道：有时候，那感觉就像是无穷无尽的虚空突然被换尿布打破了一样。也许你至少会做以下的一些事情来消磨时光。
1. Read the baby every children's book you have, even though the baby seriously couldn't care less.
1. 给宝宝读家里的每一本童话故事，尽管宝宝一点儿都不在乎。
Some parenting book somewhere said you're supposed to start reading to kids the second they're born (that is, if you didn't start before they were born) and you've got 10 hours to kill. Why not read Moo Baa La La La a hundred times to the baby? Who cares if your baby can barely hold her head up, much less comprehend a story. You've got barnyard animal voices to perfect, goddamnit!
有些育儿书上写道：自宝宝出生的那天起，你就应该给他/她读故事了（也就是说，前提是你没有在他/她出生前就开始读故事），之后，你还有10个小时的时光需要消磨。为什么不给宝宝读Moo Baa La La La很多次呢？如果你的宝宝连头都还抬不起来，谁又在乎一个故事讲了多少遍呢，毕竟他/她也不能理解故事啊。你模仿农场动物的声音真是越来越像了，我的天！
2. Put the baby in the swing.
2. 把宝宝放在秋千上。
Take the baby out of the swing. Put the baby in the bouncy chair. Take the baby out of the bouncy chair. Put the baby on the activity mat. Take the baby off the activity mat. Now repeat this 72 more times throughout the day. Bonus points if you don't throw out your back.
把宝宝从秋千上抱起来，然后把他/她放在弹椅上。把宝宝从弹椅上抱出来，然后把他/她放在瑜伽垫上，再把宝宝从瑜伽垫上抱起。现在，这一整天你都重复这组动作72次，如果你的腰不疼我就给你加分！
3. Pack up the diaper bag, strap the baby in the carrier, walk out of the house, smell a poop, walk back into the house, and completely give up on the idea of ever leaving the house again.
3. 整理尿布袋，把宝宝放在推车里，然后走出家门，闻到宝宝拉臭臭的味道，又再次回家。之后就完全放弃再次出门的念头。
The first rule of Leaving The House With A Baby is that You Don't Leave The House With A Baby. The second rule of Leaving The House With A Baby is that It Eventually Gets Easier. The third rule? Have A Congratulatory Glass Of Wine The Second You Make It Out The Door.
和宝宝一起出门的首条法则就是你不能和宝宝一起出门。和宝宝一起出门的第二条法则就是最终一切都会变得容易些。第三条法则？顺利出门的那一瞬间喝杯酒庆祝庆祝。
4. Stand in front of the full-length mirror holding the baby while saying, "Look who it is!" in an abnormally high-pitched voice.
4. 抱着宝宝站在全身镜面前用异常尖细的高音说，"看看那是谁呀！"
You were an alto when you sang in your high school chorus, but somehow you are now able to raise your voice 17 octaves when conversing with your baby in front of a mirror.
当你在高中合唱团唱歌时，你唱的是中音，但现在不知何故，当你在镜子前与宝宝交流时，你竟然能提高到17个八度。
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