According to the CDC, roughly 10 million people every year are subject to spousal abuse of some kind, and this doesn't even count the abuse numbers perpetrated against children by a battering parent. Domestic violence is a huge problem, and shutting it down while also dealing with the spread is an issue society has been trying to get a handle on for some time now.
据美国疾病控制与预防中心数据显示，每年约有一千万人均不同程度地遭到来自配偶的暴力侵犯，这个数字还不包括那些受到父母虐待的儿童的数量。家庭暴力是一个严重的问题，在阻止家暴发生的同时也要防止其扩散，这也是社会亟待解决的问题。
As we talk about below, there are many disturbing facts surrounding domestic abuse, and those who perpetuate it. Some of these facts make it difficult to stop the abusers, or end the cycle of violence, and some of the laws meant to protect everyone make it easier for the abuser to continue harming others, walking free of consequences.
下面我们谈论的一系列有关家庭暴力和施暴者的事件，都令人痛心。其中一些事件使得阻止施暴者或终止家暴循环变得困难，而有些法律原本旨在保护每一个人，却使施暴者可以肆无忌惮地伤害他人而不受法律约束。
10.Oftentimes Victims Of Abuse Grow Up To Be Abusers Themselves
10.经常遭到家暴的人长大后会成为施暴者
Many people would like to think that the world is a bright and shiny place where people who go through horrible things learn from it and would never imagine doing it to others. Sadly, this isn't really the world we live in. While the majority of people who are abused do manage to break the cycle, there is a cycle and the amount of people who get caught up in it is rather alarming. Statistics peg the amount of abused children who grow up to be abusers themselves as somewhere between 30-40%, which is a much higher number than many of us are comfortable with.
许多人以为这是个光明灿烂的世界，那些经历了可怕事情的人们会从中吸取教训，再也不会想到对别人做相同的事。可悲的是，我们所在的真实世界并非如此。虽然大多数受虐者想方设法去打破这个暴力循环，但有仍有很多人深陷其中，且数量惊人。有数据表明，曾遭受过虐待的儿童中，有30-40%的人长大后会成为施暴者，这一数字比许多人所认为的要高得多。
The truth is that development as a young child is crucially important and children who are abused learn violence at an early age, and also often don't have very secure attachments with their parents, which makes it harder for them to form secure attachments with their children later on. Experts believe with proper intervention and education that more people can break the cycle, but it is an uphill battle. Someone who has been abused at an early age has already gone through great trauma, and helping them get the help they need as early on in life as possible is paramount.
实际上，儿童时期的发展至关重要，受虐儿童在年幼时就学会了暴力，这使他们无法与父母形成牢固的安全依附型关系，在今后也难以与其他同龄人形成这种关系。专家认为，通过适当的干预和教育，能让更多的人打破暴力循环，但这项工作非常艰难。一个在幼年就遭受家暴的人已经遭受了巨大的创伤，而尽早向他们施以援手是至关重要的。
9.Many Domestic Abuse Victims Come To Believe They Deserve It
9.许多家暴受害人逐渐认为自己受罚是应该的
Many people who are abused will stay with the person hurting them long past when they really should, leading those who have never been in such a situation to ask "why did you not leave?" Many simply do not understand the reasons it can occur, but guilt and lack of self esteem is one of the biggest. The person manipulating them will often go to great pains to bring down their sense of self worth, make them feel like they are useless, or only worthwhile when the abuser gives them their praise and 'love'. This means since the abuse victim is trained not to believe the abuser could be doing anything wrong, as they are needed and important in their life, they convince themselves that they are doing wrong and deserving of the abuse.
许多受虐者会一直和伤害他们的人在一起，那些从未经历过家庭暴力的人会提出疑问：“你为什么不一走了之？”很多人并不理解家暴发生的原因，不过内疚感和缺乏自尊是最重要的原因之一。那些想要操控他们的人会费尽心力地削减受虐者的自我价值感，让他们觉得自己一无是处，只有当施暴者给予他们赞扬和所谓的“爱”时才能找到一丝存在价值。这也意味着受虐者洗脑式地认为施暴者做什么都是对的，他们对自己非常重要，而自己犯了错受到打骂是理所应当的。
This leads them to lose more self esteem, makes them less likely to seek help, and firmly puts them in the clutches of the predator controlling them. Since they are convinced they deserve it, their tormenter can pretty much do what they want, and they will still think they are the one who did wrong. Anyone who is abused should remember that you never deserve abuse, it is never your fault, and even if you have made excuses for them in the past, or allowed them to get away with it before, it is still wrong and they have no right to violate you in any way.
这导致他们越来越没有自尊，更不会去求助了，而施暴者就像对待猎物一样把他们牢牢控制在自己手中。既然受虐者都觉得自己受罚是理所应当，那些施暴者便更加为所欲为，而此时受虐者还觉得是自己做错了事。遭受过虐待的人都应该记住：你永远都不该受到虐待，这绝对不是你的错，即使你曾为他们找借口开脱，或者眼看着他们逃脱法律制裁，但家暴依旧是不对的，不管怎样他们都没有权利侵犯你。
8.Many Abusers Walk Free Because They Convinced Their Victim To Recant Their Testimony
8.许多施暴者说服受害人撤回作证而逃脱法律制裁
Domestic abusers usually finally get caught because there is a disturbance heard by the neighbors and the police are called, or the victim finally decides to call themelves. In these situations, there is often an arrest made, and the police will take a statement from the victim. This witness statement is important in taking down the abuser and getting them locked up where they belong, but sadly the abuser often walks free. Many victims are either attached to the person who abused them, or somehow fear retribution, and end up later recanting their testimony.
家暴者最后通常被捕，因为邻居们会因受到惊扰而报警，或由受害者亲自报警。在这些情况下，警察通常会拘捕施暴者，并从受害者那里得到一份证词。这份证词对于指控施暴者尤为重要，甚至能让他们蹲监狱，但遗憾的是施暴者常能逍遥法外。很多受害者要么依附于施暴者生活，要么害怕被报复，最终他们会撤回证词。
This makes it very hard for the prosecutors to really go forward with the case, and it often means the abuser goes entirely scot free. To make matters worse, in these situations, the abuse victim nearly always ends up back with the abuser. In some situations, this means the batterer is still also around the children as well – if there are any. It is simply far too easy for testimony to be recanted later after the victim has had too much time to think about how they might want to protect their abuser from the law – clearly this needs to change. Prosecutors need better methods to bring airtight cases, so that one issue like that doesn't leave a violent and dangerous person free to do what they wish.
这让检察官们很难真正地跟进案件，也意味着施暴者能逃脱法律制裁。更糟糕的是，如此一来，受害者最终又回到了施暴者身边。有时这意味着孩子们可能依旧在遭受家暴。在有时间思考如何保护施暴者不受法律制裁后，受害人极其容易撤回证词——很显然需要扭转这种情况。检察官要把案件处理得更加严密，这样至少能让那些危险的家暴狂无法随心所欲地施暴。
7.Men Can Also Be Victims Of Domestic Abuse, But Are Much Less Likely To Report It
7.男性也会成为家暴受害者，但甚少公开
When anyone talks about men being victims of domestic violence, people either tend to think of it as a joke, they think you are talking about gay men, or they are a men's rights activist trying to make a point. However, sadly while many people do not take it seriously, domestic abuse against males is far more common than most people would think. Overall, while most people would think women make up the vast majority, men actually make up about 40% of domestic abuse victims. Unlike women, though, they are much less likely to report it. Many men are afraid they simply will not be taken seriously, told to man up, or other comments that assume a man is not capable of being abused by another person, especially a woman.
当有人说男性是家庭暴力的受害者时，人们要么把它当作笑话，以为你是在谈论同性恋者，要么以为你是一个想要表明观点的维权人士。其实男性遭受家庭暴力的情况远比许多人所想象的更普遍，但可悲的是，大部分人没把这当回事。总体而言，人们大多认为家庭暴力的受害者多为女性，实际上有40%为男性。但和女性不同，男性很少公开自己受到家暴。许多男性担心自己的遭遇得不到重视，就算告诉他人，也没人相信男人会受到别人尤其是受到女性的虐待。
For gay men, it can be an even more difficult situation. Many people do not approve of their relationship to begin with, which narrows down the amount of people they can talk to. A lot of people do not respect gay people, or think that one is the "woman" in a relationship and will often play it off that way as well. More often than not whether straight or gay, the man will simply not report it out of shame, because society teaches men they are supposed to look and act tough at all times. Sadly, this means many men who are abused are not getting the help they need, and are continually victimized.
对男性同性恋者而言，处境可能更艰难，很多人不认同他们的这种关系，因此他们能交流倾诉的对象就更少了。很多人不尊重同性恋者，认为在恋爱关系中“女性”的一方也经常会闹别扭。出于羞愧，同性恋或异性恋中的男性一方通常不会公开自己遭到家暴，因为社会教导他们在任何时候都要坚强。可悲的是，这意味着许多受到家暴的男性会更加孤立无助，不断受到伤害。
6.Many Victims Of Abuse Stay For Their Kids
6.许多家暴受害者为了孩子而选择留下
Many people wonder why domestic abuse victims stay, and one of the most common ones is actually for the children. Many victims are worried that if they leave, there will be no buffer between the kids and the batterer. To make matters worse, if the victim leaves without taking the kids with them, the abuser can harm the kids in their absence. However, if the victim takes the children without first getting proper orders from the court, this could be used against them so the abuser can end up with legal custody – this puts the victim in a really tight position.
很多人想知道为什么家暴受害人会选择留下，最主要的原因之一就是为了孩子。大部分受害人担心一旦自己离开，孩子会完全暴露在施暴人面前。更糟的是，如果受害人没有带着孩子一起离开，施暴者就会伤害他们的孩子。然而，如果受害者没有事先得到法院的正式许可就私自带孩子离开，施暴者便能得到孩子的法定监护权，如此一来反而对受害者不利，他们更会如坐针毡。
They essentially have to get in touch with the police and press charges, knowing the abuser could harm the children or themselves while awaiting full court proceedings – which can take some time. In many situations the victim is horrified that the abuser will go crazy when the game is up and become incredibly violent and dangerous. With the law not working as fast as they would prefer, many simply stay silent and try to protect their kids and take the anger and blows for them. They are gripped in fear by a monster who wants to control them, and are often left with very few options open to them.
受害者必须联系警方并正式提起诉讼，因为他们知道，等待法庭审理需要一段时日，在此期间，他们自己或孩子可能会受到施暴者的伤害。当审判接近尾声，在很多情况下，施暴者会变得丧心病狂，甚至穷凶极恶到让人难以置信的地步，受害者会因此胆战心惊。由于法律的生效速度不尽如人意，许多受害人只能依旧保持沉默，并且为了保护孩子而承受施暴者的横眉竖目和拳打脚踢。一个怪兽妄图控制他们于鼓掌之中，被这样的恐惧深深笼罩，他们的出路却寥寥无几。
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