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Everyone has regrets, but you always imagine that those regrets revolve around the mistakes that you think you made. Maybe you regret calling off your wedding. Maybe you wish you hadn't married the man you chose. Maybe you want to quit your job and move to Bali, but you're worried it's the wrong choice.
人人都有遗憾，但你时常想起的却是那些你以为的一己之过所造成的遗憾。也许你会后悔取消了婚礼。也许你希望不曾和自己选择的这个男人结婚。也许你想辞掉工作，搬到巴厘岛生活，但你又怕这是个错误的选择。
We focus so much on the decisions we make in the moment, but a new study published in the journal Emotion indicates that the old adage still rings true: it's not the things you do in life that you regret, it's the things you don't do.
我们太过关注当下所做的决定，但发表在《情感》杂志的一项新研究表明：古老格言还是有道理的：你往往不会因为自己做过的事而后悔，但却会因为自己没做过的事情后悔。
In a paper entitled "The Ideal Road Not Taken," Cornell psychologists identified three elements that make up a person's sense of self. Your actual self consists of qualities that you believe you possess. Your ideal self is made up of the qualities you want to have. Your ought self is the person you feel you should have been, according to your obligations and responsibilities.
在一篇题为《未选择的理想之路》（The Ideal Road Not Taken）的文章中，康奈尔大学的心理学家确定了构成一个人自我意识的三个要素。你的实际自我拥有你确信自己会拥有的那些品质。你的理想自我拥有你希望自己拥有的那些品质。你的本我就是你依据责任和义务觉得自己应该要成为的那种人。
In surveying the responses of hundreds of participants in six studies, the researchers found that, when asked to name their single biggest regret in life, 76 percent of participants said it was not fulfilling their ideal self.
研究员在调查数百名受试者（六项研究）的回应时发现：被问及一生中最大的遗憾时，76%的受试者都表示，他们都后悔没有活成自己想要的样子。
This indicates that we might have a flawed attitude toward how to avoid regret. We live in a world in which we are told that we'll have a great life if we follow the rules. So you figure that if you do all of the things that society expects of you-act like a good citizen, get married at the appropriate time, make enough money to pay the bills-that you'll feel happy and fulfilled with your life.
这表明我们在避免自己后悔的态度方面存在缺陷。我们生活在这样的一个世界：他人告诉我们，如果我们遵守规则，就会享受美好生活。所以你认为，如果你能做到这个社会对你期望的事情--比如做一个遵纪守法的市民、在适当年龄结婚、多挣钱付账单--那你的人生就会幸福、美满。
But those are all qualities associated with your ought self, which the study found people have limited regrets about (in part because they actually act on decisions associated with it). But when it comes to your dreams and aspirations, people are more likely to let them just drift by unrealized, and that's what really stings later in life.
但这是与本我相关的品质，研究发现人们对本我少有遗憾（部分原因是，他们实际上就是按照本我做相关决定的）。但在梦想和追求方面，人们更有可能不付诸努力实现这些梦想，所以年老时，人们往往会为之后悔。
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