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SAT写作修改之开头段(1)

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话题一:Does fame bring happiness, or are people who are not famous more likely to be happy?

学生文章

1)In my opinion, though the joy of life depends entirely on personal view to the world, fame are easier to bring happiness than ordinary people.

问题:
  1 .这个句子的“虽然但是”之间的逻辑有问题。
  2 .fame不可数,比较对象有问题。

修改:From my point of view, it is easier for the wealthy to obtain happiness than ordinary people.

2)Due to fame people can earn enough money to do whatever they would like to do. However, ordinary person may be worried about starvation and medical expense. I will take my friend for an example.

  问题:
  1. whatever 太绝对。
  2. however, 这个词表示但是,主要用作插入语。表示但是还可以用By contrast, on the contrary。
  3. 举例子的词组单调了,a good case in point is that…; A typical/perfect/convincing/persuasive example can be found in …; to illustrate 等等都可以表示要举例子。

  修改:体现对比(选择类)
  Fame could render a person more able to earn money so as to do things that he really prefers. By contrast, an ordinary man may have to struggle with various difficulties resulting from poverty, which discourages him from doing things that could really improve his sense of happiness.

话题二:Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame and power?

  这是一个比较难的题目,良心还是钱?写这个题目大部分同学的问题就是比较空。

  



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