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托福写作批改点评 第5期:机经独立写作

来源:可可英语 编辑:wendy   可可英语APP下载 |  可可官方微信:ikekenet

Topic(题目):

Parents should help children complete their homework or encourage them to finish it by themselves? What's your opinion toward this statement?


Target text(文章正文):

Parents play important roles in our life, and the way they teach us will directly influence our characteristic. These days many parents claim that helping children to do their work can better educate them how to solve a problem properly, but others argue that encouraging them to do alone is better. In my opinion, these two ideas have instinct benefits, but when it comes into a question, that which way is better, I would stand on the latter one.

I can think of no better illustration of this idea than the fact that children will eventually grow to adults and live on their own. There’s no doubt that everyone will have a time living without his parents, such as studying abroad, or working in another city, so parents can never take care of their kids for the whole life and help with all kinds of issues. It is essential for parents to give kids time practicing what they should do when something happens without the assist of adults. So that when they growing up, they will master the basic life skills, handle the task in studying or working, and keep calm to the emergency and think of best solution. Take myself as an example, when I was in primary school, my mother always ask me to walk to school alone when most of my classmates’ parents driven them to school. The result is that I became able to take care of myself when crossing the road and quickly find the right way to the destination, it do help when I travel to other city or country.

It is also vital to develop the independency of a child. As I have mentioned above, we will finally leave our parents’ protection. We cannot always look forward to getting help from our parents. The only person we can rely on is ourselves.


Feedback and Review(点评及修改)


优点:

总的来说,这篇文章的逻辑结构还可以。


缺点及改进建议:

1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。

2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。

3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式,写好之后要回看修改。

4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
statement ['steitmənt]

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n. 声明,陈述

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destination [.desti'neiʃən]

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n. 目的地,终点,景点

 
encourage [in'kʌridʒ]

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vt. 鼓励,促进,支持

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primary ['praiməri]

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adj. 主要的,初期的,根本的,初等教育的

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solution [sə'lu:ʃən]

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n. 解答,解决办法,溶解,溶液

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protection [prə'tekʃən]

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n. 保护,防卫

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handle ['hændl]

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n. 柄,把手
v. 买卖,处理,操作,驾驭

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illustration [i.ləs'treiʃən]

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n. 插图,例证,说明,图解

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essential [i'senʃəl]

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n. 要素,要点
adj. 必要的,重要的,本

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claim [kleim]

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n. 要求,要求权;主张,断言,声称;要求物

 

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