Topic（题目）:

A job is a means through which people can make a living. Everyone in the society has to make a choice among several jobs. Therefore, a debate about whether people should choose alow paying but secure job or a high paying job without any security.Please rite down your opinion toward this statement.

Target text（文章正文）:

A job is a means through which people can make a living. Everyone in the society has to make a choice among several jobs. Therefore, a debate about whether people should choose alow paying but secure job or a high paying job without any security. Some people would like to choose the first one for its stability and security; others may like to have the second one, which can earn themselves more, while I do notagree with either. In my opinion, picking a job depends on ages. If people are in their forties, or even older, they need stable income to support a family,so I recommend them to choose the low pay but secure job. On the other hand,young people who have less pressure on family can take a high paying job to save some money.

For one thing, the older people,who are in their forties and above, should have steady jobs rather than highpaying jobs. They are usually the main income source of the family that meansthey must afford the house, the payments from utilities bills to their children's tuitions, or eventhe car. Without a secure job, they can hardly support their family. Forexample, my uncle has just quitted his last job because he did not want to riskanymore. He used to work as an insurer in an insurance company, his salary dependedon how much insurance he sells the whole month. so is not stable. He said thatalthough he can save much money one month, he was usually afraid that he mightsell no insurance the next month, which meant he would not have any salary. Andhis two children were all attending school, so he needed steady money to payfor the tuition every month. And his new job, not highly paid, was very secure,and he now was very satisfied. A steady but lower paying job is the best optionfor people who need to support their families like my uncle.

However, the young people,who just graduated from universities, should have high-risk jobs instead of stableones. They do not have any financial pressure from home, so they do not have totake secure jobs. All they need to do is just to save some money enough forrealizing their dreams. For instance, my brother Tim has a job that pays him alot. However, he will face a problem that he may be dismissed at any time if hedoes not catch the rhythm of the company. However, he thinks that the patternof job is what he wants. In this way, he also can quit whenever he wants. Hesays that his purpose is to save some money in order to set up his own company,thus the high paying is everything. He enjoys the busy but not steady life. Ifhe does not choose a risky but high paying company, he will wait for longperiod to start his own firm. In this case, the high paying jobs are much more suitableto young people who have dreams and want to make them realized.

In conclusion, the olderpeople need to find low paying but secure jobs to support their families, whilethe young people would better to live high paying jobs without security to saveenough money and make their dreams come true.

Feedback and Review（点评及修改）

优点：

总的来说，本文的语言还是较为流畅的。

缺点及改进建议：

1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。

2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。

3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。

4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。

5、论证方式要多样化。

6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。