Joey: No you won't.

Ronni: No we won't.

Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.

Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us?

Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules.

And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.

Ronni: Wow. He's strict.

Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.

Chandler: And Chandler would be?

Joey: Out here with me, bunking up on a hideabed.

Chandler: Oh, bunking up, if you smell smokes, don't be alarmed.

Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.

Chandler: Come on, I'll show you to my room.... That sounds so weird when it's not followed by, "No, it's late."

Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. Six years is long enough.

Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change?

Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni

Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that!

Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!

Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah...but this...

Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!

Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?

Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.

Chandler: Well, you're gonna.

Joey: I've been thinking. You know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...

Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?

Joey: You know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I would be able to be a standup guy and go the distance, y'know?

Joey: Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...

Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipefitting business, did you cave?

Joey: No.

Chandler: No. You decided to go into the outofwork actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I would like to believe that when the right woman comes along; you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."

Joey: You really think so?

Chandler: Yeah. I really do.

Joey: Thanks, Chandler.

Chandler: Get off.

Monica: Hi... May I help you?

Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?

Monica: Okay...who are you?

Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?

Monica: Oh, come on in

Ronni: Thanks.

Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel. Bathroom's up there. Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler has been in the shower?

Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?

Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seat belts, it's peepee time.

Rachel: Hey, Mr. Trib.

Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear.

Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.

Joey: What's the matter with you? !

Rachel: I thought it was Chandler

! Chandler: What? what?

Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I'd see your thing!

Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.

Monica: How's it going?

Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys. So what's going on?

Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.

Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...

Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...

Rachel: We hate that guy. –

All: Yeah. Hate him.

Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.

Phoebe: Uhhuh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?

All:... No, we hate him.

Rachel: We're sorry.

Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?

Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this and this.

Joey: Oww!

Joey: Big ring!

Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey! Really.

Joey: Hold on, youyou knew?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!

Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you? !

Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy. I mean, it's nice. He has a hobby.

Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but...what the hell are you talking about? I mean, what about you?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodlestuffer came along, he's so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive. He's been more loving. It's like every day is our anniversary.

Joey: I'm...happy...for you?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.

Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you would want.

Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?

Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.

Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?

Joey: With this ring? No contest.

Phoebe: Oh no, don't ever do that, ever!

Roger: what?

Phoebe: I am sorry, I just, I have a thing, which means you can not ever do that.

Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?

Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.

Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, come on.

Phoebe: Okay. It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's just ehhh. . It's my friends. Theythey have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.

Roger: Oh. They don't

Phoebe: But you know, they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. you know? They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. they just think you're a little...

Roger: What?

Phoebe: Intense and creepy.

Roger: Oh.

Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.

Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.

Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!

Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, you know, typical behavior when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. You know, this kind of codependent, emotionally stunted...sitting in your stupid coffeehouse, with your stupid big cupswhich I'm sorry might as well have nipples on them. And you're all like, "Oh, define me! Define me! Love me! I need love!"

Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.

Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, My mum's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, And my sister, Tina, can't see her husband any more. because he got a restraining order... Which has nothing to do with anything, except that I found out today.

Rachel: Wow.

Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons Mountain.

Ross: So Joey, you okay?

Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just...you know they are parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.

Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.

All: Oh, please.

Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twentyyearold boys, or...I'll end up like my mom.

Phoebe: Hey.

All: Hey, Pheebs.

Monica: How's it going?

Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.

All: Oh...

Phoebe: Yeah, right.

All: Noooo, Aaawwwwww! !

Rachel: What happened?

Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just...I hate that guy! Hey, Joey. What's going on?

Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green.

Monica: Joey! ! What the hell were you doing?

! Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.

Monica: Hello, Joey.

Mr. Tribbiani: Oh!... Hello, dear.