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Hey, how are things going with your parents?
你父母的情况怎么样了？
Not great. They hired divorce attorneys.
不太好。他们请了离婚律师。
You know, speaking of attorneys, if I ever needed a lawyer, I would not hire SheHulk.
说到律师，如果哪天我需要请律师，我绝对不会请女浩克。
You know what? That was almost on topic. I'm gonna say, "Good job, Sheldon."
其实呢，刚才你的话跟主题很接近了。所以我要说"做得好哦，谢尔顿"。
Wait, SheHulk's a lawyer? Yeah, she works at a law firm in New York.
等等，女浩克是个律师吗？是啊，她在纽约一家律师事务所做事。
Yes, but she's the only monster at the firm. Between you, me and the wall, I think she's an affirmative action hire.
是的，但是她是所里唯一的怪物。我说了别传出去啊，我觉得她是因为平权法案才被请的怪物。
Anyway, Dad's gonna be here in town, so I won't be able to do Christmas dinner this year.
总而言之，我爸会来找我，所以我今年没办法替大家办圣诞晚宴了。
If you're not up to hosting Christmas dinner, I'm happy to do it. You can even bring your father.
如果今年你没办法主办圣诞晚宴，我很乐意来做啊。你还可以带你父亲一起来。
That would be nice.
那真是太好了。
I've always wanted to do a traditional Victorian Christmas. Parlor games, goose and figgy pudding...
我一直都想过一次传统维多利亚式圣诞。玩会客厅游戏，吃圣诞烤鹅与果干布丁...
English pudding. Y You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
英式布丁。本来满心期待有"布丁"吃，结果是英式的破葡萄干蛋糕。我不去。
You're going. Why do you hate me?
你就得来。我跟你什么仇什么怨啊？
I don't hate you. I love you. Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.
我跟你无冤无仇。我爱你。你把它称之为爱也行，但里面还是有一堆葡萄干。
Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-giving.
艾米，让这几个家伙对主题晚餐有兴趣简直比登天还难。我的汤姆?汉克斯感恩节就因为没人捧场而放弃。
I think a Victorian Christmas sounds nice. I agree. Me, too. You guys suck!
我觉得维多利亚式圣诞很不错啊。同意。我也觉得。你们这群混蛋！
You know the best part of working in the clean room? No allergies. Check it out. Oh, that-that...that's a lot of oxygen.
你知道在无尘室里工作最棒的是什么吗？不会过敏。你看。鼻子太通 ...一下吸进的氧气有点多。
We should get going to Amy's.
我们该去艾米家了。
Can you believe there was a time when we would have needed an array of giant Cherenkov telescopes to detect cosmic particles? And here we are building our own multi-wire detector like a couple of badasses.
你能相信曾几何时，人类得靠着巨大的切伦科夫望远镜阵列来探测宇宙射线粒子吗？而如今我们自己就可以构建多线探测器，简直霸气到炸啊。
I know. If we were still single, we'd be tripping over all that booty.
是啊，如果我们还单身，都可以在女人堆里打滚了。
Ladies do love a man dressed like a kitchen garbage bag.
女人的确喜欢男人打扮得像个厨房垃圾袋。
Oh, no. How the hell did a pigeon get in here? You shut the loading doors, right? I thought you did.
惨了。这鸽子是怎么飞进来的？你关了外门对吧？我以为你关了。
Do you know what a disaster this is? !
你知道这有多严重吗？！
You mean 'cause this room isn't supposed to have dust in it, and we just let in a flying crap machine? !
你是指因为这无尘室应该是要一尘不染，而我们放了一只会飞的拉屎机进来吗？！
What do we do? Should we call someone?
我们该怎么办？该打电话叫人来吗？
And tell them that we compromised all the equipment? Let's just get it out of here before anyone knows.
告诉人家我们把所有设备都污染了吗？赶紧趁没人发现前把它赶出去。
Okay, how do we catch it?
好吧，我们该怎么抓它呢？
Well, what if we turn off all the lights except for one, and it'll come to it.
要不我们把所有灯关掉，只留下一盏灯，它就会飞过来。
It's not a moth!
它又不是飞蛾！
Don't yell at me. You're not gonna get any good ideas out of me if you're yelling.
别吼我。你越吼我，我越想不出什么好主意。
Okay, so if I remain calm, I'll get more gems like, "Turn off the lights"? !
所以如果我保持平静，我就能听到更多像"关灯"这样的绝妙大计吗？
Great, we're turning on each other. That's just what the bird wants us to do!
这下好了，我们反目成仇。正中了这只鸟的下怀。
So, Dr. Koothrappali, long flight? 20 hours. Oh, that's rough.
库萨帕里医生，飞了很久吧？足足20小时。很辛苦吧。
Not at all. Did you know that when you fly transcontinental without your wife, you don't pray for the plane to crash?
完全不会。不用跟妻子一起飞这种跨大陆航班，我也不用祈祷飞机赶紧坠机。
Can you please talk about anything else?
我们能聊点别的吗？
Forgive me. How are you and Leonard? Oh, great. Everything's good.
抱歉，原谅我。你和莱纳德如何了？很好啊，一切都很好。
I see you got engaged. Yes, we did. Let me tell you a story. Dad!
我发现你们好像订婚了。是啊。让我告诉你个故事。爸！
Sorry. I'm sure you won't grow to hate each other.
抱歉。我相信你们不会日渐憎恨彼此。
Hey, Leonard. What's up? What? How did that happen? Yeah, okay. I'll be there as soon as I can. Sorry. I have to run to the university.
莱纳德，怎么啦？什么？怎么会这样？好吧，我尽快到。抱歉，我得去一下大学。
What's going on? There's been a problem with our experiment. A bird got into the clean room.
怎么了？我们的实验出了点问题。有只鸟飞进了无尘室。
You want me to come? Uh, no. You had a long flight. You stay here and relax.
需要我去帮忙吗？不用，你刚坐了这么长时间飞机，你就待着放松休息吧。
"Relax." Easy for you to say. Your mother isn't cleaning out your bank account. 40 years, the woman never cleaned a thing.
"放松"。你说得倒轻巧。你妈"清"空的又不是你的银行账户。40年来，这女人从未"清"理过任何东西。
You're just gonna leave him here? "Relax," He says. Yup. Bye.
你要把他丢在这里吗？他还好意思让我放松。是的，再见。
"Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus. Right down Santa Claus Lane. Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer. Pulling on the reins..."
"圣诞老人来了，圣诞老人来了。正沿着圣诞老人道而来。凶婆娘和闪电，与其它驯鹿们，卖力拉着缰绳...
Yeah, I appreciate the ride... "Bells are ringing, children singing. All is merry and bright"
谢谢你能载我..." 铃声叮当，孩子欢唱。一切快乐又光明。"
"So hang your stockings and say your prayers" 'Cause Santa Claus is coming tonight...Why'd you turn it off?
"挂上你的圣诞袜，说出你的祷告词。只因今晚圣诞老人要到来... "你干嘛关掉它？
Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed Mommy and ran Grandma over with a reindeer.
因为在过去的十分钟里 《圣诞老人进城了》《我看见妈妈亲吻圣诞老人》然后《奶奶被驯鹿撞死了》。
I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.
我有个酒鬼叔叔也会做这三件事啊。怎么没人唱歌歌颂他呢。
Maybe you'd like it more if you thought of Santa as a superhero and his power is bringing joy to children.
如果你把圣诞老人看做是超级英雄，有给孩子们带来欢乐的超能力，你会喜欢点。
My uncle was accused of that, too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma.
我叔叔也这样啊，结果被指控了。结果在俄州那是合法的。
Okay, new subject. Let's talk about presents. What did you get Amy?
好吧，换个话题。我们聊聊礼物吧。你要送艾米什么呀？
Oh, we're not exchanging gifts.
我们不会互送礼物。
Come on, Sheldon, you have to get her something.
拜托，谢尔顿，送礼物给女朋友是一定要的啊。
Why should I? She knows that I don't like Christmas, and yet, every year, she forces me to celebrate it.
凭什么？她明知道我不喜欢圣诞节，可是每一年都强迫我一起庆祝。
Not only am I going to this foolish dinner against my will.
不光是这次逼我参加白痴的圣诞晚餐。
At the Christmas tree lot, there was mistletoe, and she kissed me under it in public. Like we were the stars of a Tijuana sex show.
之前在圣诞树卖场那有一株槲寄生，她居然当众亲了我。我们就像墨西哥性爱秀的表演者。
She's just excited about the holidays.
她只是对节日感到兴奋而已啦。
Yes, and she's not taking my feelings into account at all. Maybe it's time I teach her a lesson.
是啊，而她完全不顾及我的感受。或许是时候给她点教训了。
How?
怎么做？
It'd have to be something heinous, something that makes her as miserable as she's making me. Oh, I've got it. This is good.
一定要给她来点狠招，极其邪恶的那种，就像她害我的那样。我想到了。这主意太妙了。
What? I'm going to buy her a present.
是什么？我要送她一份礼物。
Yeah, you're gonna have to walk me through that.
好吧，你得好好给我讲解一下。
With gift-giving, there's an implied social contract. If I show up tonight with a present, and she doesn't have one for me, she'll feel terrible.
礼品馈赠隐含了一种无形的社会契约。如果我今晚带着礼物去她家，而她却没有为我准备礼物，那她就会内疚。
Then you're both sad?
然后你们俩都不开心？
Yes. Maybe she'll feel so guilty, she'll never make me celebrate the holidays again.
是的。或许她会内疚到永远都不想跟我一起庆祝节日。
So your evil plot here is to buy your girlfriend a present?
所以你的邪恶阴谋是送你女朋友一份礼物吗？
That's right. So stay on my good side, or I'll get you a little something, too.
没错。所以别惹我，否则本人也会赐你点"礼物"。
Okay, here's the plan. I'm gonna put the food in the bag, and when he lands in the bag to eat it, we close it up.
好，计划是这样：我把食物放进袋子里，一旦鸽子飞进去吃，我们就赶紧把口封死。
A Slim Jim? It's all I could find. It'll work.
一根肉条吗？只有这个了，保证管用。
Sure. If the pigeon's stoned or a trucker.
瞎说。除非它嗑药了，或者它是卡车司机。
Okay, well, what's your plan? I told you my plan. Let's call Building Services and get help.
好吧，那你的计划是什么？我之前不是说了吗。打给物业管理处，找人帮忙啊。
And admit that we contaminated the clean room? No, admit that you contaminated the clean room.
承认我们污染了无尘室吗？不，是承认你污染了无尘室。
Why do you keep assuming it was me? Because you do this kind of thing all the time, and then you try to cover it up.
为什么你总认为责任在我？因为你总犯这样的错误，还会试图掩盖事实。
Like when?
比如说？
What about when you flipped the Mars Rover, or lost Koothrappali's dog, or almost drove off with that baby?
比如说你把火星漫游者玩坏、弄丢了库萨帕里的狗、差点开别人的车带着别人的娃走了。
Again, it looked like my car, and the baby didn't even cry until his mother punched me with her keys.
重申一遍，那车跟我的车很像，而且那娃没哭，是后来他妈用钥匙打我才吓哭的。
Fine, put the Slim Jim in the garbage bag. Well, what if you said it without sounding so condescending?
行，你想把肉条放垃圾袋里就放呗。你能不能讲话不这么秀优越感？
I can try, but your plan has the words "Garbage bag" and "Slim Jim" in it!
我尽量，但你的计划里有"垃圾袋"和"肉条"这两个词！
Hey, what's going on? Genius here wants to catch a bird with a garbage bag and a Slim Jim.
怎么回事？有一个天才想用一个垃圾袋和一根肉条抓住一只鸟。
Should have put it in the bag first.
真应该先放进袋子里。
So, if you don't mind me asking, do you think you might start dating again?
希望你别介意我多嘴，你认为你会开始跟其他人约会吗？
It's much too soon for that. Why? Do you know someone?
现在说这个还太早吧。怎么了？要给我介绍对象吗？
No, but if things don't work out with me and Leonard, I'll give you a call. Wait. How much do you talk about Star Trek?
没有啦，但如果我和莱纳德闹掰了，我会打给你的。等等，你会经常大聊特聊《星际迷航》吗？
Okay, let's get this Victorian party started. I've done some research about some traditional parlor games we can play.
好啦，我们维多利亚式派对开始啦。我做了些研究，找了几个我们可以玩的会客厅游戏。
Like what?
比如什么？
Well, there's a fun one called Ball of Wool. You take a ball of wool, and you put it right in the center of the table.
有一个有趣的游戏叫"羊毛球"。你拿一个羊毛球，放在桌子的正中间。
Then people sit on opposite sides of the table and try to blow the wool off.
然后让桌子两端的人来回吹毛球。
Sorry. She's taken, too.
抱歉，她也有男友了。
You know what I think your problem is? You're jealous because you and I used to be best friends until Koothrappali came along.
你知道我觉得你问题在哪吗？你嫉妒，因为你曾经是我最好的朋友，现在库萨帕里插进来了。
And you found somebody you could push around? Hey! Stay out of this. Okay.
于是你终于找到可以任你摆布的人了？什么！你别掺合。好的。
You know, maybe I'm best friends with Raj because he doesn't think he's smarter than me. Actually...I said, stay out of it!
也许拉杰之所以能成为我最好的朋友，是因为他不会觉得自己比我聪明。其实... 我说你别掺合！
N No. No, Raj, go ahead, say what you were gonna say.
别别。拉杰你说，你刚刚想说什么。
All I'm gonna say is you guys need to stop this right now. It It's bad enough that my parents are fighting, now I have to hear the two of you?
我只想说你们别再吵了。我父母闹矛盾已经够糟了，现在还要听你们俩吵架？
And who cares who's smarter? If it's Leonard or me or...you know, it's Christmas, let's say it's Howard.
谁在乎谁更聪明啊？谁管是莱纳德还是我，还是...算了，大过节的，霍华德最聪明吧。
Well, if you're so smart, you get the bird out. No, you're the one who let him in.
既然你那么聪明，你把鸟赶出去啊。不，是你放进来的。
How do you know it wasn't Leonard? Come on.
你怎么知道不是莱纳德放进来的？你说呢。
What about that sweater? No, it's not good enough. It has to be perfect.
那件毛衣怎么样？不行，不够好。必须要完美。
I think the nicest gifts I've got from Howie show how well he knows me.
我觉得华仔送我最棒的礼物是一份体现了他有多了解我的礼物。
Let's see, what do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature; Chaucer's her favorite.
我想想，我了解艾米什么？她热爱中世纪文学，最欣赏乔叟。
And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
在看法国老电影时，她的眼睛会变星星眼。我爱看她会随着听到的竖琴声舞动手指，仿佛一同弹奏。
Wow, you really do love her.
你真的很爱她。
I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.
是呀。我们赶紧来找让她无地自容又自惭形秽的礼物吧。
