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Instead, I was ivory skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine.
恰恰相反，我看上去皮肤苍白,甚至不是因为蓝眼睛或红头发之类的反衬，尽管天天在晒太阳。
I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete.
我虽然一直很苗条，但不知怎么搞的，老是松松垮垮的，一看就不是运动员；
I did not have the necessary hand eye coordination to play sports without humiliating myself—and harming both myself and anyone else who stood too close.
我手眼的协调性很差，做运动时很难不出洋相，不伤到自己和站得离自己太近的人。
When I finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser,
把衣服放进了我那口破旧的松木穿衣柜后，
I took my bag of bathroom necessities and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel.
我拿起我的那袋浴室用品，去了那间公共浴室，洗去了这一天旅行下来的风尘。
I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed through my tangled, damp hair.
梳理那头缠结在一起的湿漉漉的头发时，我照了照镜子。
Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy.
也许是因为光线的缘故，我看上去已经越发发灰发黄、有点不健康了。
My skin could be pretty it was very clear, almost translucent looking—but it all depended on color.
我的皮肤本来可以很漂亮的——非常亮，几乎透明——只可惜它的颜色发暗了。
I had no color here.
我到了这里变得黯然无色了。
Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself.
面对镜子里苍白的自己，我不得不承认是在欺骗自己。
It was not just physically that I'd never fit in.
我到哪儿都不适应的，不单单是身体方面。
And if I could not find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here?
如果我在3000人的学校里都找不到一个容身之所，那么在这里又能有什么机会呢？
I did not relate well to people my age.
我跟自己的同龄人相处不好。
Maybe the truth was that I did not relate well to people, period.
或许，事实是我跟谁都相处不好，就这么回事。
Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page.
就连我妈妈，这个世界上比谁都亲的人，都没有跟我融洽过一回，从来都没有意见完全一致过。更别提同龄人了。
Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs.
有时候，我在想我眼里所看到的和世上所有其他人眼里看到的是不是同样的东西。
Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.
也许，我脑袋里哪里短路。
But the cause did not matter.
不过原因并不重要，
All that mattered was the effect.
重要的是结果。
And tomorrow would be just the beginning.
明天不过是刚刚开始。
