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Before my research, the idea of how our secrets hurt us was very simple: For decades and decades, psychologists have said that the reason secrets harm our health and well-being is because of the stress of hiding something during a social interaction.
在我进行研究之前，为什么秘密会伤害我们是显而易见的：几十年来，心理学家一直说，秘密之所以会损害我们的健康和福祉，是因为隐藏一些东西会在社交互动中带来压力。
But, often when people hear this conclusion from the research, they say it doesn't sound right, it doesn't jive with their experience.
但是，当人们听到这个研究结论时，他们经常会说，这听起来不合理，与他们的经验不符。
First of all, those situations don't look like anything like in the real world.
首先，这些情况看起来与现实世界完全不同。
In those situations, the person is asked to conceal a secret, and the other person in the room was instructed to ask questions directly related to the secret.
在研究环境中，一个人被要求隐瞒一个秘密，房间里的另一个人收到指示，要直接询问和这个秘密有关的问题。
That turns out to not be a common situation.
这种情况在现实中并不常见。
When I ask people about secrets they've never told anyone about, and how often they've had to conceal them, they say that they've only had to conceal them about two times on average of the past month.
当我询问人们他们从未告诉过他人的秘密，以及他们必须隐瞒这些秘密的频率时，他们说，在过去的一个月里，他们平均只需要隐瞒大约两次。
But when I ask, "How many times has someone asked you about this secret?"
但当我问：“别人问过你多少次关于这个秘密的问题？”
They'll say about once in the past month.
他们说在过去一个月里是一次。
Meaning, half the time we're concealing a secret, nobody asked us a question about it at all.
这意味着，在我们隐藏秘密的一半时间里，根本没有人问我们相关问题。
And so, the reason why concealing a secret in a social interaction is not as stressful as we've long imagined, is that the average experience of concealing a secret is an easy one.
所以，为什么在社交互动中隐藏秘密并不像我们长期以来想象的那样有压力，是因为整体而言，隐藏秘密相对比较简单。
When you're concealing a secret, it's actually this useful situation because you just carefully attend to what you're saying, and how the other person is responding.
当你隐藏秘密时，其实是有用的，因为你会留意自己所说的话，也会注意其他人的反应。
During the midst of a concealment episode, you don't have the bandwidth or the time to think about all the ways in which a secret hurts you.
在隐藏事件中，你没精力或时间去思考秘密对你造成的伤害。
And so, what we've learned from 10 years of my research is that, actually, the hard part of having a secret is not that we have to hide it, it's that we have to live with it alone in our thoughts.
所以，我在10年的研究中学到的是，拥有秘密的难处并不在于我们必须隐藏它，而是我们得在思想中独自面对它。
And when you're alone in your thoughts, your mind can go to more harmful places.
当你独自思考时，可能会产生更有害的思想。
When we ask people about their most pressing secret, they'll say that they definitely think about that secret about 20 times in a week if not more.
问到人们他们最迫切的秘密时，他们会说，肯定是他们在一周内至少会思考这个秘密20次。
And if you have a secret that's upsetting you or you're not sure what to do, the one clear recommendation I can give is talk to someone else about that secret.
如果有一个秘密让你心烦意乱，或者你不知道该怎么做，我能给出的一个明确的建议就是和其他人谈谈这个秘密。
You don't have to reveal it to the person you're keeping it from, but talking about it with someone else can make the world of difference.
你不需要把秘密告诉你想隐瞒的人，但和别人聊聊它也会让你有很大的改观。
When we keep a secret, we're often trying to protect something.
当我们保守秘密时，通常是想要保护一些东西。
Maybe we're trying to protect ourselves or what other people think of us.
也许我们是想要保护自己，或者是保护其他人对我们的看法
But, when we hold back from other people, it's not always protecting it.
但是，当我们对其他人有所保留时，并不总是在保护秘密。
Our secrets can hurt our relationships, our health, and our well-being in so many ways- but we don't have to be alone in our thoughts.
我们的秘密可能会在很多方面伤害我们的人际关系、健康和幸福--但我们不必在思想上孤孤单单。
Our secrets don't have to hurt us, and once we understand them better, we can understand how to better cope with them- which ones we might be better off revealing, and, essentially, just how to move forward.
我们的秘密不一定非得伤害我们，一旦我们更了解它们，就能更好地应对它们--最好将哪些秘密揭露出来，然后继续前行。
