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So, I was the CEO of a large, religious nonprofit, spoke at some of the largest churches in America,
我曾是一家大型宗教非营利组织的执行长，会在美国最大的一些教堂做演讲，
was on television in 70 different markets, but more than anything else, I just wanted to be a good parent.
在七十个不同市场上过电视，但我最想要的是，能够当一个好父母。
I told all three of my children, "When the going gets tough, you have to choose the road less traveled, the narrow path."
我告诉我的三个孩子：“遇到艰困的状况时，你得要选择少有人走的路，狭窄的路。”
I had no idea how difficult that was going to become.
我完全不知道会变得多困难。
I knew from the time I was three or four years of age that I was transgender.
在我三、四岁时，我就知道我是个跨性别者。
I knew if I came out, I would lose everything.
我知道如果我出柜，就会失去一切。
But the call toward authenticity is sacred and for the greater good,
但要我们追求真实的呼唤是很神圣的，这是为了大我，
and it asks you to trust that the truth not only sets you free, it will set everyone free.
你得要相信，真相并不只会让你自由，它会让每个人自由。
I decided to stake my life on it. So I came out.
我决定拿我的人生来赌一把。所以我出柜了。
Turns out, if you spend most of your life working in the conservative religious world,
结果发现，如果你人生中大部分时间都在一个保守的宗教世界里做事，
coming out as transgender is not all that great for your career. Who knew?
出柜承认自己是跨性别者对你的职业生涯并没有什么好处。谁会知道呢？
Within seven days, I lost every single one of my jobs.
在七天之内，我失去了我所有的工作。
My family was supportive but struggling.
我的家人支持我，但他们也很挣扎。
Most of my friends and coworkers had rejected me; the rest were confused.
我大部分的朋友和同事都排拒我；剩下的则是感到困惑。
One friend said, "You really messed with me."
有位朋友说：“你真的惹毛我了。”
I said, "Yeah, well, get in line."
我说：“是啊，请领取号码牌排队等候。”
They said, "You were my only example of an alpha male who was gentle."
他们说：“你是我所知道的雄性领袖中唯一很温柔的。”
And I thought, "Oh. You're right." I was an alpha male. And I was gentle.
我心想：“喔，你是对的。”我是雄性领袖。并且我很温柔。
And if it was hard for him, how much more difficult was it for my own son?
如果对他来说很辛苦，那对我自己的儿子会有多困难？
Estrangement was not an option.
没有“疏远”这个选项。
It was Father's Day and my girls brought me craft beer and a homemade jar of pickles,
那天是父亲节，我的女儿们带了精酿啤酒给我，还有一罐自制的腌渍食品，
which, in my estimation, is the perfect Father's Day gift.
依我估计，这是完美的父亲节礼物。
But the question remained: Do I call my own father?
但问题还是在：我要打给我的父亲吗？
To call him, and I continue down this spiral of denial, pretending that my dad was still -- well, my dad.
我一直陷在这个否认的旋涡中，是否要打给他，假装我爸爸仍然是--嗯，我爸爸。
To not call was to acknowledge that everything had changed.
如果不打电话，就是承认一切都改变了。
It meant that I was in for years of pain and mourning and sadness, but ultimately, hope for reconciliation.
就意味着我多年来在承受痛苦、悲伤、哀恸，但最终，希望能和解。
There's no playbook for when one's father of 30 plus years decides to transition to the female gender.
没有剧本教我们，三十多年的爸爸决定要转性成女性时，我们该怎么应对。
But my dad did teach me one thing. He said the road to redemption always comes from choosing the narrow path.
但我爸爸确实教了我一件事。他说，通往救赎之路总是来自选择比较狭窄的路。
And so I decided not to call that day, and a few months later,
所以我决定那天不要打电话，几个月之后，
Paula flew out and met me at a hotel in New York, my wife and I.
葆拉坐飞机到纽约的一间饭店和我跟我太太见面。
I knocked on the door, and this woman answered. It definitely wasn't my dad.
我敲了门，这位女子来应门。那肯定不是我爸爸。
"It's good to see you," she said. It didn't sound like my dad, either.
她说：“见到你真好。”声音听起来也不是我爸爸。
We went to lunch, and the waiter came to take our order.
我们去吃午餐，服务生来帮我们点餐。
He said, "Let's start with the ladies," but there was only one lady at the table and it was my wife,
他说：“女士们先点。”但这桌只有我太太一位女士，
and -- oh my God, there are two women at the table.
并且，我的天，这桌有两位女士。
And my dad ordered something like lettuce, and I was like, I have fries on my plate.
我爸爸点了莴苣之类的东西，而我，我的盘子上有薯条。
Did my dad like fries? I don't remember. I think he liked them.
我爸爸喜欢薯条吗？我不记得了。我想他喜欢。
But she wasn't eating them. Here's this woman who knew everything about me, and I knew nothing about her.
但她并没有吃薯条。这个女子知道我的一切，而我却对她一无所知。
I don't even remember saying goodbye.
我甚至不记得我有没有说再见。
All I could think about that day was that it was late September in New York, and I was wearing white jeans.
那天，我脑中只有一件事，那是纽约的九月底，而我穿着白色的牛仔裤。
You don't wear white after Labor Day in New York.
在纽约，在劳动节之后就没有人穿白色了。
There was a knock at the door, and all I could think about was, here I stand in my wrong jeans.
有人在敲门，我却满脑子都是我穿错了牛仔裤站在这里。
And then I saw these big, blue eyes I love so much, and they were staring back at me in disbelief.
接着，我看到了我心爱的蓝色大眼睛，它们带着怀疑的眼神盯着我看。
And I thought, "Oh, this is not going to be easy."
我心想：“喔，这次会面肯定不会容易。”
When one person in a family transitions, the entire family transitions whether they want to or not.
当家中有一个人变性，整个家庭都会跟着变，不论他们是否情愿。
Now, for those on the fringes it was easy.
对于在两端边缘的人，这很容易。
The liberals said, "Oh, wonderful! She's found her truth, how delightful."
自由派说：“喔，太好了！她找到了真正的自己，真令人高兴。”
And the conservatives said, "That's messed up, I'm out of here."
保守派说：“真是乱来，我要闪人了。”
But for my family, neither extreme was going to work.
但对我的家庭来说，这两个极端都行不通。
Their anger, their hurt, their love and loyalty -- all of it had to be brought on to the road of trials.
他们的愤怒、他们的伤痛、他们的爱和他们的忠诚--这一切都要通过试炼。
Was it all a lie? Every game of catch in the front yard, the Mets season tickets -- was that with my dad or was that with her?
这全是谎言吗？我们每次在前院玩传球，大都会队的球赛季票--那些事，我是和我爸爸还是和她一起做的？
I remember this one time, my dad took me on a bike ride through Heckscher Park to teach me about sex.
我记得有一次，我爸爸带我骑脚踏车穿过赫克歇尔公园，去教我性教育。
He explained the parts of the body that I now know he wished weren't hers.
他解释身体的部位，我现在知道，他真希望这些部位不是她的。
Had my father ever even existed? Now, grief -- grief is without rules.
我爸爸真的存在过吗？悲痛--悲痛是没有规则的。
Grief borrows your car without asking, wrecks it and then doesn't apologize.
悲痛会不问就直接借走你的车，把车撞坏，还不会道歉。
And I was a wreck. This was heavy. I retreated into myself. I was angry. I felt betrayed.
留我一团糟。这太沉重了。我缩了起来。我很愤怒。我感觉被背叛了。
And I guess I should have known by the fact that you encouraged me to be a Mets fan
当你鼓励我成为大都会球迷时我就该知道，
that you were preparing me for life's really big disappointments.
你是在帮我准备将来要面对人生的大挫折。
That's true. And yet, there were the games of catch,
那是真的。但我们还是有玩传球，
and there were the season tickets and bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches every Saturday from the best bagel place on Long Island.
还是有棒球赛的季票，每个星期六还有培根、蛋和芝士三明治，来自长岛最棒的贝果店。
My father lived this life he didn't want to live, but he lived it so that I could have a dad.
我爸爸过了这段他不想要过的人生，但他这么做了，所以我才能有个爸爸。
I stopped wondering if my dad had ever existed. He had existed -- willfully, consciously, intentionally
我不再纳闷我爸爸是否曾经存在过。他存在过--蓄意地、有意识地、刻意地，
each and every day of my growing up. For that, I was thankful.
存在于我成长过程中的每一天。为此，我心存感激。
Paula's body was hers now and her transformation was complete, but my transformation was just beginning.
现在，葆拉的身体是她的了，她的转化已经完成，但我的转化才刚刚开始。
I had another trial, another journey, another choice to heed my father's advice and continue down that narrow path.
我还有另一个试炼、另一趟旅程、另一个选择，要听从我爸爸的建议，继续走这条狭窄的路。
So most days I believe there is a God.
大部分的时候，我相信有神。
Tuesdays and Thursdays can be tough, and any day that you're on the New Jersey Turnpike. I mean, really, you know?
星期二和星期四可能很艰苦，在新泽西州收费道路上的任何日子也是。真的，你们懂吧？
It's hard to believe in God when your soul is in the wrong body.
当你的灵魂被放错了身体，就很难再相信神。
Still, somehow I ended up in ministry. When I lost all my jobs, it was nothing personal.
但不知怎么的，我最后成了牧师。我失去了我所有的工作时，那不是针对个人。
It's what religious tribes do.
宗教团体就是这样的。
They believe an enemy is necessary for the tribe to survive, so where no enemy exists, they create one.
他们相信，必须要有个敌人，他们的团体才能生存，所以在没有敌人时，他们就会创造一个。
Right now, sexual minorities are the enemy; my departure was swift and sure.
现在，性小众是敌人；我的离开是快速且肯定的。
I was surprised when my son left his job teaching in West Philadelphia to go into the ministry.
我很意外我儿子离开了他在西费城的教职，而去当牧师。
I did not see that one coming. And now I wondered: What would he do?
我完全没有料到。我开始纳闷：他会怎么做？
I didn't have to wait that long to find an answer.
我不用等那么久，就找到了答案。
Six months after that first visit, he invited me back to New York.
在第一次造访后六个月，他邀请我回去纽约。
The designers of the Brooklyn Bridge, they had their share of bad luck.
布鲁克林大桥的设计者，他们也有自己的厄运。
John Roebling, he died shortly after the bridge's construction began.
约翰·罗布尔在该桥的建设工程开始后没多久就过世了。
His son Washington took over, but he suffered from decompression sickness.
他的儿子华盛顿接手，却饱受潜水员病之苦。
His wife Emily became the surrogate executive engineer who oversaw the bridge's completion.
他的太太埃米莉成为代理执行工程师，监督该桥完工。
Father and son, John and Washington, done in by their work.
父亲和儿子，约翰和华盛顿，被他们的工作搞垮。
It was this sunny day in May and my father and I sat in the shadow of that Brooklyn Bridge.
五月的一个晴天，我爸爸和我坐在布鲁克林桥的蔽阴下。
Would our lives follow the Roeblings' -- father and son, done in by our work?
我们的人生会步上罗布尔家的后尘吗--父亲和儿子，被我们的工作搞垮？
My father thought that her friends in church would carry her through her transition, and they did not.
我爸爸认为她在教堂的朋友会在她转化过程中支持她，但他们并没有。
They ditched her and they clung to me. I was the pastor of a new church in Brooklyn.
他们抛下她，他们缠着我。我是布鲁克林一家新教堂的本堂牧师。
This wonderful group of forward-thinking people, and yet, we were financially tied to really conservative churches.
这群美好的人，很有前瞻眼光，但我们在财务上被保守的教堂绑住。
To hold space for Paula meant jeopardizing our own church's livelihood.
若要为葆拉留个位置，就可能危害到我们自己教堂的生计。
I sort of straddled the line between these warring worlds.
我有点像是跨立在两个誓不两立的世界中间。
So I said to my dad, "Dad, I still live and work in your old world.
所以，我对我爸爸说：“老爸，我还在你的旧世界中生活和工作。
Is it possible that you might extend an olive branch for my sake?"
你有没有可能为了我，伸出和平的橄榄枝呢？”
And her response was impassioned.
她的回应很热烈。
You said to me, "Do you have any idea what it feels like to finally show yourself to your true friends
你对我说：“你知不知道这是怎样的感觉？终于能向你真正的朋友展现你自己，
and have them completely reject you? To ask you to live a lie? Do you know what that feels like?"
而他们完全排拒你？要求你活在谎言中？你知道那是什么样的感觉吗？”
And I didn't know what that felt like. But I knew I had a decision to make.
我不知道那是什么样的感觉。但我知道我有一个决定要做。
It was the decision to continue down that narrow path through nights,
这个决定就是要在天黑时继续走这条狭窄的路，
but for the first time, I caught a glimpse of light.
但第一次，我看到了一丝光线。
I cannot ask my father to be anything other than her true self.
我不能要求我爸爸去做她真实自我以外的人。
So as we sat by the river that day, Jonathan talked about his pain, his suffering, his grief, his confusion.
所以那天，当我们坐在河边时，强纳森谈到他的痛苦、他的苦难、他的悲伤、他的困惑。
He brought all of himself to that conversation, and it tore at me to be the cause of such pain.
他完全投入那次的对话，我的心都碎了，因为我是痛苦的成因。
But as he talked, there was something redemptive going on, full of tension but possibility, grounded in that narrow path.
但在他谈话时，有种救赎正在发生，充满了压力，但也是可能性，牢固地立基在那条狭窄的路上。
He said, "This is always going to be hard. It always will be. But Dad, I love you."
他说：“这永远会很辛苦。永远都会。但老爸，我爱你。”
My son is the best of me and more. He's bold and strong, sensitive and thoughtful.
我儿子是我最好的我，还要更多。他很大胆且强壮，敏感且体贴。
I guess you could say, he's an alpha male who's gentle.
我想，你们可以说，他是个温柔的雄性领袖。
It was time for my daughters to meet their -- Paula.
该是时候了，该让我的女儿们见见她们的--葆拉。
We went back to my apartment, and my daughters were coloring at the dining room table, and there was this awkward silence.
我们回到我的公寓，我的女儿们在餐桌上画画，当时有种尴尬的沉默。
And finally, my youngest asked a single, confident question. "So, Grandpa, do you have a penis?"
终于，我最小的女儿问了一个很有自信的问题。“所以，爷爷，你有鸡鸡吗？”
And after the tension abated and the laughter subsided,
在压力减轻，笑声消退之后，
my girls took their grandpa back into their room and showed her their new toys,
我的女儿们带爷爷去她们房间，让她看她们的新玩具，
and they christened her with a new name. They called her "GrandPaula."
还帮她取了个新教名。她们叫她“大葆拉”。
So this past summer, I had all five of my granddaughters at my home, there in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.
去年夏天，五位孙女到我家来，在落基山脉的丘陵中。
We went swimming in the cool waters of the river that flows through our little town.
有条河流过我们的小镇，我们去清凉的河水里游泳。
And one day, one of Jonathan's girls said to me, "GrandPaula, can we go tubing on the river?"
有一天，强纳森的一个女儿对我说：“大葆拉，我们能不能坐内胎顺流而下？”
And I said, "Well, you know, I'd really wait until your daddy gets here for that.
我说：“嗯，你知道的，我得要等你爸爸来才行。
That feels to me like that ought to be his call."
我觉得这应该是由他来决定。”
And she said, "Oh, but GrandPaula, he'll exactly make the same decision you would. He's a lot like you, you know."
她说：“喔，但大葆拉，他一定会跟你做一样的决定。他很像你，你知道的。”
And I thought, yeah, he is a lot like me,
我心想，是啊，他很像我，
both of us determined to find the narrow path and follow it through the long, dark night, all the way to the light of dawn.
我们两人都很坚决要找到狭窄的路，即使在漫长的黑夜也还是要走下去，一路走到黎明的曙光。
Have you ever noticed that a child who is secure, a child who knows love, that child will dance?
你们有没有注意过无忧虑的孩子，知道爱的孩子，会跳舞的孩子？
They wave their arms, they kick their legs to music that only they can hear.
他们会挥动他们的手臂，跟着只有他们能听见的音乐踢他们的脚。
It's the music of a child who is safe and unharmed and wholly loved.
这是一个有安全感、未受伤害且全心被爱的孩子的音乐。
The day after my children met their GrandPaula, she took them to go get doughnuts,
在我的孩子们见到大葆拉的那天之后，她带她们去买甜甜圈，
and I watched as they walked down the street, and my girls took my father's arms, and they danced.
我看着她们沿着街道走，我的女儿们拉着我爸爸的手臂，她们在跳舞。
My father's arms swung wildly. You bought them one too many doughnuts, because you always do...
我爸爸的手臂大大地挥舞着。你帮他们多买了一个甜甜圈，因为你总是会这么做。
I watched my older daughter take a bite of her doughnut, and she unleashed two jumps and a twirl. It was perfect.
我看着我的大女儿咬一口甜甜圈，她做出了两个跳跃和一个旋转。很完美。
That narrow path, it always has its share of burdens and challenges.
那条狭窄的路，它总是会附有重担和挑战。
But I was certain that we were going to see this through to redemption.
但我很肯定，我们会度过它，走向救赎。
I looked at my dad and I looked at my girls who were dancing and eating their doughnuts,
我看向我爸爸，我看着我的女儿们跳舞、吃甜甜圈，
and I said aloud to no one in particular, I said, "This ... this is how God sees my dad."
没有特别对着谁，但我大声说：我说：“这...这就是神眼中我爸爸的样子。”
My father was literally born again.
我爸爸真的重生了。
And by choosing the narrow path of redemption, I was born again with her. Thank you.
我选择了走上狭窄的救赎之路，所以我也与她一同重生了。谢谢。
