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Jennifer was about to give birth to her first child and had decided to turn her home office into a nursery. A self- employed Web designer, she was delighted about the baby but afraid of being isolated and losing the self-esteem that came with having built her own business. "I know I should be happy, and I am -- but I'm not," she confided. "I'm excited about starting a family, but I want my life too, and I want the community that has come with working."
What do I want? It's a simple question, yet many of us aren't sure. But -- surprise! -- it doesn't have to be all that difficult to answer. It's a matter of focus.
Have you ever looked through a telescope at something? You find a reference point to home in on, then fiddle with the settings. At first, it's too close, then it's too far away, finally it's just right. The point is, it takes many adjustments to bring the subject into focus. If you want to look at something else, the process starts again.
Goal-setting is the same way. Don't worry if at first you don't know exactly what you want to do. Just don't make the mistake of never committing to anything. Sometimes the answer is very simple: Just pick something!
Dr. Mark Goulston, author of Get Out of Your Own Way at Work, suggests you "look back in order to look forward." Examine your calendar at day's end during a typical week and grade each appointment or listing on a scale of -3 to +3, where -3 means "If I never do this again, it will be too soon" and +3 means "I could do this all day long, and I can't wait to do it again." Once you identify the recurring themes, you'll be able to better focus your dreams.
If you're still stumped, ask yourself two questions: What would I truly regret if I did not achieve it? What would I do if I knew I could not fail? Don't be afraid to dream big -- or small. And don't let others define your success. Remember Jennifer? She worked through her conflicting emotions about having a baby and decided that this was actually an opportunity to help other pregnant women. She started a website that has grown into a vibrant interactive online community.
So, don't ever look back and wonder "what if". You've got a dream, right? And now you've got the plan, so what are you waiting for?
