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Cheers, guys.
大家好
Ladies and gentlemen, in an interview with a Swedish newspaper, I don't know if you saw this,
女士们先生们 不知道你们看到这个没有 瑞典的一家报纸上刊登了一则采访
but an Iraqi woman revealed that she was married to a man for months before discovering that he was the leader of ISIS. Right?
一位伊拉克女士透露 她嫁给一位男士数月之后 才发现自己的丈夫是ISIS的首领
Yeah, now as much as that's bad news for her, it's good for us men, right?
虽然这对她本人来说不是什么好事 不过对男人来说是个好消息啊不是吗
Because my wife thought it was bad that I sometimes sneak eating Krispy Kremes.
因为我老婆觉得我偷偷吃甜甜圈特别不好
It turns out it could be so much worse. Right?
事实证明情况还可以更糟糕
This woman should have been tipped off when during the vows at their wedding the groom said until death to America do us part.
比如 婚礼宣誓的时候 新郎对新娘说 只有美国的灭亡才能将我们分开
But she said she thought it was strange that her husband would disappear for weeks at a time, right?
但这位女士也提到 丈夫有时候会突然失踪几个星期她觉得奇怪
But it makes sense. His man cave was literally a cave.
但是可以理解嘛 她的丈夫需要个人空间（洞穴） 谁知道真的就是个洞穴
And if she does finally find a new boyfriend, like wow, I've got—I feel bad for that guy.
如果她之后找了新男朋友 就比如——我为这位男士感到抱歉
Do you know what I mean? Like he's never going to be able to say like I'm just going away for the weekend with the boys.
你们明白我意思吗 他永远不能跟女朋友说 我跟几个朋友出去玩几个星期
She'll be like oh, are you, Josh? Or are you the head of ISIS?
因为这位女士会回答说 哦是这样吗 还是因为你是ISIS的领袖呢
But it seems amazing that the husband was able to get away with this.
但是很神奇的是 丈夫的身份居然能一直没被妻子发现
Because I don't think—I imagine that being the head of ISIS is a pretty high-profile job, do you know what I mean.
因为我觉得——我觉得ISIS的首领应该还挺引人注目的 你们明白我意思吗
Although I host a talk show on CBS at 12:37,
尽管我每天12:37会在CBS主持脱口秀
I can tell my wife I do anything, she'll never see this.
我还是可以告诉我妻子我做的是其他的任何工作 反正她也不会看到
Now this one lady got fooled.
这位女士被骗了
However the US State department wants to make sure that you don't get fooled as well.
所以美国国务院希望你们不要也被骗了
Because apparently during spring break Americans abroad are often seduced into drinking a lot of alcohol by strangers,
因为春假期间 很多出国的美国人会被陌生人骗去喝很多酒
completely true, who then will take them away and steal their money, right.
这绝对是真的 然后他们被陌生人带走 还被偷了钱
And this is, of course, a very serious issue and the state department decided to tweet about it.
这当然是个非常严重的问题 因此国务院还特地发了一条推特
But they did it in a kind of a weird way, right.
就是方式有点奇怪
The tweet they put up said not a ten in the US? Then not a ten overseas.
他们在推文中说 按照美国的审美标准如果你拿不到10分 那在国外也一样
Beware of being lured into buying expensive drinks or worse—being robbed.
小心被人骗去买你买不起的酒 或者更惨——被人抢劫
#springbreakingbadly, right?
还带了话题 罪恶春假
Now it's like, it's hard to know if you are a ten or not,
一个人很难知道自己现在的样子能不能拿到10分
you know, some days it is, and here's how you know that you're not a ten, okay.
因为有时候你是可以拿到的 但是我告诉你一个办法 教你怎么知道自己拿不到10分
You follow the U.S. State department on Twitter.
方法就是去关注美国国务院的推特
That's you.
就这样
So the backlash came quick and people were pretty annoyed at being told that they may be unattractive.
很快有人开始发出反对的声音 人们因为别人说他们没有吸引力而愤怒
And the state department actually issued an apology
于是国务院出来道歉
and they tweeted apparently a bunch of fives got their feelings hurt by our tweet.
他们又发表了一篇推文说 一堆只能拿到5分的人 看了我们前一条推文感觉受到了伤害
# BasicBitches#HotPeopleProblems
带话题 戏精 热度高的人才会面对的问题
Okay, that's not what they put, that's not what they put.
当然 他们实际上没这么写
Right, well, will we're at it, request doesn't every department of government do this?
既然说到这里 我就想 为什么不是每个国家部门都这样发文呢
Like I'm looking forward to the department of interior tweeting don't start forest fires... by rubbing your big ass thighs together. # thighgap
我还希望内政部发文可以这样写 不要摩擦大腿 会引起森林火灾 带话题 大腿间距
And then around—around tax time the IRS could tweet bitch better have my money.
然后到了快缴税的时候 国税局就发推说 贱人们快拿钱
But in the end, the state department's right.
但实际上国务院说的没错
You can't have too high of an opinion of yourself.
不要对自己太过自信
Are you not going to get a woman that's hotter than you just because she's foreign and you're American.
不可能仅仅因为你是个美国人 你喜欢的女生不是美国人 你就能得到她
I mean you also have be to rich.
你还得有钱
