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Things My Mother Taught Me
------Anonymous
My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me religion:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about time travel:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My Mother taught me logic:
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me foresight:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM contortion:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about stamina:
"You'll sit there'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about weather:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about envy:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
