At a popular mall in Dothan, Alabama, Santa Claus asked a 33-year-old woman, sitting on his lap, what she wanted for Christmas. She said she wanted him! “I couldn’t believe it,” said Paul Moyer, 65 years old. “I figured that I misheard her, so I asked her again. She didn’t say ‘Yule’; she said ‘You’—meaning me!”

And then she started groping Santa. She put both hands on his cheeks and gave him a big kiss on his lips. She pulled off his cap and stroked his white hair—or what was left of it. Then she unbuckled his big black belt and stuck her hand down his pants. Santa was no match for this young woman, who was stronger, faster, and hornier than he was. He started yelling for help.

By the time a security guard arrived, the woman had unbuttoned Santa’s jacket and was rubbing her chest against his. She was wearing flip-flops, shorts, and a T-shirt, with no bra. The guard asked her to leave Santa alone, but she ignored him. He had to pull her off Santa. Both Santa and the woman were out of breath.

The police eventually arrived. They handcuffed the woman and put her in a squad car. They said she would be charged with sexual assault and battery. “That poor guy didn’t know what hit him,” said one officer. Santa took a 10-minute break to recover and to put his Santa suit back together.

When Santa returned to his chair by the Christmas tree, he apologized to the kids who had witnessed the attack. They did not seem to be bothered by the excitement, except for the fact that they had to wait in line a little longer to visit with Santa. Two 13-year-old boys, however, enjoyed the “show.” They both said they couldn’t wait until they were old enough to work as Santa in a mall. “She was hot!” said one of the boys.