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If you look at a carpenter, they have a toolbox; a dentist, they have their drills.
我们知道，木匠有自己的工具箱，牙医有自己的牙钻。
In our era and the type of work most of us are doing,
在我们当今绝大多数工作中，
the tool we most need is actually centered around being able to give and receive feedback well.
我们最需要的工具其实都关乎能否很好地提供与获得反馈。
Humans have been talking about feedback for centuries.
关于反馈，人类已经讨论了数百年之久。
In fact, Confucius, way back in 500 BC, talked about how important it is to be able to say difficult messages well.
实际上，公元前500年的孔夫子就讨论过有效表达复杂信息的重要性。
But to be honest, we're still pretty bad at it.
但说实话，我们至今依然不善其道。
In fact, a recent Gallup survey found that
实际上，近期一项盖洛普问卷调查发现，
only 26 percent of employees strongly agree that the feedback they get actually improves their work.
强烈认同业绩反馈能有效提升业绩的员工只占26%。
Those numbers are pretty dismal. So what's going on?
相当可悲的数字。到底发生了什么？
The way that most people give their feedback actually isn't brain-friendly.
其实大多数人提供反馈的方式并不利于大脑接受。
People fall into one of two camps.
提供反馈的人分成两类。
Either they're of the camp that is very indirect and soft
一类人非常委婉而温和，
and the brain doesn't even recognize that feedback is being given or it's just simply confused,
让接受反馈者的大脑甚至无法辨别自己已经收到反馈，或是对此感到非常困惑；
or they fall into the other camp of being too direct,
另一类人则是太过于直接，
and with that, it tips the other person into the land of being defensive.
会让接受反馈者进入防备状态。
There's this part of the brain called the amygdala,
大脑里有个叫杏仁核的部位，
and it's scanning at all times to figure out whether the message has a social threat attached to it.
它每时每刻都在检查接受到的信息里是否含有社交威胁。
With that, we'll move forward to defensiveness, we'll move backwards in retreat,
这样一来，我们就会趋于戒备，寻找退路，
and what happens is the feedback giver then starts to disregulate as well.
于是反馈提供者也乱了阵脚。
They add more ums and ahs and justifications, and the whole thing gets wonky really fast.
他们话语变得支支吾吾，语无伦次，整个对话只能草草结束。
It doesn't have to be this way.
但提供反馈大可不必如此。
I and my team have spent many years going into different companies and asking who here is a great feedback giver.
我和我的团队历时数年走访了不同的公司，询问公司内部有谁善于提供反馈。
Anybody who's named again and again, we actually bring into our labs to see what they're doing differently.
任何经多人证实精于此道者，都会被我们邀请到实验室，以了解他们独特的反馈技巧。
And what we find is that there's a four-part formula that you can use to say any difficult message well.
于是我们发现了一个能有效表达复杂信息的“四步诀”。
OK, are you ready for it? Here we go.
准备好了吗？现在开始。
The first part of the formula is what we call the micro-yes.
四步诀的第一步叫“小肯定”。
Great feedback givers begin their feedback by asking a question that is short but important.
善于提供反馈者会以简洁而关键的提问作为反馈的开始方式。
It lets the brain know that feedback is actually coming.
从而让接受者的大脑知道反馈要来了。
It would be something, for example, like, "Do you have five minutes to talk about how that last conversation went"
比方说，“能不能占用你五分钟，讨论一下刚刚的交流结果？”
or "I have some ideas for how we can improve things. Can I share them with you?"
或是“关于如何完善我们的工作，我有一些想法。能和你说说吗？”
This micro-yes question does two things for you.
这种小肯定的问题能做到两件事。
First of all, it's going to be a pacing tool.
首先，它能成为同步工具。
It lets the other person know that feedback is about to be given.
这会让对方知道你要提供反馈了。
And the second thing it does is it creates a moment of buy-in.
其次，它能制造一种主动接纳的氛围。
I can say yes or no to that yes or no question. And with that, I get a feeling of autonomy.
“小肯定”问题的回应方式只有“是”与“否”。从而，我能获得一种自主权的感觉。
The second part of the feedback formula is going to be giving your data point.
反馈四步诀的第二步叫“摆事实”。
Here, you should name specifically what you saw or heard, and cut out any words that aren't objective.
为此，你需要明确地列出你的所见所闻，并摒弃任何不客观的词汇。
There's a concept we call blur words. A blur word is something that can mean different things to different people.
有一个我们称之为“模糊词汇”的概念。“模糊词汇”是指那些不同的人有不同理解的词。
Blur words are not specific. So for example, if I say "You shouldn't be so defensive" or "You could be more proactive."
“模糊词汇”都很笼统。举个例子，我会说“你不必这么抵触”，或者“你本可以更主动”。
What we see great feedback givers doing differently is they'll convert their blur words into actual data points.
我们发现，善于反馈者的独到之处在于，他们会将模糊词汇转化到要摆出的事实里。
So for example, instead of saying, "You aren't reliable,"
比如，这句话“你真不可靠。”
we would say, "You said you'd get that email to me by 11, and I still don't have it yet."
可以更好地表达成，“你说好了11点钟会把电子邮件给我，可我现在还没收到。”
Specificity is also important when it comes to positive feedback,
明确性对于积极反馈而言也很重要，
and the reason for that is that we want to be able to specify exactly what we want the other person to increase or diminish.
因为我们希望能明确指出自己到底想让对方做得更多还是更少。
And if we stick with blur words,
而如果我们总是用词模糊，
they actually won't have any clue particularly what to do going forward to keep repeating that behavior.
对方也就搞不清接下来要反复执行的是什么行为。
The third part of the feedback formula is the impact statement.
四步诀的第三步是“论影响”。
Here, you name exactly how that data point impacted you.
你要说明刚刚摆出的事实怎样影响到你了。
So, for example, I might say, "Because I didn't get the message, I was blocked on my work and couldn't move forward"
举个例子，我会说，“因为我没收到信息，我的工作进度受到了影响，无法继续。”
or "I really liked how you added those stories, because it helped me grasp the concepts faster."
或者说，“我很喜欢你加的那些故事，因为它们能让我更快地理解概念。”
It gives you a sense of purpose and meaning and logic between the points, which is something the brain really craves.
这样能让你感知到其中的目的、含义和不同要点之间的逻辑，而这才是大脑真正需要的。
The fourth part of the feedback formula is a question.
四步诀的第四步是“提问题”。
Great feedback givers wrap their feedback message with a question.
善于反馈的人会用一个问题来总结他们的反馈信息。
They'll ask something like, "Well, how do you see it?"
他们会这样问：“那么，你怎么看？”
Or "This is what I'm thinking we should do, but what are your thoughts on it?"
或是“我认为我们应该这么做，而你对此又是怎么想的呢？”
What it does is it creates commitment rather than just compliance.
它的作用在于让人应承，而非应付。
It makes the conversation no longer be a monologue, but rather becomes a joint problem-solving situation.
让对话不再是单方独白，而是一个合力解决问题的场景。
But there's one last thing.
还有最后一点。
Great feedback givers not only can say messages well, but also, they ask for feedback regularly.
善于提供反馈者不但能有效地表达信息，他们还会定期寻求反馈。
In fact, our research on perceived leadership shows that you shouldn't wait for feedback to be given to you
实际上，我们对于感知领导力的研究显示，你不该被动地等待反馈，
what we call push feedback -- but rather, you should actively ask for feedback, what we call pulling feedback.
我们称之为“推送反馈”，相反，你应该主动寻求反馈，我们称其为“拉取反馈”。
Pulling feedback establishes you as a continual learner and puts the power in your hands.
拉取反馈能让你成为一名持续学习者，将主动权掌握在自己的手里。
The most challenging situations are actually the ones that call for the most skillful feedback.
最具挑战性的其实是那些要求具备高超反馈技巧的场景。
But it doesn't have to be hard.
但做到这一点并没有那么难。
Now that you know this four-part formula, you can mix and match it to make it work for any difficult conversation.
现在你学到了这四步诀，如何在各式艰难的对话中应用，就由你尽情发挥了。
