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When I was three years old, I was transracially adopted from South Korea by a white family in Salt Lake City, Utah.
在我3岁时，我被一对来自犹他州盐湖城的白人夫妇从韩国“跨种族”收养。
I arrived in America with a mysterious tattoo on my left forearm.
我带着左前臂上的一个神秘纹身，来到了美国。
The tattoo was so large and noticeable that my adoptive parents had it surgically removed right away.
这个纹身很大、很引人注目，我的养父母很快就用手术将它抹除了。
They were worried that other kids would make fun of it.
因为他们担心其他孩子会因此而取笑我。
Today, there's only a light scar where the tattoo once was, so I've redrawn it in permanent marker so you can see what it looked like.
如今，那个原本有纹身的地方只剩下了淡淡的疤痕，于是我用永久性记号笔把它重新画了出来，这样你们就能一睹它的庐山真面目了。
Korean adoption records in 1976 were notoriously incomplete.
1976年，韩国的收养记录是出了名的不完善。
I didn't have any information about my background or my birth family.
所以我当时没有任何关于自己的背景或者出生家庭的信息。
I didn't even know if my name or birth date were real or if they were assigned. And no one knew what my tattoo meant.
我甚至不知道我的名字和出生日期到底是真实的，还是随机分配的。而且没人知道我的纹身有什么含义。
Transracial adoption is where a child from one race or ethnicity is adopted by parents from a different race or ethnicity.
跨种族收养是指一个孩子被来自不同种族或民族的父母收养。
In my generation, children who were adopted from Korea were assimilated into the culture of their adoptive parents.
在我这一代，从韩国领养的孩子都被养父母所处的文化同化了。
So I was raised as if I were white. Growing up, occasionally my family would eat at a Korean restaurant, or we'd go to the Asian festival.
所以我是被当做白人抚养长大的。从小到大，我们家偶尔会去韩国餐馆吃饭，或者去参加亚洲艺术节。
But I did not identify with being Asian.
但我并不认同自己是亚洲人。
Looking back now, having my tattoo removed is symbolic of losing a connection with my Korean ethnicity and culture.
现在回想起来，去掉我的纹身就意味着我失去了与我的韩国血统和文化的联系。
And I am not alone. Since the 1950s, almost 200,000 Korean children have been adopted all over the world.
但我不是个例。从20世纪50年代开始，大约有20万名韩国儿童被世界各地的家庭领养。
A growing body of research shows that children experience trauma when they're separated from their families of origin.
越来越多的研究显示，儿童在与他们的原生家庭分离时都多少会经历一些创伤。
My story includes such childhood trauma. I recently found out that my birth mother left my family shortly after I was born.
我的故事就包含这种童年创伤。我最近才发现，我的生母在我出生不久后就离家出走了。
When I was two years old, my birth father became injured and could not provide for my brothers and me.
当我2岁时，我的生父受了伤，无力再独自抚养我和我的哥哥们。
And so my two older brothers and I were sent to children welfare services.
所以我们三个就被送到了儿童福利院。
And there, someone decided, because I was younger, that I was more adoptable.
由于我的年龄更小，所以那里有人认为，我更容易被收养。
And so, I was sent to a separate orphanage, separated from my brothers who cared for me.
于是，我被送到了另一个孤儿院，与关心照顾我的哥哥们分开了。
My adoption records say that I wouldn't play with any of the other children at the orphanage, and now I know why.
我的收养记录上说，我不愿与孤儿院的其他孩子玩耍，现在我知道了原因。
My adoption photos show the picture of a frightened, malnourished little girl.
在我的收养照片上的，是一个惊恐的、营养不良的小女孩。
Just imagine my culture shock a short and lonely nine months later,
想象一下我在短暂而孤独的9个月后所受到的文化冲击，
as I arrived in America, where everything was different: the people, the buildings, the food and the clothing.
那时我刚刚到美国，那里的一切都是如此不同：人、建筑、食物，还有服饰。
As a three-year-old child, I quickly figured out that no one spoke the Korean language that I spoke, and so I stopped speaking altogether for six months.
作为一个3岁的孩子，我很快发现周围没有一个人说着我讲的韩语，所以我整整6个月都没有说话。
And when I started speaking again, it was in full English.
但当我再次开口说话时，全是英文了。
One of the first phrases I said as my parents showed me my orphanage photos was, "Sara sad."
我最先说出的短语之一，是当我的养父母向我展示我在孤儿院的照片时，我说：“莎拉不开心。”
Children who are adopted often put up emotional walls to protect themselves from being hurt again.
被收养的孩子总是筑起情感的高墙，来保护自己以免再次受伤。
I certainly did this, and like many transracially adopted children,
我确实是这样，正如许多被跨种族收养的孩子一样，
there were many moments growing up where I wished that I was white like the other kids around me.
在成长的过程中，有很多时候我希望自己可以像我身边的孩子那样是白人。
Other kids made fun of my eyes and nose.
其他孩子嘲笑我的眼睛和鼻子。
Now, the '80s styles were particularly brutal to me, with glasses that didn't fit well, hairstyles -- that looked ridiculous on me.
80年代的风格对我来说特别残忍，不合适的眼镜，发型--我留这个发型看起来真的挺搞笑。
This narrative of adoption might be uncomfortable for you to hear.
这个收养故事也许在你们听来很不舒服。
The narrative that we usually hear is that of a new parent, who is eagerly awaiting a child that they've been wanting for so long.
我们经常听到的故事是，一对新父母，急切地等待着一个他们渴望已久的孩子。
The parents' story is told with love, joy and excitement,
这对父母的故事充满了爱、喜悦和兴奋，
and as they bring a newly adopted child into their home, family and friends celebrate and congratulate the parents on their wonderful decision to adopt.
当他们把刚收养的孩子带回家时，家人和朋友们都会为这对父母收养孩子的伟大决定而庆祝。
My parents' adoption story was like a beautiful blanket that kept me warm.
我养父母的收养故事就像一条美丽的毯子，让我感到温暖。
But after a while, it felt like the focus was more on the blanket, covering me and my point of view entirely. I couldn't emotionally breathe.
但是过了一段时间后，我感觉大家的关注点更多得在那条完全盖住了我和我的观点的“毯子”上。我被“毯子”压得喘不过气来。
My parents would say things to me like, "I fell in love with you the first time I saw your photo. My heart broke."
我的养父母会对我说这样的话：“当我第一次见到你的照片时我就爱上了你。我的心都碎了。”
They love me, I know that, and I was wanted. But I wish that the only birth story I had wasn't so sad, so humanitarian.
我知道，他们爱我，他们也需要我。但是我希望我出生的故事不要这么悲伤，不要这么人道主义。
I would often confuse love with gratitude,
我经常把爱与感恩弄混，
especially when other people would say things to me like, "You're so lucky to be adopted to America," or, "Your parents are such angels to adopt you."
尤其是当人们对我说：“你被收养到美国可真幸运！”或者“你父母收养了你，他们简直是天使！”的时候。
To a child, it felt like these comments were constant reminders to be grateful to my parents' charity.
对于一个孩子来说，这些话时时提醒着她要感恩，感恩他养父母的善行。
I resented that I couldn't tell these adults,
我很愤恨自己无法告诉这些大人，
"I don't like being reminded all the time that I'm adopted. I just want to be a normal kid, and maybe even be ungrateful once in a while."
“我不喜欢总是被别人提醒自己是收养的。我只是想做一个正常的孩子，甚至能有一小会儿停止感恩。”
But I learned to smile without really smiling, and as I grew older, I wanted to be able to say, "Sara is still sad."
但是我学会了皮笑肉不笑，当我再大一些时，我希望自己有一天能够说：“莎拉还是不开心。”
But I buried my feelings, and it wasn't until later in life that I realized I'd never really grieved my own adoption.
但我还是隐藏起自己的情绪，直到后来我意识到，我从来不是真的为我是被收养的事实而悲伤。
While many of us understand that adopting a child from a different race, culture or country is never simple,
虽然许多人都明白，收养一个来自不同种族、文化或是国家的孩子从来不是一件容易的事，
we rarely acknowledge the complex emotions that children who are adopted can experience.
我们却很少承认这些被收养的孩子会经历的复杂的感情。
Some children experience feelings of loss, feelings of rejection, grief, shame, guilt, challenges with identity,
有些孩子会感到失去，感到被抛弃、悲伤、羞耻、愧疚，还有身份认同的挑战、
difficulty with intimacy and control issues. Just ask my kids.
难以建立亲密关系，以及父母管控的问题。问问我的孩子们就知道了。
Children who are adopted can still love their adoptive parents at the same time as experiencing these complex emotions.
被收养的孩子们仍会在爱自己的养父母的同时经历这些复杂的情感。
And many of us wonder: If we had had safe emotional spaces to own our own stories when we were younger,
许多人可能会想：在我们小一点的时候，如果能有一些安全的心理空间来书写我们自己的故事，
would we still be struggling to come to terms with adoption as adults?
我们在成年时还会面临着收养带来的种种问题吗？
Where do we find the emotional oxygen to own our own stories?
我们可以从哪里寻找滋养我们故事的“情感氧气”呢？
Since the late 1990s and early 2000s, researchers like Dr. Richard Lee have focused on different parenting techniques for transracial adoption.
从20世纪90年代末期到21世纪初期，博士理查德·李等学者就开始专注于探索跨种族收养的不同抚养方式。
The hope is to help children and their adoptive parents better adapt to their unique racial and ethnic circumstances.
研究的宗旨是，帮助孩子和他们的养父母更好地适应不同的种族和民族背景。
There's more enculturation encouraged, that exposes children to the people, places, languages and culture of their birth families.
这些抚养方式鼓励更多的文化融合，使孩子可以充分接触他们亲生家庭所在环境的人、地方、语言和文化。
Some parents focus on racial inculcation to specifically work with their children on the racism and discrimination that they will experience outside of the home.
有些父母重点关注在种族问题上，以帮助他们的孩子处理他们在外界会经历的种族主义和歧视。
And some parents allow children to choose as they get older the level of exposure to the culture of their birth families.
一些父母允许孩子随着年龄的增长，自主选择在多大程度上接触自己亲生家庭的文化。
Now, we might look at these signs of progress and think we've got it all figured out when it comes to transracial adoption.
现在，当我们看到这些进步的迹象时，我们可能会认为我们已经彻底解决了跨种族收养问题。
The Korean adoptees were the first massive wave of international adoptions, almost 30 years earlier than most other countries,
韩国的被收养儿童是第一次大规模的国际收养潮，大概比其他国家早了30多年，
and so there are entire generations of Korean adoptees -- from children all the way to adults in their 70s
因此出现了好几代的韩国被收养者--从儿童一直到70多岁的老人，
dealing with the impact of their assimilation, and there have only been a handful of studies that follow transracial adoptees over a lifetime.
都在应对着他们被同化的影响，而只有屈指可数的研究对跨种族被收养者的一生进行了跟踪研究。
I know that people around me could not understand my adoption grief.
我知道我身边的人不理解我被收养的悲伤。
Rachel Rostad, another Korean adoptee, expressed what I was feeling when she said,
但瑞秋·罗斯塔德，另一个韩裔被收养者，说出了我的感受：
"Loss is especially confusing to measure when it appears as if I haven't lost anything at all.
“当我看起来好像什么都没有失去的时候，衡量这种失去感尤其令人困惑。
It's not missing like an organ. It's missing like wherever dreams go when you blink awake into the morning light."
这不像丢失了一个器官。这种失去感就好像当你在晨光中眨眼醒来，梦也一样消失的感觉。”
Every year, hundreds of South Korean adoptees search for their birth families.
每年，数以百计的韩国被收养者在寻找他们的亲生父母。
Korean agencies report that less than 15 percent are successful.
据韩国机构报道，他们的成功率不到15%。
Last year, I found my Korean birth family in just three months.
去年，我仅花了3个月就找到了我的韩国亲生家庭。
I posted a photo of my redrawn tattoo on social media, which Korean groups generously shared.
我在社交媒体上分享了一张我重新画好的纹身的照片，这张照片被韩国群体广泛分享了。
And a friend of my brother saw the photo, and he knew instantly what the tattoo meant.
然后我哥哥的一个朋友看到了这张照片，他马上就知道了这个纹身意味着什么。
When my father decided to send us to children welfare services, he was worried that we would be separated and even adopted into foreign countries.
当我父亲决定把我们送到儿童福利中心的时候，他担心我们会被分开，甚至会被收养到国外。
And so he took the unusual step to place a large tattoo on each of our arms and on his own, so that we could find each other someday.
所以他另辟蹊径，在我和哥哥以及他自己的胳膊上都纹上了一个很大的纹身，方便哪一天我们可以找到彼此。
And he tried searching for me. And he was right: the tattoo did eventually lead me to find the family that I had lost.
他拼命努力地想找到我。他的决定是对的：这个纹身最终帮我找到了我失去的家人。
Unfortunately, he passed away nine years before he could see his children reunited.
但不幸的是，我父亲在本可以看见一家人团聚的九年前去世了。
But last year, I traveled to Korea to meet my two older brothers, my aunt and uncle,
去年我到韩国，见到了我的两个哥哥，我的姨姨和叔叔，
and I learned a lot of new things about myself, including my real birth date, which actually makes me seven months older.
我了解了很多关于我的新鲜事，包括我的真实出生日期，而真相让我老了7个月。
This middle-aged woman did not love hearing that she is older.
这个中年女人真的不喜欢听到她的实际年龄更大的消息。
And that explains all those gifted and talented classes I had in school.
这也解释了为什么我在学校读书时显得如此天赋异禀。
But the most important thing that I learned was that I had a loving family in Korea who remembered me as a little baby and had never forgotten me.
但我知道的最重要的事情是，我在韩国有一个爱我的家庭，他们还记得我是小婴儿时的事，并且一直没有忘记我。
I wasn't abandoned, like my adoption records said. I was wanted.
我并不是像我的收养记录上说的那样是被抛弃的。我是有人要的。
It's time to reframe our views on adoption.
所以现在是时候重新定义我们对收养的看法了。
A healthy adoption ecosystem is one in which children, adoptive families and birth families each own their unique stories.
一个健康的领养生态应当是，孩子、收养家庭和亲生家庭都各自拥有他们自己的故事。
When these narratives are placed side by side, it creates better empathy and policies for the lives that adoption impacts.
当这些故事同时展示出来时，可以为他们的生活提供更好的同理心和方针。
Here are two things that adults can do to better protect adopted children's stories.
为了更好地保护被收养儿童的故事，成年人可以做以下两件事。
First, give children safe emotional spaces to express their emotions, both positive and negative.
首先，给孩子们一个安全的情感空间来表达他们的情感，包括积极的和消极的。
Phrases such as "tell me more," "what do you wish for" and "those feelings are normal" are ways that parents can grant emotional oxygen to their children.
比如，“多给我讲讲”，“你想要什么”和“这些感觉是很正常的”这类短语是父母给予孩子“情感氧气”的极佳方式。
Second, validate a child's adoption story.
其次，确认被收养孩子的故事。
Children may express emotions that may feel hurtful or worry an adoptive parent.
孩子们可能会表达出一些令养父母觉得受伤的，或者担心的情感。
As a parent, work to hold and manage your fears separately from your child.
作为父母，需要努力控制和管理你的担忧，别让这种情绪影响你的孩子。
Always acknowledge your child's story as valid and important.
总是认同你的孩子的故事是有效且重要的。
Now, it's natural to want to protect children from experiencing pain.
那么这样，需要保护孩子免受痛苦就是很自然的事了。
But my tattoo is a poignant reminder that every adoption starts with loss, and every child is affected differently.
我的纹身深刻地提醒着我，所有的收养都是从失去开始的，并且每一个孩子受到的影响都不同。
Children who are adopted can live full, rich lives, as we accept and build upon this unique set of cards that we were dealt.
只要我们接受并建立起这样的“收养生态”，被收养的孩子完全可以过上完整、丰富的生活。
And as you listen to our narratives with empathy, you will hear other things as well:
当你怀着同理心聆听我们的故事时，你就会听到额外的一些东西：
childlike curiosity, grace, resilience, courage, love and yes, even gratitude. Thank you.
孩子般的好奇心、慈悲、适应力、勇气、爱，当然，还有感恩。谢谢。
