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The idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points offensive.
认为一个人在很多方面都是一个极难相处的人的想法听起来可能相当不可能，甚至在某些时候是冒犯的。
Yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long-term.
然而，充分理解并欣然承认这种可能性，可能是确保一个提议长期可持续的最可靠方式。
There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don’t, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so.
很少有人比那些不定期怀疑自己可能是这样的人更令人难以忍受。
We are, all of us, invariably, hugely tricky propositions.
我们，我们所有人，总是非常棘手的命题。
We don’t need to know anyone in particular to know this about everyone.
我们不需要特别了解任何人就能知道每个人的情况。
We have all – in some way or another – been inadequately parented, we have a panoply of unfortunate psychological traits, we are beset by bad habits, we are anxious, jealous, ill-tempered and vain.
我们都--以这样或那样的方式--没有得到父母充分的调教，我们有一系列不幸的心理特征，我们被坏习惯所困扰，我们焦虑、嫉妒、脾气暴躁和虚荣。
We are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else’s life by agreeing to be their partner.
我们同意成为别人的伴侣，这给他们的生活带来了极大的麻烦。
We tend to be shielded from this unwelcome news prior to a big relationship through a mixture of sentimentality and neglect.
在一段重要的关系之前，我们往往会通过多愁善感和忽视来屏蔽这些不受欢迎的消息。
Our parents loved us too much to tell us; our friends don’t want to get bogged down in detailed critiques of our personalities; a pleasant occasional meal is all they want from us.
我们的父母太爱我们了，不想告诉我们；我们的朋友不想陷入对我们个性的详细批评中；他们想从我们这里得到的只是偶尔一顿愉快的晚餐。
And our exes were too keen to escape from us to offer up a helpfully detailed critique of our personalities.
我们的前任太热衷于逃避我们，以至于没有提供对我们个性的有益的详细批评。
They simply told us they needed a little more space – or needed to take a long trip to India.
他们只是告诉我们，他们需要更多的空间--或者需要去印度做一次长途旅行。
Furthermore, when we’re on our own, we just don’t notice how annoying we might well be in the eyes of others.
此外，当我们独自一人时，我们只是没有注意到在别人眼中我们很可能是多么令人讨厌。
Perhaps we were in a sulk for the whole of a Sunday, but no-one was there to be driven crazy by our self-pity and our passive fury.
也许我们整个星期天都在闷闷不乐，但没有人会因为我们的自怜和消极的愤怒而发疯。
We may have tendencies to use our work as an escape from intimacy, but so long as we are not permanently with someone, we can pass off our eccentric hours without comment.
我们可能有利用工作来逃避亲密关系的倾向，但只要我们不是永远和某人在一起，我们就可以不加评论地度过我们古怪的时间。
Our peculiar eating habits won’t be real until there is another person across the table to register our challenging chewing sounds and ingredient combinations.
我们独特的饮食习惯不会成为现实，直到桌子对面的另一个人记录下我们具有挑战性的咀嚼声音和配料组合。
Eventually, a partner will call us out on these traits.
最终，伴侣会在这些特点上对我们大加批评。
It feels like a horrible personal attack which a nicer person would not put us through.
这感觉像是一次可怕的人身攻击，一个更好的人不会让我们经历。
But it is no such thing.
但事实并非如此。
It is an inevitable response to our failings – which anyone would need eventually to bring up.
这是对我们失败的地方不可避免的回应--任何人最终都需要提起这一点。
Our partner is not really doing anything odd.
我们的搭档并没有做什么奇怪的事。
They are merely holding up a mirror.
他们只是举起一面镜子。
Everyone, seen close up, has an appalling amount wrong with their character.
近距离观察，每个人的性格都有缺点。
It’s not us – it’s the human condition.
这不是我们的问题--这是人类的状况。
The specifics vary hugely, of course; people are nightmarish in different ways.
当然，细节差异很大；人们在不同的方面都是噩梦。
But the basic point is to share.
但基本的一点是要分享。
Whatever we think or feel about ourselves, we will be revealed as sorely defective upon close-up, prolonged inspection.
无论我们对自己的想法或感觉如何，经过近距离、长时间的检查，我们都会被发现是严重缺陷。
Sadly, it’s not that our partner is being too critical or unusually demanding.
可悲的是，这并不是我们的伴侣过于挑剔或要求异常苛刻。
They are the bearer of an inevitable news--that we are a nightmare.
他们带来了一个不可避免的消息--我们是一场噩梦。
Being asked to acknowledge ones flaws isn't a request to admit somthing very strange.
被要求承认自己的缺陷并不是要求承认一些非常奇怪的事情。
What would be strange would be to think that one was without major defects.
真正奇怪的是，认为一个人没有重大缺陷。
Of course we have some delightfull qualities as well, but it does mean that we are unavoidably going to be very hard for another person to live around.
当然，我们也有一些令人愉快的品质，但这确实意味着我们将不可避免地很难让另一个人生活在我们身边。
We need therefore to ask ourselves in as candid a manner as as we can manage what specifically might be slightly crazey or desperate or undeveloped in our characters.
因此，我们需要以一种尽可能坦率的方式问自己，在我们的性格中可能有一些特别的疯狂、绝望或未开发的地方。
Maturity involves having quite a detailed answer to the following question, "How are you difficult to live with."
成熟需要对以下问题有一个相当详细的回答：“你是不是很难相处？”
A presumption of ones own innocence is at the heart of self rightousness and cruelty.
假定自己是无辜的，这是自以为是和残忍的核心。
Because our minds may go blank at this point and remember only our tender and beautiful sides, we can lean on a set of prompts .
因为在这一点上我们的大脑可能会一片空白，只记得我们温柔美丽的一面，所以我们可以依靠一系列的提示语言。
For example when I'm annoyed I have a tendency to...
例如，当我生气的时候，我有这样的倾向...
When I feel hurt I...
当我感到受伤的时候，我..
Around money I can be a bit difficult because...
在钱的问题上，我可能有点困难，因为...
I guess I worry really quite a lot about...
我想我真的很担心...
I suppose I might be a bit of a handful around sex because...
我想我在性爱方面可能有点难搞，因为...
The point of prompting greater awareness of our questionable patterns of behavour isn't to feel guilty or ashamed about them.
促使人们更多地意识到我们有问题的行为模式，并不是为了感到内疚或羞愧。
Just to see how easily they can be confusing, disturbing and annoying to another person.
只是想看看他们有多容易让另一个人感到困惑、不安和讨厌。
We need before we commit ourselves to a relationships to get fully aquainted with all the ways in which we are going to be a serious challange to live around.
在我们对一段关系做出承诺之前，我们需要完全了解我们将成为周围生活的一个严重挑战的方式。
