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It's an embarrassing confession, but for a certain group among us, it's fair to say that a great deal of our lives is spent asking essentially the same question, week after week, always with the same blend of frustration, despair and puzzlement: why am I so lonely?
这是一个令人尴尬的事实，对于我们中的一部分人来说，生活的大部分时间都在问本质上相同的问题，一周又一周，带着同样的沮丧、绝望和困惑问道：我为什么这么孤独?
Why, in other words, do I so often find myself at odds in social groups, why can't I more easily connect with people, why do I not have more friends worthy of the name?
换句话说，为什么我经常发现自己在社会群体中格格不入，为什么我不能更容易地与人建立联系，为什么我没有更多真正的朋友?
It's tempting to jump to the darkest conclusion: because I am awful, because there is something wrong with me, because I deserve to be hated.
我们很容易得出一个最黑暗的结论：因为我很糟糕，因为我有问题，因为我应该被恨。
But the real answer is likely to be far less punitive and in its way far more logical: we, the isolated members of the tribe, are lonely for a very firm and forgivable reason: because we are interested in introspection, and they - the others - for all their intelligence and wit and strength of mind, are not.
但真正的答案可能远没有那么糟糕，也更符合逻辑：我们这些无法融入群体的人之所以孤独，是因为一个非常坚定和可以原谅的原因：因为我们对内省感兴趣，而其他人尽管聪明、机智， 富有精神力量，却对内省不感兴趣。
They may have many hobbies and passions and lots to say about a host of things, but they are simply not interested in looking deeply inside themselves.
他们可能有很多爱好，热情四射，对很多事情都可以滔滔不绝，但就是不喜欢深入了解自己。
It is not their idea of fun to go into their childhoods, to trace the links between their emotions and their actions or to lie for a long time in a bath or a bed processing events in their interior lives.
在他们看来，回溯童年时代、追寻情感和行为之间的联系、长时间躺在浴缸或床上处理内心生活并算不上乐趣。
Introspection is not their thing.
内省不是他们喜欢做的事情。
They haven't told us this in so many words - and they never will; they don't even realize it perhaps.
他们从来没有长篇大论与我们探讨过内省，也永远不会这样做；他们甚至可能没有意识到自己对内省不感兴趣。
We simply have to surmise that this is the case on the basis of external evidence: that we never feel we have much to say to them, even though - objectively - there might be so much to share.
我们只需要根据外部证据推测出结论：我们从来没有觉得有很多话要对他们说，即使——客观地说——我们可能有很多东西想要与人分享。
It's the lack of introspection that explains why conversation with them so often gets stuck in odd places; discussing the price of train tickets or the best way to prepare muffins or what so and so from university (whom we never really knew or liked) is now doing.
正是因为缺乏自省，我们与他人的对话才会经常陷入奇怪的境地：讨论火车票的价格，或准备松饼的最佳方法，或大学里的某某人(我们都不认识这些人，也对这些人不感兴趣)。
It explains why when we try to nudge the conversation onto something more intimate and vulnerable, we seem somehow never to manage and end up in yet more rounds of discussion about the sports results or the new political scandal.
这就解释了为什么当我们试图将谈话转移到更亲密、更脆弱的话题上时，我们似乎永远无法处理好话题的度，最终还是会谈起其它体育比赛结果或新的政治丑闻。
They aren't necessarily cold, but it can certainly seem that way because they aren't interested in communicating what is really going on in their hearts.
他们并不一定冷漠，但看起来肯定是这样的，因为他们不喜欢交流自己内心的真实想法。
Sometimes we can be surprised when, out of the blue, they tell us that they consider us to be a close friend.
有时，他们会出乎意料地说把我们当作亲密的朋友，我们也会感到惊讶。
We should accept that most of our acquaintances - however much they might in theory want to be friendly - do not want to do so at the cost of looking inside their own minds.
我们应该接受这样一个事实：我们的大多数熟人——无论他们在理论上多么想表现得友好一点——不愿以审视自己的思想为代价来这么做。
And we for our part are lonely because we are operating with a notion of intimacy that is far less common than we torture ourselves by imagining.
对我们而言，我们之所以孤独，是因为我们在现实中建立的亲密关系远没有内省的程度要强。
We will be blessed if we meet just one or two people in a lifetime who want to play as we do.
如果我们一生中能遇到一两个像我们一样的人，就太幸运了。
The rest of the time we shouldn't compound our problems by feeling lonely that we're lonely.
其余的时候，我们不应该因为感到孤独而使问题复杂化。
It's painful but utterly understandable; our favorite pastime, however noble it might be, is a very unusual one indeed.
想要摆脱自己的胡思乱想很痛苦，但这件事其实也很好理解；我们最喜欢的消遣，不管它听起来有多高尚，实际上也只是一种非常不寻常的消遣而已。
