Jobs’s compulsive search for self-awareness also led him to undergo primal scream therapy, which had recently been developed and popularized by a Los Angeles psychotherapist named Arthur Janov. It was based on the Freudian theory that psychological problems are caused by the repressed pains of childhood; Janov argued that they could be resolved by re-suffering these primal moments while fully expressing the pain—sometimes in screams. To Jobs, this seemed preferable to talk therapy because it involved intuitive feeling and emotional action rather than just rational analyzing. “This was not something to think about,” he later said. “This was something to do: to close your eyes, hold your breath, jump in, and come out the other end more insightful.”

乔布斯对自我意识的疯狂追寻也导致他开始尝试原始尖叫疗法，这一疗法由洛杉矶的精神治疗医师亚瑟·亚诺夫（ArthurJanov）发明，当时刚刚开始流行。这一疗法基于弗洛伊德的理论：心理问题都是由受到压抑的儿童时期的痛苦造成的。亚诺夫认为这些问题可以通过再次经历那些痛苦时刻来治愈——通过尖叫来完整地发泄那份痛苦。在乔布斯看来，这一疗法比谈话疗法要好，因为这其中包含了直观的感受和情感上的活动，而不仅仅只是理性的分析。“这种疗法不需要你去思考，”他后来说，“而需要你去行闭上眼睛，屏住呼吸，全身心投入其中，这之后你就会获得更深刻的见解。”

A group of Janov’s adherents ran a program called the Oregon Feeling Center in an old hotel in Eugene that was managed by Jobs’s Reed College guru Robert Friedland, whose All One Farm commune was nearby. In late 1974, Jobs signed up for a twelve-week course of therapy there costing $1,000. “Steve and I were both into personal growth, so I wanted to go with him,” Kottke recounted, “but I couldn’t afford it.”

一群亚诺夫的信徒在尤金市的一座老旧酒店里经营着一家名为“俄勒閃感觉中心”的机构，而负责管理的正是乔布斯在里德学院的精神导师罗伯特·弗里德兰，他的团结农场就在附近。1974年底，乔布斯报名参加了那里一个为期12周的治疗，花费了1000美元。“史蒂夫和我都在追求个人成长，所以我想和他一起参加，”科特基说，“但是我没有那么多钱。”

Jobs confided to close friends that he was driven by the pain he was feeling about being put up for adoption and not knowing about his birth parents. “Steve had a very profound desire to know his physical parents so he could better know himself,” Friedland later said. He had learned from Paul and Clara Jobs that his birth parents had both been graduate students at a university and that his father might be Syrian. He had even thought about hiring a private investigator, but he decided not to do so for the time being. “I didn’t want to hurt my parents,” he recalled, referring to Paul and Clara.

乔布斯曾经向自己的密友透露过，他参加治疗是因为饱受童年痛苦：被领养并且对亲生父母毫无所知。“史蒂夫非常渴望了解自己的亲生父母，这样他就可以更好地认识自己。”弗里德兰后来说。乔布斯曾经从养父母那里听说过，自己的亲生父母都是大学毕业生，父亲可能是叙利亚人。他甚至曾经想要雇用一名私家侦探，但还是决定暂时不那么做。“我不想伤害我的父母。”他回忆说，这里指的是他的养父母。

“He was struggling with the fact that he had been adopted,” according to Elizabeth Holmes. “He felt that it was an issue that he needed to get hold of emotionally.” Jobs admitted as much to her. “This is something that is bothering me, and I need to focus on it,” he said. He was even more open with Greg Calhoun. “He was doing a lot of soul-searching about being adopted, and he talked about it with me a lot,” Calhoun recalled. “The primal scream and the mucusless diets, he was trying to cleanse himself and get deeper into his frustration about his birth. He told me he was deeply angry about the fact that he had been given up.”

“自己被领养这一事实让他很挣扎，”伊丽莎白·霍姆斯说，“他觉得这是自己在情感上需要控制的一个问题。”乔布斯承认了这些，他说：“这件事一直困扰着我，我要把精力集中在这上面。”他对格雷格·卡尔霍恩更加坦诚。“对于被领养一事，他作了很多自我剖析，也跟我说了很多，”卡尔霍恩说道，“原始尖叫疗法和非黏液饮食，都是他用来净化自己的方法，并希望借此来洞彻其身世带给他的沮丧。他告诉我，他的父母握弃了他，他感到非常偾怒。”

John Lennon had undergone the same primal scream therapy in 1970, and in December of that year he released the song “Mother” with the Plastic Ono Band. It dealt with Lennon’s own feelings about a father who had abandoned him and a mother who had been killed when he was a teenager. The refrain includes the haunting chant “Mama don’t go, Daddy come home.” Jobs used to play the song often.

约翰·列侬（JohnLernioii）在1970年也接受了同样的原始尖叫疗法，那年的12月，他和塑胶洋子乐队（PlasticOnoBand）发布了歌曲《妈妈》。这首歌描述的是列侬对于一个抛弃了自己的父亲以及一个在他少年时期就死去的母亲的感情。副歌部分有一段让人无法忘怀的旋律：“妈妈不要走，爸爸快回家……”霍姆斯记得乔布斯经常放这首歌。

Jobs later said that Janov’s teachings did not prove very useful. “He offered a ready-made, buttoned-down answer which turned out to be far too oversimplistic. It became obvious that it was not going to yield any great insight.” But Holmes contended that it made him more confident: “After he did it, he was in a different place. He had a very abrasive personality, but there was a peace about him for a while. His confidence improved and his feelings of inadequacy were reduced.”

乔布斯后来说，事实证明亚诺夫的方法并没有什么效果。“他提供的只是一个现成的、老套的解决方法，太过简单了。很明显，它不可能促成任何自我省悟。”但霍姆斯坚信，治疗让乔布斯变得更自信了。“他接受完治疗之后有了改变，”她说，“他原本性格是很粗暴的，但那段时间他很平静。他的自信心增强了，自卑感减弱了。”

Jobs came to believe that he could impart that feeling of confidence to others and thus push them to do things they hadn’t thought possible. Holmes had broken up with Kottke and joined a religious cult in San Francisco that expected her to sever ties with all past friends. But Jobs rejected that injunction. He arrived at the cult house in his Ford Ranchero one day and announced that he was driving up to Friedland’s apple farm and she was to come. Even more brazenly, he said she would have to drive part of the way, even though she didn’t know how to use the stick shift. “Once we got on the open road, he made me get behind the wheel, and he shifted the car until we got up to 55 miles per hour,” she recalled. “Then he puts on a tape of Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks, lays his head in my lap, and goes to sleep. He had the attitude that he could do anything, and therefore so can you. He put his life in my hands. So that made me do something I didn’t think I could do.”

乔布斯开始相信自己可以把自信心传递给其他人，推动他们去完成以前认为不可能的事情。霍姆斯与科特基分手后，加入了旧金山的一个邪教组织，该组织希望成员切断与过去所有朋友的联系。伹是乔布斯完全无视这条禁令，有一天，他开着自己的福特牧场主（FordRancheiro）客货两用车来到了邪教的大本营，他对霍姆斯说自己要开车去弗里德兰的苹果农场，她也必须一起去。更过分的是，他说她也得开上一段路，尽管她根本不会开手动挡的车。“我们到了开阔的路上之后，他让我坐在驾驶座上，他负责换挡，直到我们的时速达到每小时55英里，”她说，“然后他开始放迪伦的磁带《路上的血迹》（BloodontheTracks），把头枕在我的膝盖上，睡着了。他的态度就是他什么都会做，因此你也要什么都会。他把自己的性命交到了我手里，让我做到了以前我认为自己做不到的事情。”

It was the brighter side of what would become known as his reality distortion field. “If you trust him, you can do things,” Holmes said. “If he’s decided that something should happen, then he’s just going to make it happen.”

这就是日后成为他“现实扭曲力场”个人魅力的美好的一面。“如果你相信他，你就能做成事情，”霍姆斯说，“如果他认为某件事应该发生，那他就会尽力让它发生。”