Living in the house at times rekindled the physical relationship between Brennan and Jobs, and within a few months she was pregnant. “Steve and I were in and out of a relationship for five years before I got pregnant,” she said. “We didn’t know how to be together and we didn’t know how to be apart.” When Greg Calhoun hitchhiked from Colorado to visit them on Thanksgiving 1977, Brennan told him the news: “Steve and I got back together, and now I’m pregnant, but now we are on again and off again, and I don’t know what to do.”

同在一个屋檐下，克里斯安·布伦南和乔布斯有时候会欲火重燃。几个月后，她怀孕了。“在我怀孕前，史蒂夫和我的关系已经断断续续维持了5年，”她说，“我们不知道怎样在一起，也不知道怎样分开。”1977年的感恩节，格雷格·卡尔霍恩搭便车从科罗拉多州来拜访他们，布伦南把怀孕的事情告诉了他。她说：“之前史蒂夫和我复合了，现在我怀孕了，但我们的关系又开始时断时续，我不知道该怎么办。”

Calhoun noticed that Jobs was disconnected from the whole situation. He even tried to convince Calhoun to stay with them and come to work at Apple. “Steve was just not dealing with Chrisann or the pregnancy,” he recalled. “He could be very engaged with you in one moment, but then very disengaged. There was a side to him that was frighteningly cold.”

卡尔霍恩注意到，乔布斯对此毫不关心。他甚至还想劝说卡尔霍恩留下来和他们住在一起，然后去苹果公司工作。“史蒂夫根本不管克里斯安和她怀孕的事情，”他说，“他有时候会非常关心你，但之后又完全不管不顾。他的性格中有一面冷漠得吓人。”

When Jobs did not want to deal with a distraction, he sometimes just ignored it, as if he could will it out of existence. At times he was able to distort reality not just for others but even for himself. In the case of Brennan’s pregnancy, he simply shut it out of his mind. When confronted, he would deny that he knew he was the father, even though he admitted that he had been sleeping with her. “I wasn’t sure it was my kid, because I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one she was sleeping with,” he told me later. “She and I were not really even going out when she got pregnant. She just had a room in our house.” Brennan had no doubt that Jobs was the father. She had not been involved with Greg or any other men at the time.

当乔布斯不想被一件事情分散注意力的时候，他就会完全忽略它，就好像此事完全不存在一样。有时候，他不仅能对别人扭曲现实，甚至能对自己也扭曲现实。在布伦南怀孕这件事上，他就筒单地让自己置身事外。遭到质问的时候，他就说并不知道自己是孩子的父亲，尽管他承认自己和布伦南上过床。“我不确定那就是我的孩子，因为我确信，跟她上过床的不光我一个人，”他后来告诉我，“她怀孕的时候我们俩都不算是真正在交往。她不过是住在我们的房子里而已。”布伦南确定孩子就是乔布斯的。那段时期她没有跟格雷格或其他男人有过交集。

Was he lying to himself, or did he not know that he was the father? “I just think he couldn’t access that part of his brain or the idea of being responsible,” Kottke said. Elizabeth Holmes agreed: “He considered the option of parenthood and considered the option of not being a parent, and he decided to believe the latter. He had other plans for his life.”

他是在欺骗自己呢，还是真的不知道自己就是孩子的父亲？“我认为他就是不想去想这事儿或承担责任。”科特基猜测。伊丽莎白·霍姆斯同意这一说法。“他考虑过到底要不要承担起一个父亲的责任，但最终还是决定放弃。他对人生有其他规划。”

There was no discussion of marriage. “I knew that she was not the person I wanted to marry, and we would never be happy, and it wouldn’t last long,” Jobs later said. “I was all in favor of her getting an abortion, but she didn’t know what to do. She thought about it repeatedly and decided not to, or I don’t know that she ever really decided—I think time just decided for her.” Brennan told me that it was her choice to have the baby: “He said he was fine with an abortion but never pushed for it.” Interestingly, given his own background, he was adamantly against one option. “He strongly discouraged me putting the child up for adoption,” she said.

结婚自然更不用考虑。“我知道她不是我想娶的那个人，我们在一起不会快乐，婚姻也不会维系太久，”乔布斯后来说，“我希望她能把孩子拿掉，但她有些不知所措。她反复思考之后，打算留下孩子，其实我也不知道她的决定到底是怎样的——我想是时间替她作出了决定吧。”布伦南告诉我，留下孩子是她自己的选择：“他说他赞成堕胎，但并没有逼迫我。”有趣的是，鉴于自己的身世，乔布斯却坚决反对一种做法，布伦南说：“他强烈阻止我把孩子送人领养。”

There was a disturbing irony. Jobs and Brennan were both twenty-three, the same age that Joanne Schieble and Abdulfattah Jandali had been when they had Jobs. He had not yet tracked down his biological parents, but his adoptive parents had told him some of their tale. “I didn’t know then about this coincidence of our ages, so it didn’t affect my discussions with Chrisann,” he later said. He dismissed the notion that he was somehow following his biological father’s pattern of getting his girlfriend pregnant when he was twenty-three, but he did admit that the ironic resonance gave him pause. “When I did find out that he was twenty-three when he got Joanne pregnant with me, I thought, whoa!”

还有一个很讽剌的巧合。乔布斯和布伦南当时都是23岁，而乔安妮·席贝尔和阿卜杜勒法塔赫·钱德里也是在23岁这年有了乔布斯。乔布斯还没有找自己的亲生父母，但他已经从养父母那里知道了一些情况。“那时候我并不知道年龄上的巧合，所以它没有影响到我和克里斯安对此事的讨论。”他后来说。他否认自己沿袭了生父在23岁那年逃避现实和责任的行事风格，但也承认这个颇为讽刺的巧合让他十分震惊。“当我发现乔安妮也是23岁怀上我的时候，我想——天哪！”