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Imagine this: you're on the phone with a friend, they've made you angry
想想一下：你和一个朋友在讲电话，他们惹你生气了
and in your fight you told them that you want to be left alone for a bit.
你告诉他们让你自己静一静。
You say they aren't allowed to come to your house until further notice
除非另行通知，否则你不希望他们来找你
and that's when the dam breaks, they tell you that if you don't let them come over, they'll drive their car over a cliff.
然后事情就大爆发了，他们说如果你不让他们过来，他们就开车跳崖。
You don't want to be the reason they'd do something like that so you agree to allow them to come over.
你不希望成为他们这么做的理由，所以你同意他们过来。
The scenario above is an example of emotional blackmail and is in fact a form of abuse.
以上这个场景就是情绪勒索的一个例子，事实上这就是一种虐待。
At Psych2go, we hope to bring like to a form of emotional abuse many don't even know exists.
在这里我们希望给大家讲讲一种很多人都不知道的情感虐待形式。
If you notice similarities to the above scenario or any of the points in this video
如果你有上述情景中或本视频中提到的任何相似情况，
please speak with a licensed mental health professional.
请联系持执照的心理健康专业人士。
Here are four ways to tell what emotional blackmail is.
以下四种方式，告诉你什么是情绪勒索。
1. Understanding what emotional blackmail really is.
1. 了解情绪勒索是什么。
Emotional blackmail as described by Susan Forward Ph.D. in her book Emotional Blackmail
Susan Forward在她的作品《Emotional Blackmail》中这样描述情绪勒索—
when people in your life use fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate you.
有人利用恐惧、责任和内疚操控你。
Emotional blackmail is a tactic used by abusers to threaten you to get what they want.
情绪勒索是施虐者使用的一种技巧以威胁你从而得到自己想要的。
The point is to make you feel fear, obligation or guilt or F.O.G so they can have things go their way.
关键是让你恐惧，让你觉得有责任或内疚（F.O.G），这样他们就能随心所欲。
This may be something as simple as throwing a fit or going as far as threatening to go back to drug use
如果他们不能看到某人或去他们想去的地方，一般他们会大发脾气，
if they can't see someone or be somewhere they want to be.
严重一点的会威胁说要继续吸毒。
The whole point is to refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and instead, blame others for their bad decisions.
整个关键是拒绝为自己的行为承担责任，相反还会指责别人做了错误决定。
2. Knowing what constitutes an emotional hostage situation.
2. 了解是什么组成了这种情绪人质情景。
By the definition above, it could be easy to assume that all children take their parents hostage emotionally.
通过上述定义，很容易认为所有小孩子都在情感上把他们的父母当成了人质。
In our Skip Johnson's article Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt,
在Skip Johnson的文章《Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt》中，
Johnson points out that using the term blackmail means that there is forethought from the individual.
Johnson指出使用勒索一词意味着这个人是有预谋的。
A child throwing a tantrum in the store to get a toy isn't necessarily emotional blackmail
孩子在商店里发脾气只为得到一个玩具并不一定是情绪勒索
as they are merely subject-driven and have no concept of the manipulation factor.
因为他们只是受主体驱动，并没有操纵因素这个概念。
A teenager exploding emotionally over not being able to borrow the car
因为借不到车而情绪爆发的青少年
then running off to their room with a knife is an emotional hostage situation.
拿着刀跑回他们的房间就是一种情绪人质情景。
They want to get something and will make it appear that they will injure themselves to get it.
他们想要得到一些东西，就会让我们认为他们为了得到这些东西会伤害自己。
3. Know where your emotional boundaries are.
3. 知道自己的情绪界限在哪。
By knowing where your emotional boundaries are, you will be able to tell when someone over steps them.
通过了解自己的情绪界限，你能够在别人越界的时候告诉他们。
In the early stages of this form of abuse, you might not even register that something's wrong,
在这种虐待的早期阶段，你甚至没有意识到有什么不对劲，
you may just assume that the other person gets carried away at times.
你可能只是认为对方有时会失去理智。
As time goes on, you might start to feel like the other person places you between a rock and a hard place.
随着时间的推移，你可能会开始觉得对方把你置于一个进退两难的境地。
Either option you have is a bad one but you tend to favor those that are the lesser of the two evils.
每个选项都很糟糕，但你倾向于两害相权取其轻。
This is emotional manipulation at its finest. What you want isn't important,
这是最佳的情绪操控。你想要什么不重要，
it's about what the other person can do to elicit the emotional response that they want.
重要的是对方能够做什么来引诱出他们想要的情绪反应。
4. You are where their feelings lie.
4. 你是他们情感所在。
Someone who holds you hostage emotionally will hold you accountable for their feelings.
在情感上要挟你的人将让你为他们的情感负责。
This may take the form of a significant other, stating that a breakup from you would cause them to commit suicide.
这可能以另一种主要形式出现，他们称你提分手，他们就自杀。
You might see this as them being so in love with you that they would rather die without you.
你可能以为他们这么做是因为很爱你，没了你，他们宁愿死。
That isn't the case. They are manipulating you to get what they want.
并不是这样的。他们是在操纵你好得到他们想要的。
The point is to hold you accountable for the feeling of sadness that would follow a breakup.
关键是要让你对这种分手后的悲伤之感负责。
They may be feeling anxious about the relationship
他们或许对这段关系感到焦虑
but instead of facing those fears head-on they force you to carry them.
但他们没有去面对前方的恐惧，而是强迫你去承受它们。
Understanding what being held hostage emotionally
了解什么是情感上的人质
and emotional blackmail really means is a great start.
以及情绪勒索意味着一个好的开始。
But remember just because someone makes you feel guilty for something
但要记住，有人因某事让你感到内疚
doesn't necessarily mean they are manipulating you.
并不一定意味着他们是在操控你。
It all has to do with the present situation and past experiences.
这一切都和现在的情况以及之前的经历有关。
Have you been in a situation of emotional blackmail before?
你之前有遇到过情绪勒索的情况吗？
If you'd like please share your story with us in the comments below. Also if you thought this video was helpful,
如果可以，请在下方和我们分享你的故事。还有如果你觉得本期视频有帮助，
please give this video a like and don't forget to subscribe for more content. Thanks for watching.
请点赞，不要忘记订阅获取更多内容。感谢收看。
