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Nine years after the Christmas dance, I was 25 years old, and headed straight for a nervous breakdown.
圣诞舞会过去9年后，我25岁，并且将要经历一场精神崩溃。
My self-worth was buried under a soul-crushing load of silence that isolated me from everyone that I cared about,
我的自我价值，被埋葬在让灵魂不堪重负的寂静之中，它把我和我关心的人们隔离开，
and I was consumed with misplaced hatred and anger that I took out on myself.
我错误地对自己发泄的怨恨和愤怒，将我消耗殆尽。
One day, I stormed out of the door in tears after a fight with a loved one,
一天，和一位我爱的人发生争执之后，我哭着冲出门去，
and I wandered into a café, where I asked the waitress for a pen.
我走进一家咖啡店，找女服务生要了一支笔。
I always had a notebook with me, claiming that it was to jot down ideas in moments of inspiration,
我总是带着一个笔记本电脑，声称是为了捕捉一些灵感的瞬间，
but the truth was that I needed to be constantly fidgeting,
但事实上，是因为我需要随着都做点什么，
because in moments of stillness, I found myself counting seconds again.
因为在安静下来的时候，我发现我又会开始数秒数。
But that day, I watched in wonder as the words streamed out of my pen, forming the most pivotal letter I've ever written, addressed to Tom.
但那天，我惊讶地发现，我写下了给Tom的信中最关键的一封。
Along with an account of the violence that he subjected me to, the words,
在信中，除了描述他曾让我遭受的暴力，我还写下，
"I want to find forgiveness" stared back at me, surprising nobody more than myself.
“我希望能够宽恕”，这句话像是盯着我，我比任何人都感到惊讶。
But deep down I realized that this was my way out of my suffering,
但内心深处，我意识到这能够让我从痛苦中解脱，
because regardless of whether or not he deserved my forgiveness, I deserved peace. My era of shame was over.
因为无论他是否值得得到我的宽恕，我值得获得平静。我这个充满羞耻的时期已经过去。
