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Your fears are right: you probably won’t ever find the right person.
你的担心是对的: 你可能永远都找不到那个对的人。
It seems harsh to say it just now but the right partner for you doesn’t really exist: there are just different varieties and degrees of wrongness.
现在这么说似乎有点刻薄，但完全适合的伴侣并不存在:只是不合适的方面和程度不同。
It’s not your fault or theirs.
这不是你或他们的错。
Anyone, however lovely they seem at first, will turn out to be maddening, difficult and deeply disappointing in a few – but to you very important – ways.
任何一个人，不管他们一开始看起来多么可爱，最终都会在对你来说是非常重要的方面——表现得令人恼火、难对付、让人深深的失望。
You are carrying the burden of Romanticism and are suffering from it gravely.
你背负着浪漫主义的重担，正遭受着严重的痛苦。
You have been made sick by the beguiling – but fatally oppressive – fantasy that there’s a specific person you are meant to be with who will end the longing, who will be your soul-mate, sexual companion, chauffeur, housekeeper, co-parent, business partner and best friend.
幻想有一个特定的人，你命中注定的伴侣，会结束你的渴望，他会是你的灵魂伴侣、性伴侣、司机、管家、共同父母、商业伙伴和最好的朋友，你已经被这种欺骗(致命的压迫)的幻想搞得恶心。
You see them so clearly in your mind.
你能在脑海中清晰地看到他们。
That’s because you made them up. But they don’t, in fact, exist.
那是因为这是你编的。但事实上，他们并不存在。
Advertising, films and music have done their utmost to convey to us that people do eventually, after a little heartache, find their ideal other, their long-lost twin.
广告、电影和音乐尽其所能地告诉我们，人们最终会在经历一些心痛之后，找到他们理想的另一半，他们失散已久的双胞胎。
It’s a very powerful idea to lean on when you’re trying to sell a stranger a concert or movie ticket.
当你试图向陌生人推销音乐会或电影票时，这是一个非常强大的想法。
But it isn’t true.
但这并不真实。
The number of people around the world who are profoundly emotionally, sexually, practically and intellectually happy with a partner, for more than a brief period, is tiny.
世界上与伴侣能在情感、性、实践和理智方面都能感到满意的人，即使是在短时间内，这样的人都很少。
These lucky souls could, if gathered, comfortably fit on a small island in the Maldives.
这些幸运的人，如果聚集在一起，可以舒适地生活在马尔代夫的一个小岛上。
You’re unlikely to be among them – and won’t win the lottery either.
你不太可能是他们中的一员——也不会中彩票。
This doesn’t have to be the end.
我们不必就此结束。
There’s a more mature idea of love around that stresses how invariably compromised all good relationships are.
现在有一种更成熟的关于爱的观念，强调所有良好的关系总是因为妥协。
Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.
匹配是爱情的成就; 而不应该是前提条件。
We manage to live wisely and comfortably around one another when we stop insisting that our partners must constantly share all of our tastes, interests and opinions.
当我们不再坚持我们的伴侣必须不断和我们拥有相同的品味、兴趣和意见时，我们就能明智地、舒适地生活在彼此身边。
It is more than normal to be really quite lonely in large parts of our emotional lives.
在我们情感生活的大部分时间里，感到孤独是非常正常的。
An important factor – behind almost any decent relationship – is the capacity of each partner to manage cheerfully on their own.
几乎任何一段体面的关系背后的一个重要因素是，双方都有能力自己愉快地管理自己的时间。
Relationships don’t solve the problem of loneliness for very long.
亲密关系并不能长久地解决孤独问题。
It’s easy to lament how awful other possible partners are.
人们很容易感叹其他可能的伴侣是多么糟糕。
But reflect on the ways you are difficult to live with too.
但也要反思一下你为什么很难相处。
You must be to a significant degree – not because you are unusually freakish, but because everyone carries with them a range of flaws and failings that show up, horribly, on close inspection.
你一定在很大程度上是这样的——不是因为你与众不同，而是因为每个人都有一系列的缺点和弱点，仔细观察就会可怕地暴露出来。
You will to a significant extent be ruining the life of anyone you get together with long-term.
你会在很大程度上毁掉和你长期在一起的人的生活。
Stop looking for a perfect partner and start looking for that far nicer and more enticing prospect: a good enough one.
停止寻找一个完美的伴侣，开始寻找那个更美好、更诱人的可能伴侣：一个足够好的。
The fact that no-one will be ideal doesn’t mean that another person will have nothing to offer.
没有人是最佳的伴侣，这并不意味着另一个人什么都提供不了。
It’s just that what we need from them will arrive wrapped up in a lot of things we don’t need and don’t want.
只是我们需要从他们那里得到的东西会被包裹在很多我们不需要也不想要的东西里。
Hopefully, the long painful single period hasn’t just been wasted time.
希望漫长而痛苦的单身期不是在浪费时间。
It’s been a training ground for the true spirit of compromise and gratitude that lasting love demands.
这是长久的爱情所要求的妥协与感恩的训练场。
