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Long before scientists confirmed the differences between men's and women's brains, many people sensed the vast chasm between the two sexes' mental workings. Men and women's brains differ in shape and function, causing them to act and react differently from one another. While some argue that the differences between male and female behavior stems from nothing more than social conditioning, it makes much more sense to accept the differences and learn to deal with them.
In fact, husbands and wives who accept the differences between themselves and their spouses enjoy much more satisfaction in their relationships. They don't have to deal with the frustration and unhappiness that result from frequent misunderstandings. Here are a few differences you can expect from your spouse and tips on working with them:
Women's Emotional Centers are More Active than Men's
Enhanced left/right brain communication and hormonal fluctuations, as well as a more active emotional center, make emotions a much more important part of women's lives. Women understand and deal with emotions differently than men. Emotional connections, such as sympathy and mutual understanding, are important to women.
Advice for Husbands
Don't feel guilty about your wife's emotional outbursts. When your wife is struggling, the best thing to do is to try to console her with a hug or other expression of love, or by letting her talk, but be careful not to let your wife draw you in to her negative emotions. Keeping a positive perspective can help her stabilize her emotions.
When you are dealing with emotions, your wife may think you need to talk them out like she does. Be honest about your need for some quiet time to think things through. She'll get used to leaving you alone if you explain your needs to her.
Advice for Wives
Strong emotions lead to irrational thoughts. Try to keep things in perspective and accept the ways your husband tries to console you, even if he isn't providing the sympathy that you want. (Call your mom or girlfriends for that.) Don't use your hormonal fluctuations as an excuse to throw temper tantrums or abuse others. You can keep reasonable control of your emotions with a little practice.
When your husband is upset, give him time to think things through. Let him approach you if he wants to talk about what's wrong. He'll be much more likely to work things out this way.
Advice for Both Spouses
Instead of reacting to your spouse's emotional outbursts with anger, be more understanding and loving. Insisting on an eye for an eye will leave everyone hurt and just make the problem worse. If you react to an angry outburst by looking for ways to make your spouse's day a little easier, you will not only insulate yourself from hurt, but you will also shorten your spouse's distress.
Men's Sexual Centers are Much More Active than Women's
Intercourse is a totally different experience for men and women. Besides the obvious physical differences, men and women also have sentimental differences in their love-making. Men are much more "right-brained" than women, making spatial relations and visual information much more important to them. Women are more concerned with an emotional connection to their husbands. Different things will stimulate and satisfy women and men.
Advice for Husbands
Actively seek to reign in your impulses when it comes to other women. If you allow yourself to fantasize about other women, your relationship with your wife will suffer.
Men tend to express their love for their wives through sex. However, your wife may feel like nothing more than a power tool if you limit your expression of love to her to nothing more than groping and intercourse. Make an effort to slow things down and make sex an enjoyable experience for both of you. Find out what makes your wife feel loved (like notes, flowers, poems, etc.) and use those things to express your love for her. Women who feel a strong emotional connection with their husbands are much more open in the bedroom.
Advice for Wives
Interpret your husband's desire for you for what it is-an expression of love. Don't assume that he views you as nothing more than an object for him to use. If you feel that way, you need to discuss the situation with your husband and make sure your needs are being met. Give in once in a while when you're too tired or too preoccupied.
Don't be afraid to express your desires. Doing so will enhance the experience for both of you and you'll find it much easier to connect with your husband emotionally when you are both satisfied sexually.
Advice for Both Spouses
Men and women both have a much better experience when they seek to please each other instead of themselves. This means the wife may need to take an aspirin now and then and the husband may need to slow things down. You'll both find that sex is much more satisfying when you gain as much pleasure from satisfying your spouse as you do from your own physical pleasure.
Women are Broad-Minded
Women's senses are more sensitive, they notice more details, and they deal with a lot of small details better than men. Have you ever seen a tableful of women all talking at once? It's because they really can both listen and talk at the same time, within reason.
Advice for Men
Don't assume your wife is a wimp because she's upset over small cuts or bruises. She's probably feeling the pain more than you would. You should also trust your wife's judgment in situations where you need to take in a lot of information fast. Your wife will be able to notice signs and social cues better than you can.
Advice for Women
Don't assume that your husband has noticed all the things you have or that he has heard everything you have. Help him by pointing out details he might have missed but needs to know. But don't overload him with things he doesn't need to know. You should also be patient with your husband when he's performing tasks that require sorting through details. He won't find things as easily as you or know where all the dishes go in the cupboard.
Your husband will also probably not be interested in the dozens of things you want to tell him. Don't take this as disinterest in you personally. This is another time when moms and girlfriends are helpful. Your husband won't care about the sale at the shoe store, but your friend will, so share it with her. Be willing to limit the number of things you share with your husband to the most important.
Men are Narrow-Minded
Men have the ability to focus solely on one thing, where women's minds will jump around even in serious situations. They will want to keep working on a project until they are done with it.
Advice for Men
Don't assume your wife is as excited or focused on a project as you are. She will probably want to stop and eat before it's done, especially if the kids are hungry. Be patient if your wife interrupts you when you are focused on something. Explain to her that you will discuss other matters later when you can give more attention to them.
Advice for Women
Reign in your desire to branch out to other subjects when your husband is thinking deeply about something. Give him adequate time to think through one subject before bringing another up. You may also need to gently remind him of something (like the exit he's supposed to take) when he's thinking of something else. Don't interpret his focus as a sign of diminished capacity. Being able to start, work through, and finish a project is a skill many women find difficult.
Advice for Both Spouses
These differences in details and the focus men and women have, can make you an effective team. If you learn to capitalize on each others' abilities you will find that jobs you do together get done faster and better than they would if only one of you did it. This can make both your lives easier.
There are dozens of additional differences between men and women. The main idea is to recognize that differences exist and change your expectations of your spouse. Men and women are made for each other. You can have a satisfying relationship when you work together. Don't judge your spouse by your standards and don't try to get them to change to suit your ideas. You will find that your spouse is really more competent and helpful than you thought when you look at them with an open mind. A good dose of mutual appreciation and acceptance can heal any wound in a relationship.
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