After a recent online shopping spree, Mi took photos of some of her most satisfying purchases and uploaded them to a lifestyle forum on Tianya.cn. The 25-year-old hadn’t expected it would be the beginning of a nightmare.

The comments Mi received were mean. “You call this fashion? How old are you? 50?”, read one entry. Another accused Mi of advertising for these clothes: “Get out of here with your ugly goods! Don’t waste people’s time!” Yet another comment questioned Mi’s financial situation, saying the clothes looked cheap but that even poor people should have a better fashion sense.

“I just wanted to share my online shopping experience,” said a deeply mortified Mi, who deleted her photos from the website the next day. “But now I’ve lost confidence in my image. None of my friends told me before that I dressed in bad taste. Why are people so nasty online?”

Why? We used to think that people are rude online because hiding behind anonymity, we feel like we can get away with anything. But since the rise of social networking sites, we are not as anonymous as we used to be.

Still, rudeness prevails. Sina’s Weibo, for example, requires users to register with their real identity, yet people do not shy away from using harsh words whenever they disagree with each other. It is worse with pundits and so-called “public intellectuals”, some of who might even resort to personal attacks. Politeness and good manners do not get you noticed on micro blogs, opinionated and provocative words will.

Losing self-control

Scientists and researchers have tried to find out why we misbehave when using social networking sites. According to a Wall Street Journal article, recent research suggests that browsing social networking sites lowers our self-control.

This is because most of us present an enhanced image of ourselves on Facebook or Weibo. This positive image–and the encouragement we derive from positive comments–boosts our self-esteem.

But when we have an inflated sense of self, we tend to show poor self-control. It’s a bit like drinking: alcohol might make us feel good, but too much booze impairs our judgment and makes us lose our self-control.

Keith Wilcox, assistant professor of marketing at Columbia Business School and co-author of the study, explains: “You feel good about yourself so you feel a sense of entitlement. And you want to protect that enhanced view, which might be why people are lashing out so strongly at others who don’t share their opinions.”

We’re also less inhibited online because we don’t have to see the reaction of the person we’re addressing. Many people forget that they’re speaking out loud when they communicate online, especially when posting from a smartphone. “You are publishing but you don’t feel like you are,” says Sherry Turkle, professor of social studies of science and technology at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, US. “So what if you say ‘I hate you’ on this tiny little thing? It’s like a toy. It doesn’t feel consequential,” she told The Wall Street Journal in an interview.

Many social networking sites promise us a place where we are going to make friends. “If you get something hurtful there, you’re not prepared. You feel doubly affronted, so you strike back,” Turkle says. Thus starts the vicious circle.