“Alright,” said Ford, “let’s see how you are doing.” He plonked himself down on the ground to see how long he could keep his temper.
The Captain made a sort of conciliatory harrumphing noise.
“I would like to call to order,” he said pleasantly, “the five hundred and seventy-third meeting of the colonization committee of Fintlewoodlewix…”
Ten seconds, thought Ford as he leapt to his feet again.
“This is futile,” he exclaimed, “five hundred and seventy-three committee meetings and you haven’t even discovered fire yet!”
“If you would care,” said the girl with the strident voice, “to examine the agenda sheet…”
“Agenda rock,” trilled the hairdresser happily.
“Thank you, I’ve made that point,” muttered Ford.
“… you… will… see…” continued the girl firmly, “that we are having a report from the hairdressers’ Fire Development Sub-Committee today.”
“Oh… ah –“ said the hairdresser with a sheepish look which is recognized the whole Galaxy over as meaning “Er, will next Tuesday do?”
“Alright,” said Ford, rounding on him, “what have you done? What are you going to do? What are your thoughts on fire development?”
“Well I don’t know,” said the hairdresser, “All they gave me was a couple of sticks…”
“So what have you done with them?”
Nervously, the hairdresser fished in his track suit top and handed over the fruits of his labour to Ford.
Ford held them up for all to see.
“Curling tongs,” he said.
The crowd applauded.
“Never mind,” said Ford, “Rome wasn’t burnt in a day.”
The crowd hadn’t the faintest idea what he was talking about, but they loved it nevertheless. They applauded.
“Well, you’re obviously being totally naive of course,” said the girl, “When you’ve been in marketing as long as I have you’ll know that before any new product can be developed it has to be properly researched. We’ve got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.”
The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.
“Stick it up your nose,” he said.
“Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,” insisted the girl, “Do people want fire that can be applied nasally?”
“Do you?” Ford asked the crowd.
“Yes!” shouted some.