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I'm an astronomer who builds telescopes.
我是一名专攻望远镜的天文学家。
I build telescopes because, number one, they are awesome.
我之所以建造望远镜，原因之一是因为它们很棒。
But number two, I believe if you want to discover a new thing about the universe,
但原因之二，我相信如果你想探索宇宙的新奥秘，
you have to look at the universe in a new way.
你必须从一个新的角度观察宇宙。
New technologies in astronomy -- things like lenses, photographic plates, all the way up to space telescopes
在天文界新的科技--例如镜头、照相底板，所有这些组成的天文望远镜，
each gave us new ways to see the universe and directly led to a new understanding of our place in it.
每一个都让我们能够从新的角度来观察宇宙，并且让我们重新思考我们在宇宙中的位置。
But those discoveries come with a cost.
但这些发现需要代价。
It took thousands of people and 44 years to get the Hubble Space Telescope from an idea into orbit.
数千人努力了44年才真正建造出了哈勃望远镜。
It takes time, it takes a tolerance for failure, it takes individual people choosing every day not to give up.
这需要时间，需要经历失败，需要每个人每天都坚持不放弃。
I know how hard that choice is because I live it.
我知道这样的坚持有多难，因为我经历过。
The reality of my job is that I fail almost all the time and still keep going, because that's how telescopes get built.
我工作的现实是，我几乎每次都失败，但依然坚持尝试，因为这就是望远镜的诞生之路。
The telescope I helped build is called the faint intergalactic-medium red-shifted emission balloon,
我努力建造的望远镜叫作小型星系际红移排放气球，
which is a mouthful, so we call it "FIREBall."
这很拗口，所以我们叫它“火球”。
And don't worry, it is not going to explode at the end of this story.
不要担心，它最后不会爆炸。
I've been working on FIREBall for more than 10 years and now lead the team of incredible people who built it.
我从事火球的开发研究已经有10多年了，现在手下有一支出色的建造团队。
FIREBall is designed to observe some of the faintest structures known: huge clouds of hydrogen gas.
火球的任务是观测一些非常模糊的结构：巨型氢气云层。
These clouds are giant. They are even bigger than whatever you're thinking of.
这些云的体积之庞大，超出你们的想象。
They are huge, huge clouds of hydrogen that we think flow into and out of galaxies.
它们是由氢气组成的巨型云层，我们认为它们会在星系间浮动进出。
I work on FIREBall because what I really want is to take our view of the universe
我研发火球，因为我非常希望我们对宇宙的认识
from one with just light from stars to one where we can see and measure every atom that exists.
从几颗星星上的亮光进化到可以测量每一个存在的原子。
That's all that I want to do.
这就是所有我想做的事。
But observing at least some of those atoms is crucial to our understanding of why galaxies look the way they do.
但测量一部分原子能对我们理解星系样貌有至关重要的作用。
I want to know how that hydrogen gas gets into a galaxy and creates a star.
我想知道氢气是如何进入星系进而创造一个恒星的。
My work on FIREBall started in 2008, working not on the telescope but on the light sensor, which is the heart of any telescope.
我对于火球的研究始于2008年，研究的并非是望远镜，还有而是光敏元件，这是所有望远镜的核心。
This new sensor was being developed by a team that I joined at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory.
这个新元件的发明者是我在美国国家航空航天局喷气式飞机推进实验室加入的小组。
And our goal was to prove that this sensor would work really well to detect that hydrogen gas.
我们的目标是证明这个元件能够完美完成任务，检测到氢气。
In my work on this, I destroyed several very, very, very expensive sensors
在我工作的时候，我弄坏了几件非常非常昂贵的元件，
before realizing that the machine I was using created a plasma that shorted out anything electrical that we put in it.
然后才意识到我使用的机器会产生一种等离子体，这会破坏我们放进去的所有电子设备。
We used a different machine, there were other challenges, and it took years to get it right.
我们换了一台机器，还有其他挑战，花了好几年才走上正轨。
But when that first sensor worked, it was glorious.
但当第一个元件起作用的时候，我非常有荣誉感。
And our sensors are now 10 times better than the previous state of the art and are getting put into all kinds of new telescopes.
我们的元件比之前的最新科技好上10倍，现在被用于所有新款望远镜中。
Our sensors will give us a new way to see the universe and our place in it.
我们的元件可以让我们从新的角度认识宇宙和我们的位置。
So, sensors done, time to build a telescope.
解决了元件之后，是时候造望远镜了。
And FIREBall is weird as far as telescopes go, because it's not in space, and it's not on the ground.
作为一个望远镜，火球显得很奇怪，因为它既不在太空，也不在地面上。
Instead, it hangs on a cable from a giant balloon
相反，它悬挂在一个巨型气球的电缆上，
and observes for one night only from 130,000 feet in the stratosphere, at the very edge of space.
在平流层13万英尺的高度上仅仅观察一个晚上，在宇宙的边缘。
This is partly because the edge of space is much cheaper than actual space.
这么做的原因之一是宇宙边缘比真正的宇宙便宜多了。
So building it, of course, more failures: mirrors that failed, scratched mirrors that had to be remade;
那么建造，当然会有更多失败：反射镜失效了，镜面磨损了需要重做；
cooling system failures, an entire system that had to be remade;
冷却系统失效了，整个系统需要重做；
calibration failures, we ran tests again and again and again and again; failures when you literally least expect them:
校准失效了，我们一次又一次地重新测试；还有你最想不到的失败：
we had an adorable but super angry baby falcon that landed on our spectrograph tank one day.
有一支可爱但非常暴躁的幼年鹰隼降落在我们的光谱仪上，占据了我们一天的时间。
Although to be fair, this was the greatest day in the history of this project.
尽管公平来讲，这是这个项目历史上最棒的一天。
I really loved that falcon.
我真的很喜欢那只鹰隼。
But falcon damage fixed, we got it built for an August 2017 launch attempt -- and then failed to launch,
在修复了它造成的破坏后，在2017年8月我们尝试发射--然后失败了，
due to six weeks of continuous rain in the New Mexico desert.
因为新墨西哥州沙漠时长六周的连续降雨。
Our spirits dampened, we showed up again, August 2018, year 10.
我们心情沮丧，收拾心情再努力，2018年8月，项目工作进入第10年。
And on the morning of September 22nd, we finally got the telescope launched.
然后在9月22日的早晨，我们终于成功发射了望远镜。
I have put so much of myself -- my whole life -- into this project, and I, like, still can't believe that that happened.
我为了这个项目付出了许多--我整个生命，我现在依然不敢相信接下来发生的事。
And I have this picture that's taken right around sunset on that day of our balloon,
我拍下了我们气球升空的照片，正好是快要日落的时候，
FIREBall hanging from it, and the nearly full moon. And I love this picture. God, I love it.
火球悬挂在气球上，旁边是一个满月。我爱这张照片。天哪，我爱死它了。
But I look at it, and it makes me want to cry,
但认真看这张照片，它让我有一种想哭的冲动，
because when fully inflated, these balloons are spherical, and this one isn't.
因为当完全充气膨胀时，这些气球应该是球型的，但这个气球不是。
It's shaped like a teardrop. And that's because there is a hole in it. Sometimes balloons fail, too.
它看起来像一滴眼泪。这是因为它上面有一个洞。有时候气球也会失败。
FIREBall crash-landed in the New Mexico desert, and we didn't get the data that we wanted.
火球坠落在新墨西哥的沙漠，我们甚至没能收集到想要的数据。
And at the end of that day, I thought to myself, "Why am I doing this?"
那一天结束的时候，我对自己说：“我为什么要做这个？”
And I've thought a lot about why since that day.
自那天起我思考了很多。
And I've realized that all of my work has been full of things that break and fail,
我意识到我所有的工作都是破坏和失败，
that we don't understand and they fail, that we just get wrong the first time, and so they fail.
我们搞不懂，它们失败了，我们可能第一次就弄错了，所以它们失败了。
I think about the thousands of people who built Hubble and how many failures they endured.
我想到建造哈勃的数千人，以及他们所经历过的失败。
There were countless failures, heartbreaking failures, even when it was in space.
有数不尽的失败，心碎的失败，甚至在太空中都可能失败。
And none of those failures were a reason for them to give up.
但任何一次失败都没能让他们放弃。
I think about why I love my job. I want to know what is happening in the universe.
我思考为什么我爱我的工作。我想知道宇宙中发生了什么。
You all want to know what's happening in the universe, too.
你们也都想知道宇宙中发生了什么。
I want to know what's going on with that hydrogen.
我想知道氢气怎么样了。
And so I've realized that discovery is mostly a process of finding things that don't work,
这样，我意识到发现几乎是一个寻求失败的过程，
and failure is inevitable when you're pushing the limits of knowledge. And that's what I want to do.
而当你想要突破先有知识的极限时，失败是不可避免的。这就是为什么我想这么做。
So I'm choosing to keep going.
所以我选择了继续下去。
And our team is going to do what everyone who has ever built anything before us has done: we're going to try again, in 2020.
我们的团队准备遵照那些已经成功的前人的路：我们要再尝试一次，在2020年。
And it might feel like a failure today -- and it really does
尽管今天看起来像是一次失败--的确是一次失败，
but it's only going to stay a failure if I give up. Thank you very much.
但如果我放弃了，这将永远保持失败。非常感谢。
