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Well, a lot of people haven’t extinguished that, it was a surprisingly common regret among college graduates, Alison, to the point where, and this is where your listeners can step in.
很多人还没有释怀这一点，艾莉森，这在大学毕业生中是一个非常多的普遍遗憾，这是你的听众可以介入的地方。
There’s a business idea here.
这里有一个商业创意。
There’s a travel agency to be started that serves American college graduates who didn’t study abroad and regret it, and now want to do something like that.
有一家旅行社即将开业，它的服务对象是那些后悔没有出国留学的美国大学毕业生，现在他们也想做这样的事情。
And that’s another boldness regret.
这是另一个较大的遗憾。
I didn’t start that business.
我没有开始做那个生意。
I wanted, I didn’t pursue that brilliant idea that would made millions of dollars.
我没有追求那个能赚几百万美元的好主意。
That’s another boldness regret.
这是另一个大胆的遗憾。
I stayed in the lack luster job and didn’t start a business.
我留在了平淡无奇的工作岗位上，没有开始创业。
Another one is not asking people out on a date.
另一个遗憾是没有和别人约会。
And so if you look at these regrets, one is an education regret.
所以如果你看看这些遗憾，其中一个是教育上的遗憾。
One is a career regret.
一个是职业上的遗憾。
One is a romance regret, but they’re all the same.
一种是浪漫的遗憾，但它们都是一样的。
It’s a regret that says if only I’d taken the chance and that’s a boldness regret.
这种遗憾，说明我要是抓住这个机会就好了，这是一种大胆的遗憾。
So third category, moral regrets.
所以第三类，道德上的遗憾。
If only I’d done the right thing, you’re at a juncture, you can do the right thing.
如果做了正确的事就好了，你在紧要关头，你可以做正确的事。
You can do the wrong thing.
你可能会做错事。
You do the wrong thing.
你做错了事。
These were often regrets about bullying, marital infidelity, those kinds of things.
这些通常是对欺凌、婚姻不忠之类的事情感到遗憾。
And then finally there are connection regrets, which are about relationships, but not necessarily romantic relationships.
最后还有联系上的遗憾，这是关于关系的，但不一定是浪漫的关系。
In fact, mostly not romantic relationships, relationships with parents and kids and siblings and relatives.
事实上，大多数不是浪漫的关系，而是与父母、孩子、兄弟姐妹和亲戚的关系。
And, oh my gosh, a lot about friends.
哦，天哪，还有很多关于朋友的事。
Where a relationship was intact or should have been intact.
一段关系完好无损或本应完好无损的地方。
It drifts apart, one side wants to reach out.
它漂移开了，一方想要伸出援手。
They don’t reach out.
他们不会伸出援手。
They think the other side’s not going to care.
他们认为对方不会在意。
They think it’s going to be awkward to reach out so they drift apart further.
他们认为向外伸手会很尴尬，所以他们会疏远一些。
And then in certain circumstances, it’s too late.
在某些情况下，为时已晚。
So connection regrets are if only I’d reached out.
所以如果我伸出援手就会后悔。
And over and over again, these are the regrets that kept coming up.
一次又一次，这些都是不断出现的遗憾。
And it didn’t really so much matter to the domain of life.
这对生命的领域并没有太大的影响。
What mattered was, what was going on underneath, beneath the surface.
重要的是，在表面之下发生了什么。
And there’s another theme that I saw in the book and I hear when you’re talking and that sort of action versus inaction, do people regret the bad things they do, or the mistakes they make more than the chances they didn’t take or vice versa.
我在书中看到了另一个主题，当你在谈论的时候，我听到了那种行动和不行动的对比，人们会后悔他们做的坏事，或者他们犯的错误比他们没有抓住的机会更多，反之亦然。
That is a hugely important issue.
这是一个极其重要的问题。
When we think about the architecture of regret, as exactly as you say, Alison, you can have a regrets of action.
当我们思考后悔的架构时，正如你所说，艾莉森，你可以对行动感到后悔。
I regret what I did or regrets of inaction.
我为我的所作所为感到后悔，或者为我的不作为而后悔。
I regret what I didn’t do.
我后悔我没有做的事。
In our twenties or so people have equal numbers of regrets of action and inaction.
在我们二十多岁的时候，人们对行动或不作为的悔恨是一样多的。
But as they age, like even into their thirties, well into their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, they have many more regrets about inaction than about action.
但随着年龄的增长，甚至到了30多岁，40多岁、50多岁、60多岁、70多岁，他们对不作为的遗憾要比对行动的遗憾多得多。
And I think that’s because with an action regret, let’s say you’ve hurt somebody, yeah, you can apologize.
我想那是因为行为上的遗憾，比方说你伤害了某人，你可以道歉。
You can make amends.
你可以弥补的。
There’s certain things that you can undo.
有些事情是你可以撤销的。
You can make restitution.
你可以赔偿。
You can sometimes see if you can find a silver lining in them.
有时你可以看看你是否能在他们身上找到一线希望。
But the inaction regrets really, really nag us.
但无所作为的遗憾真的、真的困扰着我们。
