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And I know you didn’t categorize things this way, but this is a Harvard Business Review show, so I do want to dig into sort of career and work related regrets.
我知道你们不是这样分类的，这是“哈佛商业评论”的节目，所以我确实想把它们归入与职业和工作相关的遗憾中。
We heard that sampling in the intro.
我们在开场白中听到了采样。
What else did you find there?
你在那里还发现了什么？
What were some of the themes that came out?
出现的一些主题是什么？
It’s very interesting because even the career regrets seem to group into these categories.
非常有趣，因为即使是职业上的遗憾似乎也归入了这些类别。
And I think that the biggest ones were boldness and connection regrets.
我认为最大的是大胆和关系上的遗憾。
Boldness is a very, very interesting category for career regrets because it wasn’t only people saying, “Oh, if only I had started a business.”
对于职业遗憾来说，大胆是一个非常非常有趣的类别，因为不只是人们说，“哦，要是我创业了就好了。”
There were a very large number of regrets about speaking up.
很多人都后悔说出来。
There were very few people who felt that they had excesses of assertiveness or even extroversion, but there were people who felt that they were hobbled by meekness, by not speaking up, by timidity, by what they called introversion.
很少有人觉得自己过于自信，甚至过于外向，但有些人觉得自己被温顺、不敢说、胆怯、被他们所谓的内向所拖累。
And I really think that these speaking up regrets are a message to organizations that you want to provide places where people feel emboldened to speak up.
我真的认为，这些表达方面的遗憾是对组织的一个信息，你想提供一个让人们感到有勇气说出来的地方。
Connection regrets were actually really interesting too.
关系上的遗憾其实也很有趣。
There’s one that really sticks with me.
有一件事让我印象深刻。
And it’s a guy who, he didn’t leave his email address.
这个人他没有留下他的电子邮件地址。
So I don’t know who he is.
所以我不知道他是谁。
He’s a 60, all I know he is a 62 year old man from Pennsylvania.
他60岁，我只知道他是一个62岁的宾夕法尼亚州人。
He said, “I wish I had had fostered better connections with my work colleagues.”
他说，“我希望我当时能和同事建立更好的关系。”
And he goes on to say, I’ve been working at the same place for 30 years and I don’t feel like anybody I work with is really a friend.
他接着说，我在同一个地方工作了30年，我觉得和我一起工作的人都不是真正的朋友。
I mean, that’s incredible. And sad.
我是说，这太不可思议了也很令人悲伤。
I found that one really sad.
我觉得那首歌真的很伤感。
There’s a lot of sadness.
有很多悲伤。
There’s some sadness in these regrets.
在这些遗憾中有一些悲伤。
There’s actually, I think a lot of aspiration and joy and reaching for something better in life in there.
事实上，我认为那里有很多的渴望和快乐，以及对生活中更美好的东西的追求。
It’s surprisingly, it’s weirdly uplifting to read all these regrets.
令人惊讶的是，读到所有这些遗憾都莫名其妙地令人振奋起来。
But that one, that one has really stuck with me.
但是那句话真的让我印象深刻。
This man who’s been working at this place for 30 years and doesn’t feel like any of the people he’s worked with are his friends.
这名男子在这个地方工作了30年，他觉得和他一起工作的人中没有一个是他的朋友。
And again, if I had talked to him, I’d say, you know what? That might not be entirely on you.
如果我和他谈，我会说，你知道吗？这可能不完全是你的责任。
It might be something about the culture of the place where you’re working.
这可能与你工作的地方的文化有关。
So I want to get into sort of either getting over regret or harnessing regret for good.
所以我想说的是，要么克服遗憾，要么利用遗憾。
My first question is about the former, we don’t want people getting stuck in rumination and sort of rethinking every decision they’ve ever made.
我的第一个问题是关于前者的，我们不希望人们陷入沉思和重新思考他们所做的每一个决定。
What’s your advice for people on how to not get stuck in that way, particularly when it’s a mistake that can’t be changed?
你对人们有什么建议，尤其是当他们犯了一个无法改变的错误时，如何才能避免陷入这种困境?
The starting point is for all regrets in my view is how we treat ourselves.
在我看来，所有遗憾的出发点是我们如何对待自己。
And one of the things that comes out very clearly is that the way we talk about ourselves is ridiculous.
有一件事是非常清楚的，那就是我们谈论自己的方式是荒谬的。
It’s cruel.
太残忍了。
We talk about ourselves with such savagery.
我们用如此野蛮的语言谈论我们自己。
We would never treat anybody else that way.
我们永远不会那样对待任何人。
I mean, if you heard the way that I talked to myself when I exercise, you would think I was a madman.
如果你听到我锻炼时对自己说话的方式，你会认为我是个疯子。
Like I shouldn’t be around other people.
好像我不该和其他人在一起一样。
And there’s very little evidence that’s effective.
而且几乎没有有效的证据。
That’s the thing.
这就是问题所在。
That’s crazy.
这太疯狂了。
