Now, lastly, and perhaps the least reliable source is my own life.

最后一个，也有可能是最不靠谱的依据，就是我自己的人生。

I remember feeling this way when I was applying to universities.

我记得我申请大学时的这种感觉。

Like I had no other choice, no other experiences worthy of mentioning and no other merit beyond the fact that I had thrived despite what I had gone through.

就像我没有别的选择，没有其他值得一提的经历，除了“我虽然经历了这些但我挺过来了”以外没有任何优点。

I even remember worrying that my tale wouldn't be harrowing enough after hearing from a counselor that writing about immigration has become a bit of a cliche because of how overused it is.

我甚至担心我的故事还不够惨，因为一位顾问告诉我移民的故事有点太老套了，这种故事说得太多了。

So what’s the universities’ role in all of this and why are these stories even harmful to begin with? Well, I believe that using your college application essay to discuss your trauma actually doesn't help you process it.

那大学在其中扮演着什么角色呢？到底为什么这些故事很伤人呢？我认为通过你的大学申请作文讲述你的创伤其实并不会帮你排解它。

And there are a couple different reasons why.

这有几个原因。

First, writing about a difficult experience is, as you may have guessed, difficult.

第一，写下你的痛苦经历，你也能猜到，是痛苦的。

Not only do you have to relive the event itself, but you also have to actively suppress any negative emotions that arise during the process.

你不仅需要重现这个情景，还得主动压抑在此过程中产生的负面情绪。

That kind of emotional labor can be taxing for anybody, but perhaps especially so for these young applicants who haven't had enough time on this world to process the terrible things that have happened to them.

这种情绪劳动对每个人都是繁重的，尤其是对于年轻的申请人来说，他们在这个世上还没有足够的经验处理眼前的糟心事。

For that space to be one in which they're confessing to a faceless stranger who gets to make the most consequential decision of their adolescent life imposes an incredibly heavy psychological burden.

他们得对未曾谋面的陌生人袒露心声，这个陌生人还会为他们的青少年人生做出最重要的决定，这就为他们带来了巨大的心理负担。

I mean, imagine if you walked into your therapy appointment and your therapist tells you that they're not going to respond to anything you tell them except with a rejection or acceptance email sent months later.

想象一下你去接受治疗，治疗师告诉你不管你说什么，他/她都不会有任何反应，只会在几个月后给你发一封拒信或者录取邮件。

And also that whatever you tell them will determine the trajectory of your entire academic and professional career.

你告诉他们的内容会决定你未来所有学业和职业发展的轨迹。

Hard to imagine that being therapeutic.

这哪能算是治疗啊。

Secondly, the trauma essay makes one assumption that is extremely problematic.

第二，创伤作文有一个很有问题的预设。

It's not always the learning opportunity through which you can gain more confidence or develop better time management skills.

它不可能永远是个学习的机会，让你借此取得更多的自信或者培养更好的时间管理能力。

Sometimes it's just a sucky thing that really sucks.

有些烂事就是烂事。

And asking students to prove how they turn their pain into progress ignores this truth and falls prey to the toxic positivity narrative that everything happens for a reason, ignoring the very valid resentment and anger that many victims still feel.

让学生证明他们是如何化痛苦为成长无视了这个事实，也陷入了这种有毒的正能量故事，即万物皆有因，无视了很多受害者仍不能释怀的非常正当的怨恨和愤怒。

Lastly, the things we write aren't just informed by our experiences, they shape how we view those experiences as well.

最后一点，我们写下的内容不仅仅来源于我们的经历，还会影响我们对这些经历的看法。

And if we're writing about our trauma to prove to an admissions officer that we are worthy of a decent education, then it becomes necessary to sanitize our pain, to make it marketable and strategic, to scrub away all the suffering, so all that's left is what will fit into the narrow margins of what is palatable.

如果我们写下自己的创伤，是为了向招生官证明我们值得接受优质教育，那就有必要净化痛苦、让它很有市场、很有技巧、抹消所有的磨难，这样剩下的就是符合“喜闻乐见”这一有限范围内的内容。

And this is what I see as being the fundamental contradiction at the heart of the trauma essay.

这就是我认为创伤作文最核心的矛盾之处。

It seems to give the writer free reign on vulnerability, but actually leaves them very little room to be vulnerable.

看似是让作者自由支配自己的脆弱，实则只为他们的脆弱留下了一隅之地。

Your story has to be just sad enough that it gains sympathy, but not so sad that it makes you seem beyond help.

你的故事得正好悲惨到足以引发同情，但不能悲惨到显得你无可救药。

Just critical enough to inspire change, but not so much that it actually criticizes systemic structures.

你的批判性想法得正好足以促成改变，但不能过火到批判系统结构。

Just honest enough to seem real, but not so unfiltered that it creates discomfort.

诚实到显得很真实，但不能放飞到造成不适。

The protagonist also overcomes whatever struggle they're facing by the end of the 500 word count, instilling the reader with a sense of optimism that despite our deeply unequal society, it is possible to rise through the ranks and overcome all the “-isms.”

故事的主角得在 500 字结束之前克服他们眼前的困难，向读者传递乐观的情绪，认为就算我们的社会严重不平等，依旧有可能提高地位，克服各种“主义”。

This, of course, is not the reality of our world today.

这当然不是当今世界中的现实情况。

And for me, this looked like settling for the familiar story of the stinky lunch, one that's been told so many times that it's devoid of any real meaning, instead of talking about the ongoing social and political disenfranchisement of immigrants, the permanent loss of cultural identity that I suffered, or the sense of disbelonging that still haunts me every time I make a grammar mistake or someone mispronounces my name.

对我来说，这就像是自己咽下我刚说的恶心午餐的故事，翻来覆去都说烂了，还没有任何真正的意义，却没有人去讨论当下剥夺移民的社会、政治权利问题，我永远痛失文化身份的问题，或是缺乏归属感问题，每当我犯了个语法错误，或者有人读错我的名字时就会涌上我的心头。

These are all struggles that never really go away, but are carefully tucked away in my essay because they don't fit the linear narrative that is being constructed.

这些都是无法排遣的痛苦，但在作文中，我都得小心翼翼地把它们藏起来，因为它们无法融入精心打造的流畅故事线里。