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Remove emotions from financial talk. From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks (see Step 5), it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively. Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical. Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth. Also try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.
2. 交谈中要排除情绪的干扰。
从你们的第一次有关金钱上的目标的谈话到之后的每周一谈（参见第五步），重要的一点是两个人都要保持冷静，不要在任何的话题上受伤或者生气，并尝试客观地看待问题。通常金钱上的问题会跟情感纠结在一起。这些情感源自于童年也好，自我防护意识也罢，都比你因为你的消费而遭受批评而受伤来得好。这些情感都与金钱问题交织在一起，重要的是你们要把它们分开来，只是处理金融目标和各自的爱好而已。首先，不要使用情绪化的，非难的，或者是激动的言语。不要责怪另一半或者是对另一半有非议。要单纯地商谈你们的金融目标，制止一个计划去实现这些目标，或拟定一种机制去处理这些目标等诸如此类的东西。还有，当另一半在谈着你的目标和爱好时，尽量不要感觉自己象是在被攻击，静下来并深呼吸，提醒自己这不仅仅是在谈论你自己而已，而是在商谈实现你们共同目标的解决之道。再一次，出发点是两个人，而不是你我间的较量。
