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Man: Hello.
Mike: Good evening sir, wouldn't you and the Mrs. like to put the thrill back into your marriage
by touring Europe for just pennies a day?
Ben: Not particularly.
Mike: Ben!
Ben: You know Mike, dad told you he wouldn't buy anything you're selling.
Mike: Yeah, well listen twerp...young man. Let me tell you about Va Va Voom tours. Would you
mind if I called you young man?
Ben: I would prefer it.
Mike: Well I'll tell you what I'd prefer....Ah, perhaps I should speak to the man of the house.
Ben: You got it. Mum!
Maggie: Ben, don't yell.
Ben: Telephone, some skuzzy sales guy.
Maggie: hello Mike.
Mike: Hello Mrs. Seaver, I've got the way to put the sizzle back in your marriage. They make
me say this mum. It's just a coincidence.
Maggie: Mike, we went through this when you got this job.
Mike: well I'll have you know mam, that our package tours to romantic places like Paris, Rome,
and Barcelona, have never been cheaper.
Maggie: Neither has your father.
Mike: please mum. Just one little all expense trip to Europe.
Maggie: Mike, the day your dad springs for a trip to Europe is the day pigs fly.
Jason, I still can't believe you did this.
Jason: what do I have to do to lose the underserved reputation for being stingy?
Ed: Springing for a taxi wouldn't hurt.
Jason: Com eon. I just thought it would be nice if the whole family saw us off to the airport.
Grandma: Don't listen to him Jason. Babysitting taxi services, that's what in-laws are for.
Jason: Huhu. That's what they're for.
Ben: Hey dad, since we are at the airport, can we drop Carol off at airfreight?
Carol: You know, it's bad enough that some people refuse to take me to Europe, but do you
have to squeeze me back here with Ben, the pesthole?
Ben: can we tie Carol to the luggage rack?
Jason: I don't care; I'm going to Europe.
Maggie: Carol, this is a romantic holiday too. A little time for your dad and I to be alone and
celebrate our anniversary.
Jason: And forget that we have kids.
Ed: Wish I could forget.
Grandma: Besides kids, we are going to have a grand week together. Carol, I finally get to
teach you about make up. And Ben, it is not unmanly to embroider. After all, it is the eighties.
Chrissy: It is the nineties grandma.
Ed: Christine, don't confuse your grandma.
Mike: Grandpa, here, here, here. Pull over.
Maggie: Jason, first class! I had no idea.
Mike: Neither did I.
Mike: No, no. It's not your stop. It's mine.
Jason: Your!
Mike: Yeah. See I sold so many trips that I got one of our collegiate tours for free.
Carol: Mikes going to Europe too!
Maggie: Why didn't you mention it?
Jason: Yeah. This is supposed to be a romantic tour for your mum and I. With you around...
Mike: Relax. We won't be in any of the same cities at the same time. I won't be anywhere near
you guys. I'm on a good tour.
Jason: There it is. 36D.
Maggie: Oh no. I have 36F.
Jason: Oh. Excuse me, would you switch with me please?
Man: no.
Jason: well you see, my wife and I are on one of those romantic cities tours and...
Man: Well so am I. You don't hear me carping. My wife's way back there with the bathroom.
Jason: Why don't you sit together?
Man: For the kids sake. Just for security, we never travel together.
Maggie: It's ok Jason honey. Just sit. Excuse me.
Captain: This is captain Noah. There will be a slight delay in out departure today. Kindly return
to the terminal, where we load the animals two by two.
Jason: There go the peanuts.
(Meanwhile, on another flight, in first class)
Mike: Anyway ladies, I was just as stunned as you were when they put me on this Sorority
tour. I guess Va Va Voom tours knows what they are doing.
Girl: You forgot a Va, it's Va Va Va Voom tours.
Mike: How could I forget? And I work for the company.
Girl 2: Have you been to Europe before?
Mike: Ok, I know that place like the back of my hand. Deb, you juts marched through
Liechtenstein.
Girl 3: Excuse me. Did you just say that you work for Va Va Va Voom tours?
Mike: Yeah yeah yeah yes.
Girl 3: Do you realize, according to the itinerary, we're not visiting the grave of Van Gogh?
Mike: Guzenteit.
Girl 3: Seriously, I mean, I didn't come to Europe to party. Did you?
Girls: Party! Party!
Girl 3: never mind.
Mike: Wait, wait wait a minute. Are you sure you're here with the sorority tour?
Girl 3: This is a sorority tour?
Girl: Yeah babe.
Mike: Come on. There is no reason we cannot get along like sisters. A little laughing, horseplay,
pillow fights.
Girl 3: I'll be in the non-giggling section.
Girl 2: Ah Mike, I know what I wanted to ask. When we get to France, can you tell me how
many francs you can get for a dollar?
Mike: That depends. If they're all beef, one.
Captain: This is Captain Noah again. Sorry about the three hour delay. Please take your seats.
Jason: Well how did you think they got elephants to Europe? Sorry, I love my wife.
Man: Sorry I love my wife too.
Maggie: Jason, just relax. Tomorrow we are going to be celebrating our anniversary in Paris.
Jason: Yes. See how I aced the big guy.
Maggie: Jason, romance.
Jason: Oh yes.
Maggie: Jason honey, I want to go back to Henris.
Jason: Oh yes. So do I. Where else can you get such great food at sensible prices?
Maggie: It's also where you proposed to me.
Jason: That was my A reason.
Captain: Attention passengers. Prepare for arrival in historic Barcelona city, where I'm sure
you'll enjoy the scenery.
Mike: Alright, alright, the next bus will be ours. I'm sure of it.
Girl 2: You have been saying that for the last hour.
Girls: Yeah!
Girl: And where's our luggage?
Girls: Yeah!
Mike: Come on sisters. Don't turn on me now. Especially after you've shown me the secret
handshake.
Girl 1: I came here to see Europe. Not stand here in the middle of some foreign city.
Mike: Hey come on. You don't see Miss Culture here complaining, do you?
Girl 3: Actually, I was enjoying watching this impromptu view of Spanish life, moving hither
and yon before us. (She speaks Spanish; the meaning is The heart of Spain can be found in
the streets and cafes)
Girl 1: I'm taking a cab.
Girl 2: Me too.
Mike: Wait a minute; cabs cost a lot of money.
Girls: We're rich.
Girl 3: Boy, some people can be so shallow.
Mike: Yeah. Hey, you wouldn't mind giving me a ride, would you?
Mike: Hey where do they get off charging forty dollars for a bus ticket?
Girl 3: Not forty dollars, four dollars.
Mike: Hey hey. This Spanish money is ok.
Girl 3: I'll read my book.
Mike: Nude in Europe.
Girl 3: It's just an art book. And nothing to be ashamed of. Put it away. Put it away. Put it
away.
Mike: Would you relax. There's nothing worth looking at in there. They're all stone
Girl 3: yeah but understand, the hands of an artist can take cold stone and turn it into a
sublime level of eroticism.
Mike: What page is that on?
Girl 3: Why did you come to Europe?
Mike: Well I figured a place with sixty eight million women who couldn't understand a word I
said couldn't be all bad. How did you end up on a sorority tour?
Girl 3: I was misled by some sleazy phone salesman.
Mike: he didn't happen to mention his name did he?
Girl 3: No, why?
Mike: No reason.
Girl 3: I hope we get to the hotel soon. I want to see some of the museums before closing
time.
Mike: Alright, but the statues aren't going any place. Did anyone ever tell you that you have
got a great sense of humor?
Girl3: No.
Mike: No one ever will. Hey look, I didn't mean to say anything to upset you. And good luck
with the nude thing. I hope your vacation isn't a total waste.
Girl 3: thank you. And please, if anyone asks you, say you're Canadian.
Mike: Good afternoon sir. Buenos Dias senore. Hello sir, holo senore. What have they got in
here for sinorita? You are the first woman ever to touch my soul. Tu es la primera muhere que
mihad metado me elmare. You! Wait a minute.
Mike and Girl 3: You're not staying at this hotel?
Mike: Well not that that's bad.
Girl 3: No. I mean it's not like a toothache.
Mike: (easy fro you to say)
Reception: Buenos dias inbenidos.
Mike: Holow.
Girl 3: It's ola. (Speaks Spanish. The meaning is: Sir, we are with the Va Va Va Voom tour)
Reception: Va Va Voom.
Mike: No, you left pout one Va.
Girl 3: (Spanish, meaning: Sir, we have our hotel vouchers)
Reception: (Spanish meaning: Those Va Va Va Voom swine owe me two hundred pesetas.
Your vouchers are useless unless you are in need of toilet paper)
Mike: Ah, tell him that I work for the company.
Reception: (Spanish: If I ever catch up with those beasts, I will severely reprimand them)
Mike: Tell him I run the company.
Girl 3: Mike, you...(In Spanish: This man is President of Va Va Va Voom)
Mike: hey man, this is the last time I say hallow to anybody in this town.
