Maggie: Carol, I thought you'd gone to New York!
Carol: Mother, the most amazing thing has happened. Do you remember Dwight Halliburton from the Catskills?
Maggie: The one who kept hitting himself in the head?
Carol: Right, and guess what: Now he's doing it in our neighbourhood. He has uprooted his whole life to move near me.
Maggie: Well that sounds very romantic. Bizarre, but romantic.
Carol: So, I have to stay here tonignt
Maggie: I heard you gave your room to Luke today.
Carol: Oh, well that's ok, I ,uh, I'll sleep on a foldable, sleep on a roof, If I can get any sleep at all. I am soaring like a bird, dancing like a breeze.
Maggie: Chattering like a baboon.
Carol: Oh Mike, you are so funny!
Jason: Oh, no no no Ben not like that. I thought I told you to get dry ones Ben? Go get a couple more please, use your head.
Maggie: Hey Ben, just the guy to test-taste the hot chocolate.
Ben: I am not thirsty.
Chrissy: I'll take his. He should not have all that sugar anyway.
Maggie: Jason, what's wrong with Ben?
Jason: Maggie that's such a broad question.
Maggie: No, tonight, first he did not touch his dinner, then he passes up hot chocolate! For Ben that's quiet.
Jason: He's fine, I saw him on the ground goofing up with Kenny just a couple of minutes ago.
Jason: Aw, perfect, yes, dry ones! Now, they'll go like that. Right, that, that's a fire.
Carol: Hi, I could not help by admire the pitch of your roof. Care to nibble on my muffins?
Blondie: Can I help you?
Carol: Is D-wight here?
Blondie: Oh, he, he's in the shower. Can I take a message?
Carol: Well, roof, pitch, nibble, Well I hope you both chew!
Jason: Oh ho ho, what happened here?
Maggie: Carol made muffins for her new boyfriend.
Jason: Ah, Carol's got a new boyfriend, Boo, muffins? So who's this new boyfriend of Carol's?
Maggie: Well you remember Dwight, the one I fox-trotted with at Catskill's?
Jason: Oh, haha the one who hits himself a lot.
Maggie: Uhm, I got a hunch this could be the one. I've never seen Carol act this way over a boy before?
Jason: Hey, Morning sweetheart? Oh you didn't tell me about this new boyfriend?
Carol: Boyfriend? I have no boyfriend.
Jason: I thought Dwight?
Carol: Dwight? Please! Just give me a little credit, since when does Carol Seaver have to lower her standards for a fork-tongued medieval maggot!
Jason: Sorry my mistake.
Carol: And another thing: As of this moment, Carol Seaver does not live here anymore.Ich bin ein New Yorker!
Jason: Jawohl!
Ben: Carol, can I ask you something?
Carol: Ben, this is not a good time.
Ben: Do you think I'm dumb?
Carol: Yes!
Ben: Well, it's a serious question. Do you think I am stupid?
Carol: Ben, you're dumber than used chewing gum, you have the IQ of a saw, doesn't even your dryer set to fluff, you need anymore I'll have to get back to you.
Mr. Dewitt: Mister Seaver!
Mike: Heh!
Mr. Dewitt: Long time no see.
Mr. Dewitt: I guess my rash was stress-related.
Mike: Well, it's nice to see you too. Why, you're dressed like Tuxedo Banana.
Mr. Dewitt: Mr. Seaver, when you were under my tutelage I was prohibited by law from inflecting bodily harm; Now that you've matriculated, I can wail the totter outta ya.
Mike: Hey, dad, it's for you!
Jason: Mr. Dewitt, what's wrong? And why are you dressed like some big Banana?
Mr. Dewitt: Oh I was cycling in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd swing by to check on why Ben didn't apply for the advanced placement exam.
Jason: Ben! He hates tests. He'll even look for Waldo.
Mr. Dewitt: Just as I thought.
Mr. Dewitt: This was obviously about smoke bombs and strippers.
Jason: Obviously.
Mike: Dad, Where is the Banana.
Jason: He went that way.
Mike: Thanks, just get ready for big bucks!
Jason: Hey Be-en!
Ben: Yah!
Jason: Our principal Mr. Dewitt was just here. Were you taking some advanced placement test?
Ben: Yeah right, dad, but what would I do with that? We both know I'm no Einstein.
Jason: What do you mean by that?
Ben: Well, what did you mean by it. I heard you when you told your accountant. Let's face it Ben is no Einstein.
Jason: Well obviously, I did not mean that way Ben?
Ben: Yeah, well you said it!
Ben: And I know you meant it cuz you didn't even knew I was listening. You think I am dumb and you've known me my whole life. I must be dumb!
Jason: No, Ben, No.
Mr. Dewitt: I have a confession to make. I did not tell you before because I did not wanna appear foolish in your eyes. It's my fault Ben's not taking that test. He expressed interested and I scoffed, I belittled, I had a great time. I did everything but call him stupid. Oh, since then I've talked to his teachers. Ben has a 3.0 average.
Jason: A 3.0?
Mr. Dewitt: I know. Pigs are flying. I have ruined your son. People trust me with their children and I, I break'em. Monday morning I am turning in my resignation.
Jason: Mr. Dewitt, it's not your fault it's mine!
Mr. Dewitt: Oh thank God. Oh to think I almost quit! Guess I better get my Schwinn in motion.
Mike: Smile!
Mr. Dewitt: That, that, that, doesn't..
Dwight: Hi Carol?
Carol: Hello.
Dwight: The strangest thing happened this morning. A woman in blue plaid came to my door, threw muffins at my sister, threatened her and then ran.
Carol: Your sister?
Dwight: Yeah, Elaine's a stewardess, she visits whenever she flies into Kennedy, and my question is why muffins.
Carol: Uhhm.
Dwight: You positively blew with this hour of the morning.
Carol: I do?
Dwight: I'd love for you to come meet Elaine, wanna come over for some muffins? They're not very good, but what the heck they're free.
(SING) Mark Rice: "Mustang Sally… Guess you better slow mustang down…"
Jason: Mustang Sally, it's one of my old-time favorites. Ben I had no business say something like this, like a stranger.
Ben: Alright, you didn't mean it anyway.
Jason: No, I meant it. I really did think you were no Einstein.
Ben: Thanks a lot Dad.
Jason: Neither was I.
Ben (reads Jason's score card): D, C, F, C minus, D. Is this you?
Jason: Uh-hum.
Ben: You really were no Einstein. You were barely a Trigger.
Jason: Boy it is Ben, even Einstein was no Einstein, you know he grew up that at school? Some of us don't' show our potential until later.
Ben: So you're saying that some day I'll start showing my potential?
Jason: You already have Ben. Last year when you started studying at home with your mother.
Ben: Well, that's fine when she was working with me.
Jason: That's not true. Your mother gave you confidence she got you started. But then you went out you took over by yourself. You became a 3.0 student on your own.
Ben: I did, didn't I?
Jason: And I almost blew the whole thing with that dumb remark.
Ben: But then why did you say that?
Jason: Oh you live in a family Ben, you tend to put labels on people. You know Carol was the smart one, Mike was the charming one, and then you, you're the one who goofy-glued sticky saliva into the dog-house.
Jason: You got through this change these whole last few months Ben, well and it happened right under my nose, and I did not even see it I am so sorry. I missed it, please. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. Will you forgive me?
Ben: I guess.
Jason: Like you start over, clear the slate?
Ben: Sure.
Jason: Right.
Ben: Hey, look, would you be interested in helping me input some data into the computer?
Ben: You're kidding. You trust me to do something like that?
Jason: Sure I would.
Ben: Dad, this means so much, coming from you. Will you pay me?
Jason: I'll pay you.
Ben: Oh, Dad, this means so much! Coming from you.
Screen: November 29th, 1991. Ben Seaver arrived to take the New York state advanced placement exam, unfortunately the test was scheduled for the 30th. Red-faced, the boy returned the next day and passed with flying colors. That same day a smoke bomb was detonated in the faculty lounge. To date, no suspects have been apprehended.

The end.