Human Relationships Are Like Paper

Liu Xinwu

Don't add the word "thin", I don't mean that.

The times of summing up the many complicated matters into a simpleone has gone.

But without simple summing up many people don't know how to facecomplicated situations. Actually they were complicated from the very beginning.Weren't they in the past? Maybe at any rate things in the past were not ascomplicated as they are today. Pondering carefully, I find things in the pastwere just the same.

In the past, we had to be on tenterhooks in speaking truth, we saidso much. Today we don't have to be on tenterhooks in telling truth, but wedon't feel like saying anything.

I once called upon an old friend in that small room. In fact, it wasby no means a small room. It had only a door, no window and not even aventilation hole. Therefore, when a man came in, the door must be opened wide.It was a store room with very small space and very stuffy. But we had a verypleasant time exchanging our views. At least on my own part it was so. Somewords were said in whispers. The movement of our eyes was full of friendship.But now he has a bigger space, twenty or thirty times bigger, with many doorsand windows. The doors are tightly closed and the windows half open. His"hardwares" are fine and his "softwares" still excellent. Inever enter that door and he never invites me either... It seems as if we arenot hard on each other but we don't share the same feelings. Our relation hasbecome light and thin, in fact completely disappeared.

It is said that the "paper" in "Human relationshipsare like paper" by no means bears the current meaning of the"paper" in "The relationship between scholars is but half asheet of paper". But the "paper" under the pen of Marshal Zhao(Zhao Gongming, God of wealth in Chinese folklore), i.e. the currency. Thetransition from the "Official Standard" to "Gold Standard"is appreciable, but I am still curious about "Human Standard" and"Sentimental Standard". It is said that the material boom of asociety must be done at the cost of the reduction of its ideology. It is alsosaid that those who lag behind are ideologically reduced, but in the eyes of thepioneers, it is a gratifying ideological disintegration. But then the pioneersmay not point out what is the new ideology when the old ideology has gone. Somepioneers said that only disintegration is needed and there is no need forreconstruction. "Phoenix Nirvana" (1) is laughable; the phoenix canonly be burned to death, why should there be rebirth?

As for me, I still grasp firmly at the hits of things which I regardas being eternal, even if they are as tiny as a hairspring. Eternal thingsinclude human relationships, which are as thin as paper. The paper is verythin, but it can be used to write love letters, poems, tender words andnecessary greetings. Of course, it can be used to draw pictures or to fold intosmall paper boats and to be put into a stream, drifting upon gentle ripples tofaraway places.

A year has elapsed in a blink. A year ago I was in America. Iremember the first day when I went to New York it was dusk. Among the myriadsof twinkling lights in Manhattan, there was a small light of mine. In thesimple and soft residence on the table was a pretty flower vase with a verysmall bouquet of flowers and a pretty card, on which were written some warmwords. Are human relationships as thin as paper? Since last winter I have neversent even a thin piece of paper to the man who left me the card. I oftencomplain about other's feelings becoming light and thin and even disappearing.But what of me? In the eyes of others, it may be a shock as well. How is itthat I have become so? I have become cooler, lazier, and more guarded than Iwas before.

In the past, human relationships were probably like the finestcream, too thick, heavy and sticky. Nowadays man is being pressed flat andironed into something smooth by the continuous stream of information andaffairs. Accordingly, human relationships are becoming light and thin. Man isrelying more on their inner world support rather than on the support from theoutside. Human beings are advancing but human relationships are dwindling.Isn't it true?

Perhaps it is because of too many conditions that can shift ourfeelings. We can shift to records, to ancient curios, and artificial curios,from daily-fed cats, birds, fish, rabbits to flowers and grass which needattention, shearing, applying fertilizer and changing pots, from small stampsto books and newspapers. In short, it can be shifted thoroughly from living manto other things. The easiest way of "Elegant Shifting" is to placeone's feeling upon landscapes. The simplest "Humble Shifting" methodis to turn on your TV set. Sit in front of it and watch its programmes on thescreen while eating peanuts, regardless of whether the programmes are good orbad, till they say "Good night!"

But sometimes I can not refrain from the desire to communicate withothers… one or two bits, one or more strands, one or more words, which changesinto nameless feeling and deep-felt void... then I might finally take a sheetof paper and trace these feelings of affection. My words, sentences and marksmay or may not get a response. Human relationships are really a piece of paper.

When I think of others in my light and thin feeling, others mayforget me in their faintest memory about me. Oh, the lights in Manhattan...under which lamp still remains this feeling of mine?

(1)Phoenix Nirvana: a religious term in Buddhism, meaning anillusionary realm beyond life and death.