Ed: I won two out of three. Well I guess you did find time in your busy schedule for me, hu?
Maggie: Daddy, I'm sorry.
Ed: Well, that's what I get for raising a woman's libber.
Maggie: Dad. I don't want to go for a walk.
Ed: It's a cold night.
Maggie: Oh dad, oh dad.
Ed: Hey, hey hey. I don't need any tears. Ok.
Maggie: What can I do for you dad?
Ed: Do for me!
Maggie: Whatever you want you got it.
Ed: Honey, I'm...Oh, uh, that the will and other important papers, you got to know they are in
that big shoe box in the hall closet right behind my fishing tackle.
Maggie: Uh hu.
Ed: And uh, I've made the funeral arrangements with Flaherty and Son mortuary. Be sure to
ask for Flaherty senior, because Flaherty Junior is an idiot.
Maggie: Daddy, do we really have to deal with all this now?
Ed: This is important. It's about my police death benefits. I've asked for monthly payments,
and don't let the woman who runs the office tell you any different. She's the big read head
with all the warts.
Maggie: Daddy, did you really come all this way to tell me about a red headed woman with
warts?
Ed: Listen, if this is going to be too much for you to handle, I can take care of the whole thing
myself, from beyond the grave.
Maggie: Daddy, I didn't mean....How's mum taking this?
Ed: Oh she's fine.
Maggie: How could she be fine with you...
Ed: Oh, the will. What was it about the will? The attorney that made out the will doesn't
practice anymore. He's writing for Saturday night live. Burt his partner is still there. But he
aint funny at all. Now I guess that's it.
Maggie: That is what you came here to tell me? One napkins worth!
Ed: Honey, I'm s... There is something that you don't know about me Margaret Catherine. It's a
deep dark secret. I've kept it way down deep inside of me all these many years. Ever since the
day of your birth.
Maggie: What daddy?
Ed: that night at Kelsey's bar when we got the phone call to say that all this birthing business
was fine and that your mother was conscious and that you were fine...I made an oath to
myself, right there and then, that I would never let you know, I, well I....
Maggie: Wanted a son.
Ed: You know?
Maggie: Until I was in my teens you used to smoke those cigars with "It's a boy" on the rings.
Ed: They were good cigars. I could just throw them away.
Maggie: You set my first doll on fire.
Ed: Hey well that was an accident. Chatty Cathy should have kept her mouth closed around
my welding equipment.
Maggie: You had me try out for little league.

Ed: But then I always let you wear make up when you got an extra base.
Maggie: You bought me a jock.
Ed: I didn't want you to feel any different from the other guys.
Maggie: Oh daddy, this isn't exactly news to me. Is this really what you came here to tell me?
Ed: Fine, deny a dying man his final apology.
Maggie: Daddy, I always knew you wanted a son, but I also knew that you loved me. So much
that it probably surprised you.
Ed: Oh that it did.
Maggie: I saw you cry at my wedding.
Ed: You did?
Maggie: Yep.
Ed: Well that was probably because of the guy who you were marrying.
Maggie: I don't believe you.
Ed: Good.
Maggie: What can I do for you dad?
Ed: Well, I, I, I told you about the insurance. The, the, the, the, arrangements.
Maggie: Daddy please.
Ed: Good honey, I'm scared.
Maggie: It's just not fair.
Ed: Fair! Fair! You want to talk fair? You know that Charlie McGill who is three years older than
me? He drinks a quarter scotch a day. And that Jonnie Buggliosi, he's had so much surgery
that he eats out of his armpit. He's still out there on the golf course making easy money out of
those puts of his. For the past ten years I've avoided red meat, cholesterol, nitrate, salt and
every other damn thing your mother could read about in the Readers Digest. Iron Joe's
stomach, Iron Joes intestines, Iron Joes colon. I know more about Iron Joe than any stinking
proctologist.
Maggie: You are right dad. It's not fair.
Ed: And it all goes by so fast. Oh I'm sorry that I never saw you in your grade school
Christmas Pageant.
Maggie: Which one?
Ed: All of them. Because I had to work nights because it was over time and we needed the
money.
Maggie: Oh dad, dad, you don't have to explain.
Ed: Oh thanks.
Maggie: Is mum really ok with all this?
Ed: Are you kidding. Your mother doesn't know anything about this.
Maggie: Dad, you said you told her.
Ed: No, I said she was fine. And she is fine because she doesn't know anything.
Maggie: But dad, she has to be told.
Ed: I know.
Maggie: She has a right to know.
Ed: Let me explain something to you. A real man doesn't burden his wife with his worries and
his doubts. His job is to keep his marriage glistening no matter how he has to suffer in silence.
Maggie: So mum's not supposed to know that you have a vulnerable sensitive side. Hu?
Ed: That's been my goal.
Maggie: Daddy.
Ed: Look, I've taken care of my Kate for forty seven years. She relies on me for strength. If
she knows I'm afraid now, what's there left for her?
Maggie: Dad, you can't keep this all to yourself.
Ed: I'm here aren't I?
Maggie: Oh yeah.
Ed: You know another strange thing. I thought when my day came, I'd be able to be ready to
die. But when that doctor gave me the news, I felt younger and healthier than I've ever felt in
my life. Now what's the sense of all of that?
Maggie: I know daddy.
Ed: When I was a young man, I used to think that old people had all the answers.
Maggie: I thought you had all the answers all along.
Ed: No, I was just faking it. Our secret.
Maggie: Our secret. Mum's got to be told dad.
Ed: I know. I know. But I needed to talk to you first.
Maggie: Needed?
Ed: You don't think any less of me do you?
Maggie: Oh no daddy. I am so proud to be your son.

Maggie: Oh Ben, these will do just fine.
(Phone rings)
Jason: I'll get it.
Ben: They're yours.
Maggie: Oh I only need them for a couple of days.
Ben: I don't want them back. I don't use them anymore since they got bug infested.
Chrissy: I still don't get it. Why can't I go fishing with you and grandpa?
Maggie: Oh honey, it's just a chance for grandpa and me to talk.
Chrissy: I won't say a word. I'll just sit there and look cute.
Maggie: Oh sweetheart, do you remember last month when daddy took you ice skating and
you didn't want anybody else to go because you didn't want to share him?
Chrissy: What's your point?
Maggie: Well grandpa is my daddy.
Chrissy: And that's why last night I couldn't ride along when you dropped gran back at the airport.
Maggie: That's right.
Chrissy: Is this a trend?
Maggie: No sweetheart. Hey, how do I look? What is it?
Jason: It's your dad. He died about an hour ago.
Maggie: No. No, I just called him this morning to see if he had a safe flight.
Jason: Doctor said he went quickly and there was no pain.
Maggie: No, no! He just invited me on this fishing trip. No! No, we were going to pick up
where we left off. (Crying) Oh Jason.
Jason: I'm sorry.
Maggie: Oh Jason. I got to call mum.

(Flashback)
Maggie: Higher daddy. Higher.
Ed: You got three hits today my darling. I'm so proud of you.
Maggie: So I can where lipstick again?
Ed: Yeah, but not to practice.
Maggie: Why not?