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I will turn the program over now to someone whose accent falsely makes you believe can trust him.
我将把节目主持的位置让给某个用口音让你们产生了他更可信这一错误想法的人
John Oliver, John.
有请囧橄榄
Thank you. Thank you, John.
谢谢你 谢谢你 司徒
Thank you John and please, please.
谢谢 请安静一下
Before I continue, let me assure my viewers that from now on,
继续节目之前 我向所有观众保证 从现在开始
there will be no pussying out.
节目中不会出现任何换主持的现象
Taxation is slavery.
税收等于奴隶制
New Jersey has the highest property tax in the nation.
新泽西州的财产税全美最高
I know. What are you getting for it? Because it is an awful state?
你参与抗议是为了什么 因为这个州很垃圾吗
Exactly. It's not an awful state. It's a great state.
并不是因为这个州很垃圾 这个州很好
Oh. It's the government that's awful. The Democrats are awful.
垃圾的是政府 是民主党
It's just you look around Jersey and you think, where is the money going,
就是 你看向四周 想 钱都去哪儿了呢
because I just don't see it in this state. Yes.
我并没有看到钱被用在新泽西州的建设上 就是这样
It just seems like a wasteland.
这里就像一片荒漠
I am from a small town, so I can tell you exactly what that means.
我来自一个小镇 我会告诉你那意味着什么
Well that's what I'd like you to do.
洗耳恭听
It's real people, real values, common sense.
意味着真实的人 真实的价值观和常识
Can you be more generic?
能说的更简单一些吗
Mic check. Mic check. Mic check. Mic check.
声音测试 声音测试 声音测试 声音测试
Can I try? Yes. Okay.
我能试试吗 可以
Mic check. Mic check.
声音测试 声音测试
The human microphone. The human microphone
扩音器 扩音器
While well-intentioned. While well-intentioned.
尽管能把声音传的更远 尽管能把声音传的更远
Is incredibly annoying. Is incredibly annoying.
却更扰民 却更扰民
And embodies everything. And embodies everything.
还是一切 还是一切
That people find frustrating. That people find frustrating.
人们讨厌这类运动 人们讨厌这类运动
About movements like this. About movements like this.
的根源 的根源
What do you have to say about CNN? John Oliver.
囧橄榄 你对CNN有什么想说的
They are goat..., John.
它们...
Pure and simple. Pure and simple.
不折不扣
An organization whose sole desire and drive is the pursuit and seduction of goats.
他们全部的欲望和动力就是寻找山羊
For the purpose of ...them.
目的就是为了
Leroy, you want to ban this word, Larry. Thank you.
勒罗伊 你想禁止这个词的使用 拉里 谢谢
What he said.
就是他说的那个词
Is the word...Offensive to everyone or just to...
是这个词 冒犯了所有人还是只是……
No, no, no, no, I was saying I was just, I was just pointing. I'm sorry.
不不不 我只是 我只是在说这个词 抱歉
Don't use that term, please.
不要用这个词 拜托
If black people enjoy doing it, it must be stopped. Right.
如果是黑人很喜欢的事 那就要禁止 对
Well those times it's black people who are overdoing it,
那时候是黑人做得比较过分
because now it's other races that are doing it.
因为其他民族也在这么做
Well they did it first.
其他民族先这么干的
We did do it first, Leroy.
是的
You do know they don't even have a teleprompter at Fox News,
你知道的 福克斯新闻没有提词器
it's just a man jangling his keys above the camera.
只有一个人在摄像头上面把钥匙晃来晃去
If they're stupid, John, staggeringly, achingly, almost inspiringly stupid.
他们太蠢 蠢到无可救药 蠢到令人同情 蠢到别人能从他们身上得到激励
John, what is the status right now of the NFL dispute?
囧 NFL的争论现在怎么样了
Two families both alike in dignity, one the referee, the other the League of National Football,
裁判和国家橄榄球联盟都十分好面子
is locked in dispute ages old.
他们的矛盾已经持续了数年
John Oliver, you have almost overnight, improved exponentially.
囧橄榄 你一夜之间变化好大
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
哇哇哇哇哇哇
No, no, no. No, no, no.
不不不不不不
No, strike over. Strike over.
先别说这个
Good news, everyone.
好消息
We've reached a settlement.
双方达成了和解
No, no, no, no. No settlement.
不不不 不要和解
You don't work here anymore, Oliver.
你被开除了 囧橄榄
As far as I'm concerned, I just traded up my '83 Toyota for a Maserati.
我刚把丰田换成了玛莎拉蒂
Welcome to The Daily Show.
欢迎收看《每日秀》
I am John Oliver.
我是囧橄榄
Great show for you tonight.
今晚的节目很精彩
Fareed Zakaria will be joining us.
法里德·扎卡利亚将来到节目现场
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
哇哇哇
What are you doing? What are you doing?
你干嘛 你干嘛
What? What are you doing?
咋了 你干嘛
You resigned your chair. It's a...bit.
你自己辞职的
What?
啥
We were doing a bit, we were just talking about that story. Get out of my...chair.
我们刚刚开始，才开始 从我的椅子上滚起来
Sorry to miss the rest. Have a great show.
很抱歉错过了休息时间 祝你节目顺利
I was kidding. I was kidding about.
我开玩笑的 开玩笑的
You wanna get that seen too. Yes, I will.
你想把这个给大家看是吧 对 我会的
That's a problem, that's a problem. Get that seen too. That's a problem.
这是个大问题 把这个给大家看 是个大问题
John Stewart. We'll be right back.
我是囧司徒 精彩稍后回来
