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Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, there's a lot going on in politics right now, but today, I want to talk about love. Right?
女士们先生们 如你们所知 最近政治类新闻不少 但我们今天想聊一聊爱
Because it came out this week, I don't know if you saw this, a Dutch man flew to China
因为就在本周 不知道你们看到这条新闻没有 一位荷兰男士飞到中国
to meet a woman that he'd met on the Internet, and when she didn't show up, he just waited for her in the airport for 10 days!
去见他的女网友 结果这位女网友没有出现 于是他在机场等了对方10天
Don't awwww! Don't awwww! Do you know how long 10 days is? That's an insanely long time.
别这个反应啊 你们怎么这个反应 你们知道10天多长吗 真的超级漫长
That means like even after nine days, he's just waiting. He's like, she's probably just hit some traffic.
也就是说9天里女网友一直没出现 而他还在等 他说 可能她只是堵车了
But he stayed in the airport for so long, now, this is true, he actually got sick and had to go to the hospital.
但他在机场呆的时间太久了 后来生了病去了医院
And they treated him for exhaustion, malnutrition and not taking a hint.
医生检测他疲劳过度 营养不良还有 没有意识到女方在骗他
My question is why do we even know about this story?
我在想我们怎么会知道这条新闻呢
Who would tell this? Why didn't he just lie?
是谁说出来的 为什么这个人不干脆撒个谎呢
Like, when people are like, you were in the hospital from exhaustion?
人们问 你是因为过度疲劳近的医院吗
He should have been like, oh yeah, we had a ton of sex! Every position, you know.
他的回答应该是 对 因为房事太频繁了 我们试了各种体位
That front one. The back weed, we did that one. You know, that one. Classic!
从前面 后面 还有这样的 经典姿势 你懂得
In her defense, the girlfriend said she would have picked him up at the airport if she was real.
站在女网友的角度 我觉得如果她是个真实存在的人 她应该会来接他的
No, because you just know that right now there's two teenage boys in China huddled around a computer going, we took this too far, didn't we?
但实际上不会 因为只有两个中国的中学生挤在电脑前面 说我们是不是太过分了
But the truth is but sometimes we find love and we make that person our girlfriend or our wife
有时候 当我们找到真爱 我们会让她成为自己的女朋友或者妻子
or as Nicaraguan president Daniel Ortega did, you could make that person your running mate.
或者跟尼加拉瓜总统丹尼尔·奥尔特加一样 让她做你的竞选伙伴
Because Daniel Ortega, the incumbent running for president in Nicaragua just made his wife his vice presidential running mate.
丹尼尔·奥尔特加 尼加拉瓜现任总统 已经任命自己的妻子为副总统
This sounds like a guy who forgot it was their anniversary. Really have to scramble for a gift.
听起来感觉像是这个人忘记了周年纪念日 忙着想礼物呢
Of course I remembered! I got you ...You're my vice president!
我当然记得 我给你准备了……你会是我的副总统
If they get a divorce, an entire nation can now ask themselves, is it my fault? Is it my fault?
如果他们离婚 全国人民都应该反思 是我的问题吗 是我的问题吗
But here we are. We have a picture. Look at these two here. Look at that.
我们这里有张照片 看看这对夫妻
They don't look like they're running for public office. They look like they're checking in at Cesar's palace!
他们看起来一点都不像要去竞选总统的样子 反而像是正在凯撒宫办理入住
Like, what is this couple running Nicaragua going to be like?
如果他们执政 会怎么样
Are they going to be having fights like, no, honey. I told you to put down the rebels!
他们会不会这样吵起来 不亲爱的 我说了要镇压叛党
So no one put down the rebels? Well, I hope you like rebels.
没有人去镇压吗 好吧 那我希望你们喜欢叛党
But it can be tricky to work with your significant other.
所以跟对自己意义重大的另一半一起共事是很纠结的
Just ask stunt man Ryan Stock who had an unfortunate incident with his fiancee, Amber,
看看特技演员瑞恩·斯托克跟自己未婚妻安博之间发生的不幸遭遇就知道了
when they both appeared on America's got talent last night.
事情发生在昨天晚上的美国达人秀上
The couple was performing a stunt where Amber was supposed to shoot a flaming arrow onto a target on Ryan's face.
这对未婚夫妻正在表演特技 安博此时应该把带火焰的箭射到瑞恩脸上的靶子上面
And ended up missing! Take a look. Wow! That show almost became America's got manslaughter.
结果没射中 一起来看 美国达人秀变成了美国屠杀秀
But I think I know what's happened here.
但我觉得我们可以猜猜看发生了什么
I'm pretty sure they were having an argument during the commercial break right before this,
我肯定他们在节目开始前的广告时间发生了争吵
and the guy is like, look we have to be on stage right now. Let's put a pin in this, do the stunt.
男方说 我们马上要上台了 我们现在搁置下问题 先表演
When we get done, I will explain the text messages, OK? Wait, why is the arrow on fire?
表演结束 我会解释短信的事 好吗 等等 为什么箭上有火
In her defense, I will say that trick is not easy to do, is it, Reg? It's not easy at all, is it? No, it's not.
女方想澄清的话 可以说 这个表演难度很大 是不是啊 雷吉 难度很大吧 对 很难
